HALLE BERRY MAKES MOVIES WAY BETTER

By brendon December 17, 2008 @ 5:01 AM

"Frankie and Alice" is, according to IMDb, "a drama centered on a young woman (Berry) with multiple personality disorder who struggles to remain her true self and not give in to her racist alter-personality".  So when the director saw that he was shackled with this boring, dumb ass concept for a movie, he had to find a way to make it interesting, to get asses in the seats, so to speak.  He thought long and hard.  Then, one day … he had an idea.  "A-ha", he said. "I’ve got it!"

(picture source = bauer griffin)



HALLE BERRY LOOKS DIFFERENT

By brendon October 28, 2008 @ 8:08 AM

I don’t know why some smart ass hairdresser would do this to Halle Berry, but I assume it has something to do with being gay and secretly wanting women to look bad.  Like maybe his mom beat him with a pool cue or something.  In a related story, I would also like to beat him with a pool cue.

(picture source = inf daily)



HALLE BERRY IS NUMBER ONE

By brendon October 08, 2008 @ 9:41 AM

Halle Berry has been named the Sexiest Woman Alive for 2008 by Esquire magazine, but this sucks because the website doesn’t have her interview up yet.  The best part of these is the creepy pervert interview.  Last year it was Charlize Theron.  Here's a word for word excerpt:

CLOSE ON CHARLIZE's mouth, her lips bent in her particular smile, sexy and knowing, a little bit leering, just sweet enough that you feel wont to assume some connection, some secret between you. This is the big trick of sexiness. The big lie. But it's no trick at all for her. She bites down on the pack of cigarettes and unspools the cellophane with her teeth, a luscious and familiar dissection.

There are lots of different way to write a story, so congratulations to this writer for finding the most terrifying way possible.  The way he studies her, like he's gathering intel on a target, is "it rubs the lotion on it's skin" level creepy, and I swear to god every single one of them is like this.



I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE

By brendon October 01, 2008 @ 6:41 PM

Halle Berry, Leonardo DiCaprio, Natalie Portman, Sarah Silverman, Benecio Del Toro and Tobey Maguire are just a few of the stars in this video that stretches a 30 second premise into 5 excruciating minutes. They begin by telling you not to vote, and then they say it again.  In fact they say it for far longer than is appropriate, but then, buckle the fuck up, because there’s a twist coming that will completely blow your mind. I had to walk around the room for a little while with my hands above my head just to catch my breath.

AWWW WOOK AT DA BABY

By brendon September 23, 2008 @ 7:56 AM

On one hand, these pictures of Halle Berry being charmingly normal and taking her little girl to the park like any other parent is kind of gay, because it’s babies and doting parents and it's all touching and shit.  On the other hand, the sixth and seventh pictures show Halle on her knees looking up with her mouth open, so it doesn’t take much to imagine the most perverted awesome scene possible.  Join me won't you?

Update – CALLING ALL PERVERTS – okay someone Photoshop that shit because it turns out my imagination sucks.  Stupid internet.



HALLE BERRY IS SOMEWHAT ATTRACTIVE

By brendon July 04, 2008 @ 7:48 AM

Someone send Hawaii some cameras from this century immediately, because Halle Berry is there today doing a photo shoot for her new perfume, and she looks fantastic despite the fact that she had a baby just two months ago.  At least I think she looks fantastic.  It’s hard to tell with these crappy spy pictures.  If they have a horrible camera, someone at least should have pushed their way to the front.  That’s what I would have done.  I'm the strongest man in the world!