Heidi Klum is disapointing

By brendon August 05, 2010 @ 3:14 PM

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Heidi Klum and Seal and their kids are in Portofino, Italy, and these pictures suck, not only because Heidi doesn’t look like Heidi anymore, but because how many god damn yachts are there? Does everyone have one but me? I’d settle for any kind of boat right now. Not to go sailing, but to inflict terror. Because this yachting aristocracy is making me feel bad about myself.

heidi klum at the victorias secret fashion show

By brendon November 20, 2009 @ 1:50 PM

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The famous Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show was held in New York City last night, and Heidi Klum is fantastic looking but she’s not exactly 19 anymore, and she gave birth to her fourth child just 6 weeks ago. So many kids have come through her vagina you’d think Disneyland was on the other side.

Point being, they can’t exactly whore her up like they used to, so her pictures are a little disappointing. They should replace her. A logical choice would be my beloved Kimberly Phillips (nsfw playboy pic here, facebook here). You wouldn’t have a car show with a 2003 BMW headlining would you? No, you’d have what’s next. This is the same thing, except maybe worse because I could still at least hump the BMW.

(FASCINATING SIDE NOTE – someone from playboy who was at the shoot emailed to say that the book Kimberly is reading in this nsfw picture is ‘Rant’. By Chuck Palahniuk. Author of ‘Fight Club’. Which stars Tyler Durden. Oh, I know right? This hot skinny bitch is so perfect she probably tastes like strawberries and can move things with her mind too.)

(picture source = getty images and playboy cyber club)

friday morning headlines

By brendon October 30, 2009 @ 9:02 AM

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LINDSAY LOHAN – is sleeping with guys again. Or at least she left a hotel with one, a model named Pete Smith. Wow, sex with Lindsay Lohan! What an amazing accomplishment. She must think he’s really special. (the sun)

ASHLEE SIMPSON – might have been kicked off ‘Melrose Place’ because Heather Locklear wanted to be the only big name star. Although it’s hard to believe that anyone who considers Ashlee Simpson a threat would even have enough clout to get a sandwich, much less final say on casting. (star)

BATMAN VANISHING – this is one of the most popular videos anywhere right now, probably because it’s awesome. (college humor)

HEIDI KLUM – is the star of the new book ‘Rankin’s Heidilicious’. Those two words seem to be complete jibberish, but when you have a book with dozens of naked Heidi Klum pictures, you could call it ‘This Book Is Made Of Poison’ and still sell a billion copies.

afternoon headlines

By brendon October 09, 2009 @ 5:24 PM

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DAVID LETTERMAN – made a second on-air apology to his wife, because she pretty much threatened to cut his nuts off if he didn’t. “He wanted the whole thing to blow over. But Regina told him he better make an apology to let everyone know how sorry he was for how much he hurt and humiliated her.” Haha, what a loser! He’s so p-whipped! People laugh at me because I’ve never had sex or kissed a girl or talked to a girl, but suddenly my crushing loneliness doesn’t look so bad! Oh … wait. No. No it still does. (fox news)

HEIDI KLUM – gave birth at 1am to a baby girl she named Lou Samuel. It’s her 4th child, but the first that might very well look like something from outer space. (radar)

NIKKI – I’m in love with the Cute College Girl of the Day. I love her wholly and completely. I would kill for her, I would die for her, I want to marry her and have a family and spend the rest of our lives together. (college humor)

TARA REID – went completely naked on Wednesday for a photo shoot for Playboy. She’s 33 now, and she’s of course had several plastic surgeries, so hopefully her tits look better now than they did back in 2004 when her nipples looked like the dial on a safe. (14 pics here. hq jump here. story source = intouch)

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Leave Heidi alone, pervert

By brendon July 06, 2009 @ 4:46 PM

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Heidi Klum and her enormous pregnant breasts tired to spend a fun day with her kids at a park in New York City yesterday, but some old lady had to come up and ruin everything. I think she propositioned her, because Heidi looks disgusted, and the old lady is doing the “I wanna grab those big titties” hand gesture. Jeez, not in front of the kids, you sicko.

heidi klum is pregnant

By brendon April 16, 2009 @ 6:29 AM

Heidi Klum is so impossibly gd good looking that, even when you combine her DNA with Seals, hers is so hot the result is a cute kid.  She could probably mate with an actual seal and the result would still be a kid better looking than 90 percent of earth.   And its a good thing too because those two are at again.  

Sources confirm that the supermodel mogul is expecting her third child with music-man hubby Seal.
The couple has two sons together, Henry Günther Ademola Dashtu Samuel, 3, and Johan Riley Fyodor Taiwo Samuel, 2. Seal is also the adoptive father of Klum's daughter, Helene "Leni" Klum (who turns 5 on May 4), whom she had with Italian businessman Flavio Briatore.
A source tells me that Klum, 35, is a little less than four-months pregnant.

Heidi is the best case scenario of what happens when a girl is too good-looking and no guy ever tells her to shut up.  She really is a complete dork, but in a harmless and even adorable way.  So she makes Seal do stuff like this and this, and she goes more and more insane every Halloween, but she'll also pay for a yacht and then walk around topless (1,2) and even serve you lunch that way (bam).  So yeah, a few Disney parades and face paint seem worth it.  Hell, I would blow a homeless guy on stage at my high school reunion to get on top of Heidi as many times as Seal has.