Hilary Duff Forced to Work Two Jobs in Obama’s America

By Lex November 16, 2015 @ 7:00 AM


Hilary Duff explained to a panel of people that make an effort to hear Hilary Duff speak that she’s exhausted from being a ‘slashie’. There are a million potential definitions for that completely made up word, Duff’s was the least interesting. She’s an actress / musician. It’s exhausting hopping between the two worlds even if they’re basically the same thing and she’s shown no remarkable skill at either. Not to mention both are entirely optional and come with limos. Quick, name your favorite Hilary Duff film? That’s a trick question. She’s never been naked on camera. Where should the nanny send the adorable photos from today? Nice boots, Slashie.

Photo credit: Getty Images

Hilary Duff Tits Seem Single Again

By Lex April 01, 2015 @ 11:35 AM

Hilary Duff Major Cleavage At Younger Premiere In NYC
There are five stages of grief. Just three stages of being free of your former husband. Sadness. Hair dip. Tits. Hilary Duff kind of went through that fast. Your girlfriends are for cheering you up with white wine and the support only women who were crazy fucking jealous of you and your husband can provide. Your tits are for finding a new daddy for your baby. There’s plenty of time for bras after you’re hitched again. 27 and only been married once. Hollywood does not approve.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Hilary Duff Doing Well With Divorce

By Lex March 19, 2015 @ 11:13 AM

Hilary Duff Dyed Her Hair Blue And His Calling Herself A Mermaid
This is 2015. Women don’t need a man. But maybe you ought to think about keeping yours. Hilary Duff dumped her retired NHL husband because he wasn’t perfect, then took him back, then filed for divorce because he went out and partied all night with his buddies. Then she dyed her hair blue and started doing baby mermaid talk on Instagram. Map that progress, it’s not an up arrow.

There’s nothing wrong with divorce, though maybe you want to think about how many you’re up for before the age of thirty. The real problem is marriage. There’s certain people who should never get married. Like people with better options of any kind. Throughout human history, marriage was a business arrangement. Then, for a brief time period, it was about the indescribable feeling of love. Statistically, that fared pretty rotten. Now it’s merely a game of who will back down first. Here’s an idea, the next time somebody says let’s get married, you say, nah. The sex will get less frequent but you’ll be thankful you never had to dye your hair blue and pretend you weren’t miserable.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet/Instagram

Hilary Duff Seems Smart

By Lex December 24, 2014 @ 8:08 AM

Hilary Duff Gets A Woody Allen Makeover
Something about Hilary Duff just looks smart. It might be the Henry Miller book title on her non-ironic printed tee. Intelligent people love Henry Miller. Maybe it’s the baby carrots. Forming root vegetables to look like little boy penises is just plain business smart. Wait, fuck, it’s the thick framed black glasses. Only lesbians and scientists are allowed to wear those glasses. I don’t see Hilary munching any box, so she must be a scientist. This could be like Flowers for Algernon. Hilary might have to ditch the glasses in a week and  go back to dating Aaron Carter. That would explain the baby carrots.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Hilary Duff In Short Shorts Out In Los Angeles

By Lex May 15, 2014 @ 12:37 PM

Hilary Duff In Short Shorts Out In Los Angeles

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News, FameFlynet

Hilary Duff Gets Her Boob Grabbed And Shows Temp Moon Tattoo On Instagram

By Lex May 08, 2014 @ 12:01 PM

Hilary Duff Gets Her Boob Grabbed And Shows Temp Moon Tattoo On Instagram

Photo Credit: Hilary Duff/Instagram