morning headlines

By brendon January 19, 2011 @ 10:39 AM

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MIRANDA KERR – posted the first picture of her son Flynn, presumably taken by her husband Orlando Bloom, and as you can see it was while he was sucking on one of her perky little tits. Which means he’s 2 weeks old and his life has probably peaked. (kora organics)

BRUCE WILLIS – was a pain in the ass to work with on Cop Out, according to director Kevin Smith. “I had no fucking help from this dude whatsoever.” And yet that movie totally worked, on every level, a modern masterpiece. The creative process sure is a mystery. (filmdrunk)

HALLE BERRY – is supposedly on good terms with her ex Gabriel Aubry, who is also the father of her 2yo daughter, but yesterday he filed for custody, setting up a potential tug-of-war with their child. Not a literal tug-of-war with their child of course, though that would be way more exciting. (e!)

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER – is ready to return to acting, perhaps playing a Nazi commander who refuses to execute POW’s at the end of WWII in With Wings As Eagles. Or perhaps playing something else, in a different movie. What am I, psychic? (fox)

RICKY GERVAIS – will not be hosting the Golden Globes again next year, saying he feels twice is enough. Which is how I now feel about watching the Golden Globes. (yahoo)

Halle Berry looks different

By brendon November 04, 2010 @ 12:49 PM

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Halle Berry was seen yesterday in heavy prosthetics on her face and chest while filming scenes for ‘Truth or Dare’, which, thankfully, is a comedy.

WARNING: the comments section is about to set race relations back 50 years. And honestly it’s hard to blame them. Is she about to boil Bugs Bunny in a pot? WTF is this?

Halle Berry is a real whore

By brendon October 11, 2010 @ 1:16 PM

Halle Berry Meeting Up With Gabriel Aubry In Sherman Oaks

No not really. That would kick ass though, huh? But she did have lunch in Sherman Oaks this weekend with ex-boyfriend (and the father of her child) Gabriel Aubry, then went and hooked up with new boyfriend Olivier Martinez. Look at this guy. Look at his punk ass. Smiling. Moving a bunch of stuff into her house. That French fuck has a lot of nerve, comin in here and bangin our hot chicks. Maybe a visit from Dr. Fist will wipe that smirk off his face, after he prescribes a medicine called American Pride.

damn you Halle Berry

By brendon September 21, 2010 @ 11:50 AM

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Halle Berry wore this slutty little outfit last week at some Ralph Lauren party, so last night, when she wore a see thru dress to celebrate whatever the hell Swarovski Elements is, I was hoping that she was turning into some kind of whore. Because whores are great.

Halle Berry has taken a new lover

By brendon September 10, 2010 @ 2:38 PM

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Halle Berry has been seen a lot with ex boyfriend Gabriel Aubry lately, which sort of makes sense since they dated for 4 years and had a little girl together in 2008, but since they broke up in April, she hasn’t had much of a social life. “Will this gorgeous millionaire with big tits ever find love again,” I fretted.

Yes, as it very surprisingly turns out. With a French guy named Oliver Martinez. Hey People magazine, who is Oliver Martinez?

Never married, Martinez has been romantically involved with a number of beautiful women, including Juliette Binoche, Kylie Minogue, Mira Sorvino and now, apparently, Berry. Earlier this year, British papers reported Martinez was seeing Victoria Secret model Rosie Huntington-Whiteley

So he’s nailed a ton of beautiful women and he’s a French?! Oh I simply adore him! Maybe if we met he could insist I refer to him only as “The Baron” to be even more likable.

Friday afternoon headlines

By brendon August 27, 2010 @ 5:14 PM

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HALLE BERRY – broke up with boyfriend Gabriel Aubry back in April after dating for 4 years, but they looked like the perfect family yesterday in London with their daughter. It’s nice to see two beautiful millionaires finally catch a break. (daily mail)

KARISSA SHANNON – confirms that she made a lesbian sex tape with Heidi Montag, and that Heidis husband stole it, but says she never wanted or expected anyone to see it. So the root of the problem appears to be that she doesn’t understand what cameras do. (radar)

LINDSAY LOHAN – wants Lou Taylor and Larry Rudolph, who managed the comeback of Britney Spears, to do the same for her. If step 1 was to wear a see-thru shirt and show off her tits, mission accomplished. (ny post)