On April 23, MTV will debut the new reality series, Ke$ha: My Crazy Beautiful Life, which is about a girl built from elk bones and vanilla pudding who grows up to convince people that she’s an edgy and in-your-face pop star. So because she’s desperate for attention and probably an HPV vaccine, Ke$hatold the magazine NOW that she’s been flirting with One Direction singer Harry Styles by text and they may have something going on.
Spoiler: They don’t.
“We’ve texted here and there. No sexting — not yet. Maybe he can be my cougar bait.”
Ke$ha’s 26, mind you, but in ghost-fucking years that could be 50, for all I know. She’s not the only girl being linked to Harry’s shoe-bruised crotch, though. The Mirror reported over the weekend that Harry has been sleeping with a London stripper, who, of course, denied that they’re hooking up.
Between Ke$ha and a London stripper, this might be the first time that someone would be better off going back to Lindsay Lohan.
In case you need proof that Scottish people are angry, violent and all-around fantastic, someone at One Direction’s show last night in Glasgow hit Harry Styles in the balls with a shoe. The boy band took a break between horrible songs to moisten their female fans’ panties, when someone chucked a shoe at the stage. The first throw missed, but the second throw nailed Styles right in his oil checker.
It should go without saying that I didn’t watch Taylor Swift sing “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” at the Grammys last night, so I’m just taking Us magazines word for it when they say she’s acting like the entire god damn world is her facebook page again…
…and (Swift) took a jab at her British ex (Harry Styles of the band ‘One Direction’).
“So he calls me up and he’s like, ‘I still love you,’ and I’m like, ‘I’m sorry, I’m busy opening up the Grammys,’” she deadpanned in the middle of her song, using a British accent at an obvious nod toward Styles. “And we’re never getting back together, like, ever.”
2. What the hell is the point of this song anyway? Because none of the guys she writes about ever try to get back together. Quite the opposite, in fact. They just run; they don’t even stop to tweet. They don’t hope to get back together just like they don’t wish the guy who hit them with his car would back over them too.