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afternoon headlines

STEVE JOBS - has fought a rare form of pancreatic cancer for 7 years, but now reportedly has just 6 weeks to live. It's not that there isn't a cure for pancreatic cancer, it's just that it's on youtube and he can't open the file. (the enquirer) ASHLEY SIMPSON - filed for divorce from Pete Wentz just last week, but she's been out partying for months, and it got to the point where he felt he couldn't trust her. Which...read more

afternoon headlines

AMANDA SEYFRIED - moved into a new house today, but without the help of her boyfriend Ryan Phillipe. Probably because he was busy hitting on Rihanna. But what do you expect, he's not magic, he can't be in two places at once. Be reasonable. (us.com) GLEE - has only been on the air for 2 seasons, but they've now had 113 songs on the Billboard Top 100, breaking the previous record of 108, held by Elvis. Hopefully this...read more

morning headlines

SCARLETT JOHANSSON - is 26, and she's "smitten" with Sean Penn, who is 50. Obviously Penn is a jackass but I hope I can still nail girls half my age when I'm 50. And that my wife won't be all cunty about it. (us) X-MEN: FIRST CLASS - will release it's first trailer today, though it probably won't be that great considering how far behind schedule this movie is. It comes out June 3rd and they're still filming. At least...read more

morning headlines

KIM KARDASHIAN - went on a few dates with Gabriel Aubry, and that apparently drove Halle Berry nuts. "She was upset at the idea of someone like that being in her daughter's life. She did not want a reality star in Nahla's life. She was very aggravated." Christ calm down. It's just Kim Kardashian. She goes shopping. What could go wrong. It's not like the kid was gonna be on Ultimate Fighter, and someone was gonna grab...read more

morning headlines

CHRIS EVANS - is on the cover of the new issue of Empire, and only a country as bad ass as America could have a superhero like this. What would the French one be, some pedophile in a smock holding a baguette? You can suck it, France! (empire) RICKY GERVAIS - has been asked to host the Golden Globes again next year, because the ratings were up again, but doesn't think he should because he doesn't think the show could...read more

afternoon headlines

CHARLIE SHEEN - will be doing rehab, ahem, from his house. Because he doesn't want any embarrassing details coming out about his private life. Remember this as you read the very next sentence. (tmz) KACEY JORDAN - has yet another new interview talking about sex with Charlie Sheen, aaanndd it would almost be over by now according to her. "It was OK. It didn't last very long (probably) because he was so fucked up. When...read more

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afternoon headlines

KATIE COURIC - says that Muslims in America want their own TV show. Does security footage from airports count? (popeater) LADY GAGA - is creating a perfume that smells like blood and semen. Uhh, I already have both those things. If I wanted to mix them together and rub them on my pulse points, I would. But I don't. (fashionista) FOLLOW ME - on twitter. Or dont, whatever man, it's your life. (twitter) JESSICA ALBA -...read more

morning headlines

SKINS - has now lost so many sponsors (Taco Bell, Wrigley, Subway, Foot Locker, L'Oreal and Shick) due to its subject matter, it's now in danger of being canceled. Can't they just get new sponsors? Sponsors who aren't so uptight? Like tequila, or the morning after pill. Or a tequila with the morning after pill in it. (fox) PENELOPE CRUZ AND JAVIER BARDEM - are now the parents of a baby boy, with Penelope giving birth...read more

afternoon headlines

NO STRINGS ATTACHED - was the only new movie in theaters this week, and it made 20 million to win a very slow weekend box office. So finally we've discovered that people will watch an Ashton Kutcher movie, as long as they have nothing else to choose from. (box office mojo) SKINS - has lost two more sponsors, Subway and Schick, citing concerns that the show may be child pornography. Jersey Shore went through this same...read more

morning headlines

REGIS PHILBIN - quit his talk show because of money, and he thinks he can do better, despite the fact that he was making 20 million a year and is so old he has to be reanimated with jumper cables every morning. (tmz) JONATHAN KNIGHT - of New Kids On The Block was outed by Tiffany on TV Friday night. A guy who sings and dances is secretly gay? Now I've seen everything! (popeater) NAYA RIVERA - of Glee hosted a party...read more

afternoon headlines

SKINS - is the new MTV drama, with a cast ranging from 15-19, where everyone gets drunk and has sex, and now some nerds are asking the government to open an investigation to determine if it's child pornography. I don't think it is, but I haven't fucked a 15 year old since I was like 24, so maybe the laws have changed since then. (deadline) AMERICAN IDOL - on Thursday night was down 9 percent from Wednesday night,...read more

morning headlines

SUPERBOWL XLV - will have at least 13 ads for movies, including what should be the first real footage from Super 8 and Capt. America. No word yet on what PuppyBowl VII will have ads for. Dog food? (variety) RACHEL WEISZ - is the choice for the female lead in the new James Bond movie, which is weird bc she dates Daniel Craig, who of course plays James Bond. It's always a solid idea to make plans for a year from now...read more

afternoon headlines

SELENA GOMEZ - is reportedly in a topless phone pic being shopped around, but her reps are denying that it's her. And yes that's the picture in question in the headline. I'm sure it's fake but it's hard to tell. I haven't seen Selena Gomez naked as many times as you might think. (celebuzz) THE OFFICE - will have a huge guest star next week when Ricky Gervais appears as David Brent (who of course was the main...read more

morning headlines

MIRANDA KERR - posted the first picture of her son Flynn, presumably taken by her husband Orlando Bloom, and as you can see it was while he was sucking on one of her perky little tits. Which means he's 2 weeks old and his life has probably peaked. (kora organics) BRUCE WILLIS - was a pain in the ass to work with on Cop Out, according to director Kevin Smith. "I had no fucking help from this dude whatsoever." And yet...read more

Tuesday afternoon headlines

CAMERON DIAZ - was at the premiere of the Green Hornet last night, and I know we've already covered how ugly she is IRL, but she's annoying and arrogant so we're gonna cover it again. This time with video, because it's easier to see how much she looks like the puppet from Saw this way. (lat) JAMES BOND - had plans for a 23rd film, directed by Sam Mendes and starring Daniel Craig, but it was delayed because of MGMs...read more