Harry Styles Pees In Sir-Mix-A-lot’s Bushes

By Michael January 30, 2014 @ 2:31 PM

One Direction singer and staged Kendall Jenner boyfriend, Harry Styles bared his ass while peeing in Sir-Mix-A-Lot’s bushes. The incident actually happened in November but has only now gotten attention online. Harry was having an evening promenade when he decided that he needed to drizzle on someone’s hedges, like you do. He lowered his pants and exposed his ass, peeing like that weird kid from the hippy family did in the 3rd grade. He proceeded to send a cryptic Tweet saying that Sir-Mix-A-Lot was in trouble. Mr. Mix-A-Lot saw the picture he realized those were his bushes that the little British poof was watering with his pasty banger. He tweeted,

“@Harry_Styles oh wait…. That’s my house!! Those are my bushes!!”

I remember the good old days when rising music starts got fucked up on China White and vomited on their way to the emergency room. If they were naked, it was in a hotel room full of opiates and half passed out incredibly skinny groupie girls in white cotton panties. Now it’s Harry Styles and Justin Bieber with photographs of their pants down peeing on bushes and in buckets or in the snow. What are you? Eleven? Once again another sign of musicians who came up without the hardships of lugging equipment, bumming smokes, and having bottles thrown at your head for sucking. You get a few years of that under your belt and you start peeing with your pants up like a grown man ought.

(Photo Via Instagram)

Brody Jenner Thinks Half-Sister Kendall Is a Slutty Genius

By Michael December 24, 2013 @ 1:07 PM

Brody Jenner thinks that his high school dropout little half-sister Kendall will break One Direction singer Harry Style’s poor heart. Harry, the One Direction guy with the intentionally dumb hair that a billion pubescent girls around the world imagine deflowering them, has supposedly been dating Kendall Jenner ever since Kris Jenner threatened to kill him and his entire extended family if he didn’t play along. Brody Jenner tells the New York Daily News that,

“I hate to tell you this, but Kendall will be doing the heartbreaking. I’m sure she’s having a fun time with him. She has a very level head, great head on her shoulders. But they are both so young.”

If you read between the lines, and with Brody Jenner, really the subtleties in his communications are the true genius, you’ll note that he realizes his half-sister is a by-product of the Kardashian bloodline where romance is but a ticked off check box in the ‘reality’ production manual. Kendall will end up honking whoever makes her more popular, provides her more story lines, and brings in the most coin to the family coffers. Once Harry’s cost-benefit diminishes, Kendall will take her empty gaze on to the next dude. Harry will be just fine, he’s going to bang a thousand hot women before his boy band days are over. But what about me and the emotionally retarded fan army of the Kardashians who live and die with their scripted personal lives? We will need the Kleenex to get through the breakups.

Cheer Up, Harry Styles, You Just Had Sex With Kendall Jenner

By Lex December 09, 2013 @ 9:32 AM

Sure  there’s some natural remorse after nailing a Kardashian. That’s the cosmos confirming you’re going to die prematurely in some grisly manner. Still, if you’re Q score is high enough to bone eighteen year old Kendall Jenner on a gratis package in New York, you’ve ought be wearing a shit-eating grin from ear to ear. You didn’t join a fucking boy band to make music, you sad mascara wearing sack. You’ve notched Taylor Swift and now Kendall Jenner. You’re one Madonna’s busty daughter away from an epic deflowering trifecta. They’ll sing songs about you, I mean, real singers who can sing actual notes. It’ll blow your mind. Now quit looking askance like  you’ve got VD and act like a fucking king.

Kendall Jenner Caught Dating Harry Styles On A School Night

By Lex November 21, 2013 @ 2:57 PM

Kendall Jenner And Harry Styles Leave A Restrautn Together In West Hollywood
I’m not sure whose publicist set this doozy up, but it worked. Fresh off he nipple baring coming out party, Kendall Jenner went out with boy band prancing Harry Styles to a popular West Hollywood restaurant packed with paparazzi. Kris Jenner’s black-only dating policy for the girls who work her house was waived for the evening, given the crazy level of media attention surrounding Styles. Kris still needs to work with Kendall on her ‘faking it’ face if she wants her daughter to take her game to the next level and super whoredom. Kendall spent most of the evening staring into her cellphone trying to figure out why the red Candy Crush Saga icons didn’t taste like cherries. That’s a joke, because she’s dumb.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Harry Styles Twerked At The Teen Choice Awards (VIDEO)

By Travis August 12, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

If Miley Cyrus hadn’t already taken the fine dance art of Twerking out behind the woodshed and put a bullet between its eyes, then One Direction’s Harry Styles took care of it at the 2013 Teen Choice Awards last night. As a billion teenage girls screamed with the orgasmic ferocity of 1,000 suns, Harry shook his ass for a brief moment, or at least long enough to make LL Cool J think, “White kids are the weirdest.” And then he went back to pretending that he and Brad Paisley didn’t record the worst song of the year with “Accidental Racist.”

Harry Styles Let One Direction Eat His Candy Thong (VIDEO)

By Travis June 24, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

This video is almost a week old, but it’s worth sharing because it’s both great to see that idiot kids are still violently hurling random objects at the guys from One Direction at their shows and Harry Styles still isn’t fooling anyone. There have always been questions about Harry’s preferences, what with his zest for grabbing his bandmates’ dicks, so I just don’t see why he feels like hiding the truth anymore.

Be brave, Harry. Set a standard for the other entertainers who are afraid to admit their deepest, darkest secrets and tell the world the truth already – you have no talent. You’ll feel better for it.