Heather Mills is quickly establishing her legacy as one of the world’s great monsters, right alongside people like the Green River Killer and that son of a bitch who made my coffee with soy this morning. Mills has always denied it, but last night a documentary aired on the BBC and several witnesses claimed that she was in fact a high price call girl who had a unique talent for twisting very wealthy men to pay for her opulent lifestyle. This was all years before she met, married and divorced Paul McCartney, and was awarded 50 million dollars in a settlement. To prove all this, the documentary included grainy pictures of someone who appears to be Mills in various states of undress. Case Closed!!! Splash News Online says…
Some of the world's most powerful and rich men were Heather Mills' sugar daddies, a former prostitute claims. Denize Hewitt said a Saudi Prince, Australian tycoon Kerry Packer and Saudi arms dealer Adnan Khashoggi all paid Mills for sex. She was speaking out on an explosive Channel 4 documentary Heather Mills: What Really Happened. The show also features Heather's dad Mark Mills, her ghost writer and the sister of her first husband.
I also heard that one time Mills was in New York and during that same time they had a murder that was never solved. Was it Mills? Almost definitely, yes, it was. If it wasn’t her, why won’t she pay my hush money, ask yourself that. Does she think she's above the law?
Heather Mills, of course, was a judge on the Miss USA pageant four days ago, and her winning attitude and "can do" spirit are quickly making her as beloved here in America as she is back home in England. Page Six says…
It wasn't just the audience that hated Heather Mills at the Miss USA Pageant over the weekend - the show's producers couldn't stand Paul McCartney's one-legged ex-wife, either.
Audience members loudly booed and hissed when Mills was introduced as a judge for the show at the Planet Hollywood Resort and Casino in Vegas. But the real problem came behind the scenes, where, for three weeks prior, Mills refused to sign a contract stating the show could be rebroadcast.
"She flat out refused because of one line," said an insider. "They went back and forth rewriting and finally threatened to pull her from it altogether. She still wouldn't sign it because she wants to get paid if they resell the footage. Her ego is enormous, and it's getting bigger by the minute."
She says she plans on moving to LA or New York because everyone in England hates her, but America hates her too so that probably won't help. But I hope she does because she's like pure evil and that shit is interesting. I bet if you look she'd have a pentagram shaped birthmark on the small of her back, as foretold in the prophecy.
TOM CRUISE IS FUNNY - The New York Times says an industry screening Tuesday night for the Ben Stiller movie "Tropic Thunder" – the one where Robert Downy Jr plays a black guy – was noteworthy mostly for the surprise cameo by Tom Cruise as a fat, balding and ruthless movie executive. The uncredited cameo was supposed to be a surprise, as Cruise is not included in any commercials or promotional material, but you can find a picture of him in character here. What you won't find is the strength to open your heart and love again. That’s been inside you the whole time.
THAT GIRL WAS VOTED OFF - People magazine says that Ramiele Malubay was voted off American Idol last night, and they say it in the hottest way possible. “It was an all-female bottom three as Brooke White and Kristy Lee Cook joined Ramiele Malubay…” Rawr. What a sexy show this is.
HEATHER MILLS IS CLEVER – Heather Mills was seen on her way to Los Angeles yesterday in black wig, a cunning disguise that caused many to say, "Hey look, there’s Heather Mills in a black wig". Plan B: a handlebar mustache and monocle.
Paul McCartney met Heather Mills for the first time in 1999. They started dating a year later, and he proposed to her in 2001. They got married in 2002, then divorced in 2006. For this, she was awarded $48.7 million. That equates to roughly 35,000 dollars for every day they were married. On top of that, she gets payments of $70,000 per year, plus money to pay for nannies and school for their daughter, Beatrice. Please keep in mind, most of McCartney’s money was earned with the Beatles, who broke up when Mills was 12 months old.
Oh, but hey, guess what…
Heather Mills is trying to prove Sir Paul McCartney is worth much more than the £400 million he claimed in their divorce battle.
She has told friends she is employing a team of forensic accountants to examine her former husband's finances.
In her impromptu press conference after the divorce hearing at the High Court, Miss Mills said: "We all know he's worth £800million. He's been worth £800million for the last 15 years."
Mills says she can't raise Beatrice with just the 50 million and the 70 grand a year.
Miss Mills has told friends she cannot look after Beatrice on £35,000 a year, the sum awarded at the High Court.
One said: "Heather says she can prove the amount of money that is being given to look after Bea will not last over the year. She is putting it to the test.
"Even with Bea travelling in economy Heather says it's not enough. She is keeping every receipt - including her invoice to her security team - to show that £35,000 is just not sufficient.
"Heather's thinking is that Bea should not be seen to have a different lifestyle when she is with Heather compared to Paul - and she is going about proving that is not possible.
Well, on this one, Mills might be wrong. I think I did read about about a child who was once raised on less than 70 grand a year. I think it was in the Bible.
I was gonna watch "Dancing with the Stars" this year to see one-legged contestant Heather Mills, but then I remembered I wasn't super super gay, so I didn't. Luckily I'm confident enough to watch clips on youtube, at least clips that are described as "Heather Mills falls". Obviously she's handicapped and we're supposed to pretend this is empoweringly heroic, but here's the thing: it's not. It's really not. She's kind of a bitch and she can't dance. She looks like a drunk on stilts. She looks like someone put a baby giraffe on skates and then pushed it. For three minutes, she looks so hopelessly lost and confused, I swear to christ if you could somehow get a monkey out of a time machine and then immediately put him on stage, he'd do as good or better. Oh, and THEN she falls down. Ta-da!
