Alec Baldwin’s Wife Still Trying to Get Noticed

By Lex March 24, 2014 @ 2:14 PM

Hilaria Thomas Does Yoga Poses In Father Demo Square In New York
When you’re a 20-something pretend Spanish yoga teacher and you marry old Alec Baldwin, you probably think you’re finally going to get the recognition first promised by your touchy middle school dance teacher. But Alec isn’t exactly about promoting those around him. On the few public occasions is allowed out with her husband, he often refers to her as that pretzel bending side of cunt sauce that he let have his baby.  That’s not so nice. Hilaria has taken it upon herself to get noticed in the only way she knows how, doing wacky yoga poses in public. I find it unnerving to see women standing on their heads in dirty New York City parks. Just look at those rapey pigeons pretending to be looking for menthol filters. At some point those nasty bird rats are going to violate Hilaria right in her sacral chakra then Alec’s going to call them a bunch of cocksucking flying faggots and lose his position on the Central Park Zoo board. Maybe she should just start finding her inner peace back at the flat. The world can’t afford to lose any more yoga instructors with big tits.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Alec Baldwin Ass Rapes Paparazzo So He’ll Never Forget

By Michael August 27, 2013 @ 3:07 PM

Alec Baldwin and his fucked up Irish temper struck again when he allegedly attacked a photographer on the streets of New York. And, by ‘allegedly’ I mean he pinned the paparazzo against a car. Supposedly, the pap was taking pictures of Jack Donaghy and his yoga instructor wife Hilaria, when Baldwin flipped the fuck out…again. There were a lot of witnesses, because the streets of New York are full of witnesses. There are nearly 10 million people here for Stephen Baldwin’s sake. His buddies claim the photog started it while everyone else says Baldwin attacked. Witnesses say Hilaria ducked into a tea store. A friend said, “What kind of sick twisted psychopath chases a woman who just got out of the hospital from having a baby into a tea store?” A good point, but I totally think Baldwin started it. Why? Because he’s an angry street dick and I should know.

That’s right. I was driving in Greenwich village a few months ago minding my own business down 12th street when an old man literally jumped in front of my car. Even though I had the right-of-way, he got red in the face and started pounding on my car, hard. It was then that I recognized Angry Baldwin. He told me to go fuck myself and Hilaria had to pull him away. Not exactly like having your car surrounded by Taliban forces in Kabul, but still pretty freaky even for New York. Does this auto-assault prove that Baldwin attacked the photog? No. But it does show  that he’s a man who would attack a crappy used car. Sure, half the world wants to key a brand new shiny Beemer, but only rage disturbed. homeless people bang on crappy used cars.

Not that it’s related, but here’s Alec bringing his cute little new daughter home from the hospital. I hope she came with a a front fender that can be banged out if dented.

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Hilaria Thomas Has Five Days to Give Birth or Watch Her Boobs Explode

By Lex August 19, 2013 @ 3:23 PM

Alec Baldwin And Pregnant Wife Hilaria Thomas Sit In The Park In New York
I was staring so hard at the pregnant swollen boobs of Hilaria Thomas that I barely noticed old Russell Crowe kissing her on the head in the park as he fingered her toy poodle’s ass. Odd, but it’s Manhattan. More typically, you’d find Alec Baldwin on the park bench, seated next to his soon to be baby mama, waxing passionate about how a Republican president would be horrible for the coons and wetbacks of this nation. Some people question Alec Baldwin becoming a dad again at age 55, given that by the time his new child is in college, he will be even older and more fucking annoying than ever. But, you can’t stop love. Or a young yoga instructor’s desire to get in on a little 30 Rock residual money.

Photo Credit: PCN

Alec Baldwin Apologized To His Gay Friends

By Travis July 01, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

After last week’s latest Twitter meltdown by Alec Baldwin, in which he called Daily Mail reporter George Stark a “toxic little queen” and threatened to shove his foot up his ass, it was only a matter of time before people started comparing the actor to Paula Deen. Baldwin went after Stark for writing that his wife, Hilaria Baldwin, had been texting at James Gandolfini’s funeral, which they naturally denied, but Baldwin’s critics wanted to know how his behavior was any different than Deen calling a bank robber the N-word and hosting a plantation-themed wedding, complete with black servers dressed as slaves.

Regardless, Baldwin apologized, citing his own efforts to end homophobia, and GLAAD has accepted his apology. Still, I think the only solution here is that Baldwin never touches Twitter again and his wife should have to pose nude. You know, once she’s all back to normal. (Or not, there’s a market for that, too.)

(Photo Credit: Getty)

Alec Baldwin Is Pretty Pissed At The Daily Mail

By Travis June 28, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

Alec Baldwin already quit Twitter once before because he was pissed off about something, so it shouldn’t be a surprise that he quit Twitter again in another hilariously pissy rage. Except this time, it was his “Alec Baldwin Foundation” profile that was deleted, because nothing says, “Hey, we’re good people doing good things” like threatening to shove your foot up a Daily Mail reporter’s ass and calling him a “toxic little queen”.

The latest freakout occurred after the Daily Mail accused Alec’s pregnant 32-year old wife, Hilaria Baldwin, of Tweeting during James Gandolfini’s funeral yesterday. Alec denied it, obviously, and he’s probably telling the truth because celebrities pay people to run their Twitter accounts now – except for Alec, of course – but that’s no fun when it’s easier to simply blindly pass judgment on people.

(Photo Credit: Getty Images)

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Alec Baldwin in a Heated Argument With Pregnant Wife

By Steve G. May 13, 2013 @ 12:23 PM

Alec Baldwin And Hilaria Thomas Arguing In New York

Well, that’s if you believe Radar Online. Here’s what I do notice looks sinister. Alec is raising his cell phone to a pregnant woman. He’s likely trying to irradiate his future baby with the electromagnetic pulse weapon that once gave cancer to a bunny in a Blue State college laboratory. Also, he has incredibly hirsute arms. Men with hairy limbs are often very bad people, most especially in movies involving Middle Eastern terrorist plots. Finally, that matching half of a poodle set Alec is leading along by a pink cute bone leash looks to have doggy AIDS. In an agitated state, it could snap and infect his yoga teacher wife. Heated argument? Hard to say. But is Alec clearly trying to give his pregnant wife cancer, AIDS, and a Jihadist suicide bombing mission? It would seem so.

Photo Credit: Splash