Heidi Klum And Malin Akerman Love The People

By Travis January 09, 2014 @ 10:00 AM

The People’s Choice Awards aired live from Los Angeles last night on CBS, which must have been so exciting for the simple-minded folk who think that casting votes for celebrities somehow bridges the gap between the elite and their fans. The big winners of the night were Heidi Klum and Malin Akerman, who were both nominated for Favorite Pair of Partially Exposed Breasts, and wouldn’t you know it? They tied!

But for a complete list of the evening’s winners, be sure to ask your recently-divorced aunt or the unemployed hoarder who lives next door to you, because they’re the only people on Earth who would know.

Photo Credits: Apega/WENN.com

Melanie Iglesias And Lindsay Ellingson Deserve All Of The Halloween Candy

By Travis November 01, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

All I know about Melanie Iglesias is that she has appeared on some MTV show called Guy Code and she thinks that she “served” Kate Upton by dancing with her friend in revealing outfits, and I certainly appreciate the latter. But she stole the show at Heidi Klum’s Halloween party at Marquee in New York City last night with her homemade mermaid costume. A mermaid is always a great choice, because it reminds guys how much they wanted to have sex with Ariel from The Little Mermaid, even though she’s half-fish and that’s disgusting.

Victoria’s Secret model Lindsay Ellingson was also at the party, dressed as Sandy from Grease, and while that wasn’t as impressive as a mermaid with incredible seashells, it was still better than pretty much everyone except for Melanie and Heidi. Try to be more attractive next time, everyone else.

Photo Credits: Alberto Reyes/WENN.com

Heidi Klum Is Still Good At Halloween Without Seal

By Travis November 01, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

Heidi Klum hosted her annual Halloween party last night at Marquee in New York City, and plenty of stars came out to show off their ideas of creative and fun costumes, from Coco Austin and Ice-T to Melanie Iglesias and Lindsay Ellingson (more on some of them in a bit), but the only person and costume that ever matters on Halloween is Heidi herself. It used to be that Heidi and her ex-husband Seal would arrive together and blow everyone away, but now she’s a solo act, and she did just fine with her costume as an elderly woman that every man at the party wanted to sleep with.

Photo Credits: Alberto Reyes/WENN.com

Heidi Klum’s Mom Is Her Racy Instagram Photographer

By Lex July 26, 2013 @ 2:10 PM

Heidi Klum's Sexy Instagram Photos
Heidi Klum revealed that she taps her mom with the responsibility of snapping her half-naked Instagram photos. Nobody really knows their kids body better than a parent I suppose, in some creepy kind of way I’d prefer not to think about. Someday, I’d like to have kids that grow up to ask me to take racy photos of them to post on social media outlets. So I can say no fucking way then send them to their room for being automaton fame whores. Unless there was real money to be had, naturally.

Photo Credit: Heidi Klum/Instagram

Heidi Klum Might Not Have Any Nipples

By Travis July 17, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

If there’s one thing that Heidi Klum loves more than being a world famous super model earning more money in a month than most people in Detroit will earn in their lives, it’s almost showing her tits on Twitter. But as I’ve become quite the fan of her semi-nude efforts in entertaining her 1.6 million followers, I’ve found myself wondering why she never shows her nipples and if she even has nipples at all.

And for that matter, why has she never pleasured herself in a hot tub? I’m afraid until I see pictures of either, I’m just going to continue thinking that Heidi is a fraud.

Heidi Klum In A Bikini

By Lex July 08, 2013 @ 1:32 PM



You can always tell when a woman’s having lots of sex because they start Tweeting body part pictures of themselves. Women aren’t much different than men. They feel good about themselves when getting laid. If Twitter allowed it and anybody gave a shit, dudes who were knocking serious boot would be posting their dick pics all the time. Heidi Klum tweeted her ass from the Bahamas where she spent the long weekend having crazy vacation sex with her kids’ bodyguard. When a woman has sand in her vagina and her first thought is, somebody take a picture of my ass, she’s definitely feeling groovy.

Here’s Heidi in a couple bikinis in the Bahamas. She did her hair in braids either to mimic Bo Derek in 10 or the three fat underemployed 20-something girls who sit on my apartment stoop smoking cloves. Probably Bo Derek.

Photo Credit: PCN