HALLE BERRY IS NUMBER ONE

By brendon October 08, 2008 @ 9:41 AM

Halle Berry has been named the Sexiest Woman Alive for 2008 by Esquire magazine, but this sucks because the website doesn’t have her interview up yet.  The best part of these is the creepy pervert interview.  Last year it was Charlize Theron.  Here's a word for word excerpt:

CLOSE ON CHARLIZE's mouth, her lips bent in her particular smile, sexy and knowing, a little bit leering, just sweet enough that you feel wont to assume some connection, some secret between you. This is the big trick of sexiness. The big lie. But it's no trick at all for her. She bites down on the pack of cigarettes and unspools the cellophane with her teeth, a luscious and familiar dissection.

There are lots of different way to write a story, so congratulations to this writer for finding the most terrifying way possible.  The way he studies her, like he's gathering intel on a target, is "it rubs the lotion on it's skin" level creepy, and I swear to god every single one of them is like this.



I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE

By brendon October 01, 2008 @ 6:41 PM

Halle Berry, Leonardo DiCaprio, Natalie Portman, Sarah Silverman, Benecio Del Toro and Tobey Maguire are just a few of the stars in this video that stretches a 30 second premise into 5 excruciating minutes. They begin by telling you not to vote, and then they say it again.  In fact they say it for far longer than is appropriate, but then, buckle the fuck up, because there’s a twist coming that will completely blow your mind. I had to walk around the room for a little while with my hands above my head just to catch my breath.

AWWW WOOK AT DA BABY

By brendon September 23, 2008 @ 7:56 AM

On one hand, these pictures of Halle Berry being charmingly normal and taking her little girl to the park like any other parent is kind of gay, because it’s babies and doting parents and it's all touching and shit.  On the other hand, the sixth and seventh pictures show Halle on her knees looking up with her mouth open, so it doesn’t take much to imagine the most perverted awesome scene possible.  Join me won't you?

Update – CALLING ALL PERVERTS – okay someone Photoshop that shit because it turns out my imagination sucks.  Stupid internet.



HALLE BERRY IS SOMEWHAT ATTRACTIVE

By brendon July 04, 2008 @ 7:48 AM

Someone send Hawaii some cameras from this century immediately, because Halle Berry is there today doing a photo shoot for her new perfume, and she looks fantastic despite the fact that she had a baby just two months ago.  At least I think she looks fantastic.  It’s hard to tell with these crappy spy pictures.  If they have a horrible camera, someone at least should have pushed their way to the front.  That’s what I would have done.  I'm the strongest man in the world!

HALLE BERRY IS ALL CURVY

By brendon June 10, 2008 @ 10:00 AM

Halle Berry and her giant rack went to the dentist in Burbank over the weekend, and they did it while wearing this revealing top.  Which means this dentist guy spent the weekend imagining leaning over an unconscious Halle Berry and thinking of things to put into her mouth.  Man what a coincidence.

(picture source = inf daily)



HALLE BERRY IS NEW AND IMPROVED

By brendon April 30, 2008 @ 11:24 AM

Here are some pictures from yesterday of Halle Berry, and as you can tell, something about her has changed since she had a baby.  That’s right.  New glasses.  Here’s a close up of the glasses.  I think they might be Panama Jacks.  As I understand it, most of todays top stars wear Panama Jacks.