halle berry at the academy awards

By brendon February 23, 2009 @ 2:13 AM

God damn Halle Berry is good looking.  I would stab a pony at my own kids birthday party if that somehow meant I could have sex with her.  I’m not sure why exactly that would get her to sleep with me, but by golly, I’ve got to try something!

(picture source = getty images)

I’D STILL HIT IT

By brendon December 18, 2008 @ 9:44 AM

Halle Berry is still filming that movie that sounds unwatchable, but in it she plays a crazy person.   This is Hollywood’s idea of a crazy homeless person.  Halle Berry.  You may notice Crazy Halle Berry is dressed very much like Sexy Halle Berry, except Crazy Halle Berry has boots instead of heels, and her face has scratches on it instead of my semen.   Oh that’s right.  I went east-west on that ass.  Jealous? 

(new pics and some more from yesterday, all from bauer griffin)



HALLE BERRY MAKES MOVIES WAY BETTER

By brendon December 17, 2008 @ 5:01 AM

"Frankie and Alice" is, according to IMDb, "a drama centered on a young woman (Berry) with multiple personality disorder who struggles to remain her true self and not give in to her racist alter-personality".  So when the director saw that he was shackled with this boring, dumb ass concept for a movie, he had to find a way to make it interesting, to get asses in the seats, so to speak.  He thought long and hard.  Then, one day … he had an idea.  "A-ha", he said. "I’ve got it!"

(picture source = bauer griffin)



HALLE BERRY LOOKS DIFFERENT

By brendon October 28, 2008 @ 8:08 AM

I don’t know why some smart ass hairdresser would do this to Halle Berry, but I assume it has something to do with being gay and secretly wanting women to look bad.  Like maybe his mom beat him with a pool cue or something.  In a related story, I would also like to beat him with a pool cue.

(picture source = inf daily)



HALLE BERRY IS NUMBER ONE

By brendon October 08, 2008 @ 9:41 AM

Halle Berry has been named the Sexiest Woman Alive for 2008 by Esquire magazine, but this sucks because the website doesn’t have her interview up yet.  The best part of these is the creepy pervert interview.  Last year it was Charlize Theron.  Here's a word for word excerpt:

CLOSE ON CHARLIZE's mouth, her lips bent in her particular smile, sexy and knowing, a little bit leering, just sweet enough that you feel wont to assume some connection, some secret between you. This is the big trick of sexiness. The big lie. But it's no trick at all for her. She bites down on the pack of cigarettes and unspools the cellophane with her teeth, a luscious and familiar dissection.

There are lots of different way to write a story, so congratulations to this writer for finding the most terrifying way possible.  The way he studies her, like he's gathering intel on a target, is "it rubs the lotion on it's skin" level creepy, and I swear to god every single one of them is like this.



I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE

By brendon October 01, 2008 @ 6:41 PM

Halle Berry, Leonardo DiCaprio, Natalie Portman, Sarah Silverman, Benecio Del Toro and Tobey Maguire are just a few of the stars in this video that stretches a 30 second premise into 5 excruciating minutes. They begin by telling you not to vote, and then they say it again.  In fact they say it for far longer than is appropriate, but then, buckle the fuck up, because there’s a twist coming that will completely blow your mind. I had to walk around the room for a little while with my hands above my head just to catch my breath.