By brendon October 12, 2012 @ 3:24 PM
Heidi Klum is awesome but goofy, so when you date her, you don’t get to just bang her all day long. You have to do all that nerdy stuff that girls consider fun because girls are idiots, like get your face-painted at street fairs and wear increasingly complicated and ridiculous Halloween costumes every year.
Her new boyfriend Martin Kristen found this out at Disney California Adventure when she had him take a picture that made them look like they lived in the old west. So if you’re a friend of Martin Kristen, be sure to call him a fag the next time you see him and make the “pussy whipped” sound where you pretend to crack a whip.
(image source = inf)
As implied by the headline, Heidi Klum tweeted this picture while at the beach yesterday, with the caption “Gorgeous day!”
“Well I wouldn’t know Heidi, because your boobs and vagina take up the entire picture,” said a guy who missed the point.
(image source of heidi on june 23rd filming a commercial in new york for a german hairspray named taft = inf, fame/flynet, splash)
By brendon January 26, 2012 @ 3:55 PM
Pretty much the first thing Seal did after it was announced that he and Heidi Klum were getting a divorce was go on the Ellen DeGeneres show (with his wedding ring still on) and sing ‘Let’s Stay Together’.
Then there was talk that maybe Klum didn’t really want a divorce but she had to do something drastic to convince him to go to counseling for his temper, and then last night she was out with her wedding ring on too.
So what the hell? Are they separating or not? If I had anything better to do with my time and this nonsense was keeping me from it, I would be outraged.
By brendon January 24, 2012 @ 10:08 AM
This won’t make a ton of sense, but yesterday, just a few hours after Heidi Klum and Seal announced that they were getting a divorce and ending their 7 year marriage, Seal was wearing his wedding ring and saying how awesome Heidi Klum is on the Ellen Degeneres show:
“Yes, I am still wearing my ring. I think it’s just pretty much a token of how I feel about this woman. We have eight years.
“Just because we have decided to separate doesn’t necessarily mean you take off your ring and you’re no longer connected to that person.
“We will be connected in many ways ‘til the rest of our lives.”
It’s a good thing Seal has always seemed so dignified, because that could have easily sounded creepy instead of romantic. Especially with him looking so, I don’t know, so “tribal”. I’d be scared to date Heidi next. He looks like he’d eat your heart to gain your powers.
(image source = pacific coast)
By brendon January 23, 2012 @ 9:31 AM
Heidi Klum and Seal have had 4 kids during their seemingly happy 7 year marriage, but now those kids are orphans or whatever because Klum and Seal are getting a divorce. Last night, they released this controversial statement…
“We have had the deepest respect for one another throughout our relationship and continue to love each other, but our six-year-old son Henry still wets the bed. It’s so embarrassing! We can’t even have his friends over anymore because he’ll pee on them. I don’t know what his deal is. He must like it, the little pervert. Does sham-wow make sheets? Because we’d buy some. Anyway, this led to a lot of tension in the house and that led to fights. So thanks a lot you little dick! Way to ruin our family.”
Wow, nice job Henry. Hey look, your mom is crying again, is this what you wanted, are you happy now?
By brendon October 31, 2011 @ 10:36 AM
Heidi Klum held her annual Halloween party at TAO in Vegas this weekend and, as always, she had the most elaborate costume there, this time wearing this muscle diagram thing complimented with some sexy heels. So this is sort of what Heidi Klum will look like after she dies and I dig her up and take her on a date.
(image source = splash)