By Lex December 10, 2015 @ 10:46 AM
Heidi Klum declared she’s really comfortable taking her clothes off for photo shoots where she gets to dress like that neighbor mom who lightly plays tennis that you so want to bang. Klum doesn’t need the money or attention anymore from this kind of pictorial. She’s just taunting. She’s forty-two and bore some myriad of children to a number of connected men and she’s still looks like this. She’s also fucking dudes in their 20′s. This is what Charlie Sheen could have been without the drugs. This is actual winning. I’d cry if I had tits. Then I’d massage them some until I felt less sad.
Photo Credit: Galore Magazine
By Lex November 04, 2015 @ 10:43 AM
Heidi Klum appeared to flash where black German babies from from during her Halloween dress up party. It’s not so shocking save for the fact this is the signal to the U-Boats at sea to begin their torpedoing of Carnival cruise line vessels. Fuck the old people and their pineapple sculptures. It’s possible her bare looking snatch is part of the prosthetics she had her hand selected gay Mormon entourage sculpt onto her body for the evening. Heidi Klum takes Halloween seriously. If that means Jacko sleeping meds for the kids and ditching the panties for the platinum package pay bump, fuck it, mama said boo.
Photo Credit: Getty
By Lex October 29, 2015 @ 12:49 PM
Halloween is a time for Heidi Klum to escape the doldrum of being tall and hot and rich and having a young male fuck toy and eleven extremely well behaved kids or so the nanny reports indicate and just be somebody else for one night. Heidi’s going as some kind of enlarged ass and tit celebrity. Perhaps Nicki Minaj or maybe a Kardashian. If she dons black face we’ll hear about it everywhere but in the German papers. When you get so big selling sex that you can mock other people who sell sex you know you’ve arrived. That’s stone cold fahrvergnügen.
Photo Credit: Twitter
By Lex September 07, 2015 @ 10:15 AM
Heidi Klum posted a picture of her ass being spanked by The Naughty Spoon, presumably in the strong hands of her young boyfriend. There was no explanation as to what Heidi had done to deserve the whack, though it could have something to do with her family’s contributions to the Nazi Germany war machine. Or she snuck a cronut. It’s just comforting to know her kids and their friends at middle school can log onto the Internet and check out mom getting The Naughty Spoon. I Googled my mom once and discovered she was in a jazz band in college. This is almost as bad.
Photo Credit: Instagram
By Michael July 31, 2015 @ 12:00 PM
Heidi Klum is still looking pretty hot in spite of having had like 5 million kids and being in her late forties. You wish your girl looked this good now much less in middle age. Here she is sunbathing topless in Sardinia.
Check out her Teutonic majesties. (The Superficial)
Kendall Schuler’s topless tits will make your wiener happy. (Egotastic All-Stars)
So, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are still alive. (TMZ)
James Woods sues a Twitter troll for 10 million dollars. (Dlisted)
ESPN host Lindsay Czarniak is sexy on Instagram. (COED)
Please enjoy Shay Mitchell’s sideboob. (Drunken Stepfather)
Hot chicks in sunglasses. It’s a new fetish! (The Chive)
By Lex July 28, 2015 @ 2:04 PM
Things got serious between Heidi Klum and that young guy she’s been fucking for the past year when she dropped the “love’ word on social media. Heidi has been touring the Riviera with Vito the Cock to celebrate his twenty-something birthday. Heidi explained to her children that mommy needs to leave for a while because she cums harder on high purity silica sand which can only be found outside North America. Mom works super hard. Should she have to apologize for wanting to grind some young dick? Not if you don’t want the metal hangers, you repressive little fucks. Stop ruining everything. Seal!
Photo Credit: PacificCoastNews