Heidi Klum is single

By brendon January 23, 2012 @ 9:31 AM

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Heidi Klum and Seal have had 4 kids during their seemingly happy 7 year marriage, but now those kids are orphans or whatever because Klum and Seal are getting a divorce. Last night, they released this controversial statement…

“We have had the deepest respect for one another throughout our relationship and continue to love each other, but our six-year-old son Henry still wets the bed. It’s so embarrassing! We can’t even have his friends over anymore because he’ll pee on them. I don’t know what his deal is. He must like it, the little pervert. Does sham-wow make sheets? Because we’d buy some. Anyway, this led to a lot of tension in the house and that led to fights. So thanks a lot you little dick! Way to ruin our family.”

Wow, nice job Henry. Hey look, your mom is crying again, is this what you wanted, are you happy now?

Heidi Klum makes necrophilia sexy

By brendon October 31, 2011 @ 10:36 AM

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Heidi Klum held her annual Halloween party at TAO in Vegas this weekend and, as always, she had the most elaborate costume there, this time wearing this muscle diagram thing complimented with some sexy heels. So this is sort of what Heidi Klum will look like after she dies and I dig her up and take her on a date.

(image source = splash)

Heidi Klum is gonna win Halloween again

By brendon October 27, 2011 @ 4:02 PM

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Heidi Klum doesn’t win Halloween every single year by accident. It takes a lot of time and effort to look that goofy, and that’s why she already has costumes for two of her parties planned out. As you can see one is some hand-painted anatomy thing and the other is a monkey. Is there any way to say the ears and bald head make her look like Forest Whitaker without sounding off-the-charts racist?

(source = wire image)

Heidi Klum was in and out of a bikini

By brendon August 15, 2011 @ 1:46 PM

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It was a real bounty of middle aged boobs this weekend, as Heidi Klum was topless on the beach in Porto Cervo, Italy (this would be a good day to follow me on twitter, btw). Which makes it sound way way hotter than it was because her kids were there, her parents were there, and she doesn’t look very good. The only way these pictures could be any more disappointing is if she took out her dick.

(image source = flynet)

Heidi Klum is in a bikini

By brendon August 02, 2011 @ 3:18 PM

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Heidi Klum spent this morning with her husband Seal and their 4 kids on a yacht off the coast of Ibiza, Spain, because yes, the whole god damn world has a yacht except for me and you apparently.

(image source = bauer griffin)

Heidi Klum must be a popular mom

By brendon July 15, 2011 @ 3:01 PM

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Heidi Klum took a walk in Manhattan this morning with her son Henry, 5, and her daughter Leni, 7, who were on their way to summer camp. Todays first activity: ducking under the other dads erections.

(image source = pacific coast and inf and flynet)