afternoon headlines

LADY GAGA - says she's more than just eye candy. "My album covers are not sexual at all … The last thing a young woman needs is another picture of a sexy pop star writhing in sand, covered in grease, touching herself." Actually that might be good for young girls. Being... read more

tuesday morning headlines

JUDE LAW AND SIENNA MILLER - are back together. Or at least they were on Thanksgiving. "They had no problem flaunting their love right in the middle of the restaurant. They definitely looked like they were head-over-heels for each other." Of course Jude Law would stick... read more

monday afternoon headlines

NICK HOGAN - is mostly famous for driving like an reckless asshole, and Saturday night he "was involved in a minor car accident in Los Angeles." No one was hurt and no police reports were taken, so no specifics are known, but maybe a little torture will loosen his... read more

friday afternoon headlines

NEW MOON - is already breaking records. The ‘Twilight' sequel made $26.3M when it opened this morning at 12:01a.m. There were so many fat girls concentrated in so few spots, the mass pulled the moon 10 miles closer to America. If there's a tidalwave, I'll get you for... read more

thursday afternoon headlines

Todays headlines are sponsored by Barney, the fattest Dalmatian in England. He's not the fattest black and white mix breed in England though. Hint hint, Mariah Carey. (barney pix here and here and here. source = splash) DAVID FINCHER - was called in to create a menu... read more

afternoon headlines

WILL FERRELL - is the most overpaid star in Hollywood when looking at what he costs to hire compared to what his movies make at the box office. Ewan McGregor, Billy Bob Thornton, Eddie Murphy and Ice Cube round out the top 5. Which means I either misread something or... read more

tuesday afternoon headlines

WOODY HARRELSON - says America invaded Afghanistan because Chevron wanted to overthrow the Taliban and build an oil pipeline. "The guys from Chevron went in and met with the Taliban and realized those guys just weren't in control enough. That's why they wanted to oust... read more

tuesday morning headlines

ZACH GALIFIANAKIS - has a new episode of ‘Between Two Ferns', this time with Andy Richter and Conan O'Brien. Anything I write here will look dumb compared to even the smallest thing Zach and Andy do in this, so I'm giving up except to say fuck them both. (funny or die)... read more

monday afternoon headlines

DAVID LETTERMAN - is denying a report in the Enquirer that his wife has thrown him out of the house as a result of the affairs he admitted to last month. If she does try to kick him out, he should give her a book about Scott Peterson. Remind her what's up. (wonderwall) ... read more

thursday evening headlines

SHARON OSBOURNE - went on Opie and Anthony last week and said Susan Boyle looked like a "slapped ass". Today she apologized, calling Boyle a "lovely gracious woman". But then she added, "like a blue ribbon pig at the state fair", so I'm not sure how this is helping. (... read more

afternoon headlines

OPRAH WINFREY - had Charla Nash as a guest on her show yesterday. She's the woman from Connecticut who had her face and hands bitten off by a pet monkey last year. It's hard to describe what she looks like now, so just scream at the top of your lungs. There. She looks... read more

monday afternoon headlines

AVATAR - will have cost around $500 million when it hits screens next month, so it's already breaking records as the most expensive movie ever made, and the one people most regret investing in. WTF is this nonsense? (la times) RIHANNA - is a little tattle-tale,... read more