Heidi Klum Spanked

By Lex September 07, 2015 @ 10:15 AM

Heidi Klum Gets Spanked
Heidi Klum posted a picture of her ass being spanked by The Naughty Spoon, presumably in the strong hands of her young boyfriend. There was no explanation as to what Heidi had done to deserve the whack, though it could have something to do with her family’s contributions to the Nazi Germany war machine. Or she snuck a cronut. It’s just comforting to know her kids and their friends at middle school can log onto the Internet and check out mom getting The Naughty Spoon. I Googled my mom once and discovered she was in a jazz band in college. This is almost as bad.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Heidi Klum Tans Buck Naked And Shit Around The Web

By Jack July 31, 2015 @ 12:00 PM


Heidi Klum is still looking pretty hot in spite of having had like 5 million kids and being in her late forties. You wish your girl looked this good now much less in middle age. Here she is sunbathing topless in Sardinia.

Check out her Teutonic majesties. (The Superficial)

Kendall Schuler’s topless tits will make your wiener happy. (Egotastic All-Stars)

So, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are still alive. (TMZ)

James Woods sues a Twitter troll for 10 million dollars. (Dlisted)

ESPN host Lindsay Czarniak is sexy on Instagram. (COED)

Please enjoy Shay Mitchell’s sideboob. (Drunken Stepfather)

Hot chicks in sunglasses. It’s a new fetish! (The Chive)

Heidi Klum Bikini Vacation With Young Dick

By Lex July 28, 2015 @ 2:04 PM

Heidi Klum And Vito Schnabel Bikini Vacation In Sardinia
Things got serious between Heidi Klum and that young guy she’s been fucking for the past year when she dropped the “love’ word on social media. Heidi has been touring the Riviera with Vito the Cock to celebrate his twenty-something birthday. Heidi explained to her children that mommy needs to leave for a while because she cums harder on high purity silica sand which can only be found outside North America. Mom works super hard. Should she have to apologize for wanting to grind some young dick? Not if you don’t want the metal hangers, you repressive little fucks. Stop ruining everything. Seal!

Photo Credit: PacificCoastNews

Heidi Klum Looks Healthy

By Matt July 22, 2015 @ 6:12 AM


42 year old bobble head Heidi Klum posed for her new line of intimates, perfect to slip on after a romantic evening of rice cakes and laxatives. Klum looks pretty good for her age if she were serving time for possession. You can boil life down to not getting fat and regular trips to the spa. That is if you host a TV show which pays you a million dollars a word to sit there and nod. Beyond that if you’re willing to survive on a diet of boiled water condensation you should be good to go. Stop licking the stove you’ve reached your limit. Do you need a spotter for those heels? Why did you buy this perverted novelty costume for the cat? These don’t fit have you been watching Skeletor’s reality show again? I thought intimate meant we take our clothes off. Why are you wasting money? Get this chick a neck brace. I definitely still would.

Photo Credit: HeidiKlumIntimates.com 

Heidi Klum Is Your Commander

By Lex June 03, 2015 @ 9:45 AM

Heidi Klum And Vito Schnabel At It Again On The Beach In St Barts

The fault in the woman’s rights movement is lumping everything and the kitchen sink into a broad demand for equality. As with any campaign, you need to more narrowly target your goals if you want to achieve a meaningful success. Asking for everything only guarantees you’ll get nothing. Pinpointing goodies like being able to become rich and famous and divorce your husbands for the superior experience of young trophy fucks, you now have a winnable issue. Not every battle can be D-Day. That’s a once a war kind of thing. Sometimes, you just want to afternoon Caribbean beach fuck attractive semi-employed afternoon boy toys. Ride the snot out of his young man cock while deploring the fiction of 72-cents on the dollar for female pay. Your orgasm will let you know when victory has been achieved.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Heidi Klum Plays It Rich

By Lex April 23, 2015 @ 11:42 AM

Heidi Klum Wears Her Own Lingerie For Sia
Heidi Klum got herself cast in the latest Sia video about melancholy girls in underwear lighting men on fire, the summary visual definition of feminism. Heidi makes out a lot with the dude who got his head exploded in Game of Thrones before they torch her house and she runs out with the wig of the little girl the pedo bear cast in Sia’s previous three videos. At some point they close in on the lingerie Heidi’s wearing revealing it’s her own branded line available at numerous department stores with previously worn versions for sale on Craigslist. If you ever wondered what would happen if models had brains, this is it. Not mountain top strongholds with lasers like I previously predicted. Heidi Klum is worth $70 million. She banged, gestated, worked, contracted, and plotted every single dollar therein. She won’t ever get a school holiday like that dude who helped migrant strawberry pickers get raises from 30 cents an hour to 34 cents an hour, but young people should study her just the same. This German chick is America’s last chance.

Photo Credit: Sia “Fire Meet Gasoline”