I don't know what lunatic decided Hilary Duff should go on "So You Think You Can Dance" last night and lip-sync her "hit" song that I've never heard of, but they should be fired immediately because Hilary Duff clearly can't dance. She just kinda stands there and points her arms in different directions. It's basically like watching a clock, only with way worse music.
Hilary Duff hung out in Malibu yesterday for the Fourth of July, and basically just looked adorable the entire time. She's so ridiculously cute I'm not sure I could even have sex with her. It would be like having sex with a baby panda. If she ever climbed into bed with me I would assume it was because she had a scary dream and then I'd get up and get her a glass of milk.
Hilary Duff and her sister Haylie showed up at Hyde in LA with their entourage (wait, what?) and proceeded to stumble around drunk for the next few hours. Us says:
Hilary soon was teetering over to the women’s restroom with one of her girlfriends and a "flamboyant" male friend. “It was kind of inappropriate,” the onlooker sneers. “She was pretty drunk and staggering around the bathroom, bumping into people and shrieking that her gay male friend had a vagina so it was okay for him to be there.”
Hilary, of course, is 19, so what the hell she was doing drunk at Hyde is beyond me. Us goes on to say that Hilary and Haylie then spent the night making out with some older guys. Which makes it even harder to figure out Hilary Duff. She has a good-girl reputation but she also seems to get drunk a lot and was once photographed at a porn movie release party. Also confusing is why she’s so famous. I’ve never even seen her in a movie. Unless you count those 150 hardcore sex tapes we made.
After dating for almost two and a half years, Hilary Duff has reportedly broken up with Joel Madden. People.com says:
… during a DJ appearance at Chicago hot spot Enclave on Wednesday night, Madden told clubgoers he and Duff had split up, citing their age difference as a reason. (Madden is 27; Duff is 19.) A rep for Duff had no comment on the report, but a witness at Enclave tells PEOPLE that Madden "seemed pretty upset."
Wouldn't it be funny if Joel tried to kill himself over Hilary, and as he was hanging himself, his pants fell down. It would probably be one of those moments when you just have to shake your head and laugh. "Good grief," Joel would say, "some days, nothing goes right!"
Hollywood held its first few Halloween parties over the weekend, and all the usual attention whores found their way in front of the cameras. Lindsay Lohan was inspired by … umm, camel toe jokes, Haylie Duff went dressed as someone who just told a lie, and she and her sister found time to take pictures with … some dude. Probably a real UPS man, but they don't know what that is, so they dragged him onto the red carpet. Paris Hilton - gee here's a fuckin surprise - went dressed as a whore. Someone asked her what Halloween party she was going to and she said, "what's Halloween?" (zing!)
Hilary Duff fears for her life because she and boyfriend Joel Madden are being stalked by two men, according to court papers filed yesterday. One is a homeless 19-year-old Russian immigrant known only as "Max" who came to the United States for the expressed purpose of "meeting and becoming romantically involved with Ms. Duff." TMZ says,
The court documents state the man "admitted to being 'obsessed' with her, has stated his intention of 'removing' his 'enemies' (i.e., those who prevent him from being with her), has stated his intention of purchasing a weapon, and has threatened to kill himself and to engage in dramatic actions to get her attention." According to the documents, Max "has stated his belief that Hilary is in love with him and that Joel Madden stands in their way."
The other man is a 50-year-old paparazzi photographer named David Joseph Klein. Klein and "Max" live together.
The documents state, "Over the past six weeks, the defendants have engaged in an accelerated effort to make contact with Hilary, including visits to her neighborhood, to her mother's home, to her boyfriend's neighborhood … to Mr. Madden's concert venue, and direct calls to Hilary's manager."
It's funny that Klein and Max are running around, trying to kill everyone, looking for happiness, but I bet it turns out that the true happiness is in their friendship and the memories they're creating. I think we can learn a lot from Klein and Max. Slow down. Smell the roses. Put down the gun and that strap-on that has a big knife blade instead of a fake penis, and you just might find that what you've been searching for has been right in front of you all along.
