Holly Madison Wanted to Die in the Playboy Mansion

By Lex March 23, 2015 @ 12:59 PM

Holly Madison Instagram
Before there were the Kardashians, there were Holly, Bridget, and Kendra on E! getting their tits blurred out on Girls Next Door. Those girls giggled and laughed and pranked and pretended to be lesbians and everything seemed so perfect. Well, think again, Charlie Sunshine! They were fucking miserable. It turns out living in the Playboy mansion as a blonde fuck toy and pegging Hef to the sound of the ceremonial gongs isn’t as fulfilling as one might think. There’s booze and drugs and Bill Cosby old man saliva to help cover the gaps, but according to Holly Madison, that fantasy world….

quickly devolved into an oppressive routine of strict rules, manipulation, and battles with ambitious, backstabbing bunnies.

So, like everybody else’s workplace basically. In Madison’s about to be released autobiography, Fuckety Fuck Fuck Fuck Tits and a Tomato, or something like that, she makes tons of shocking revelations, outrageously shocking revelations, and revelations so shocking, they’re shocking.

Life inside the notorious Mansion wasn’t a dream at all—and quickly became her nightmare. After losing her identity, her sense of self-worth, and her hope for the future, Holly found herself sitting alone in a bathtub contemplating suicide.”

Which is why I never take baths. Gym showers. Never found a dead guy in one of those. I wonder if she slowly slipped beneath the water contemplating her loss of identity. I’ll leave you hanging as to what she did next, but suffice it to say, she’s now married to the dude who makes a mint off the ecstasy fueled Electric Daisy Chain white suburban kids can dance when high music festivals. That fucker makes super bank even after netting out lawsuits for the chicks who don’t survive the parties. I blame the blurred out tits for most of this. It crushed my soul as well.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Holly Madison Thinks Gisele is So Brave

By Travis December 12, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

You probably forgot that Holly Madison had a baby earlier this year, because it wasn’t even in the Top 100 celebrity child births in 2013, but she did and now she knows just what Gisele Bündchen is going through when it comes to finding the time and right place to breast feed. Holly came to Gisele’s defense after the supermodel received mild criticism over a picture of her breastfeeding, as she told the Daily Mail, “She is braver than I am. When I first had the baby I said ‘I’m going to breast feed the baby and set a good example,’” which is called being a mother, if I’m not mistaken.

But it’s sometimes tough for a famous mom to pop her boob out and feed a kid, something Holly also acknowledged. “When I go out, I always look for a secluded hallway to feed Rainbow, but it is not always possible.” And then she said something else, but everyone was laughing too hard from the reminder that she named her child Rainbow.

Photo Credit: WENN.com

The Runner Runner Premiere Was An A-List Affair

By Travis September 19, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

Ben Affleck’s and Justin Timberlake’s new “one for them” movie, Runner Runner, had its premiere at the Planet Hollywood Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas last night, and for at least a few minutes the red carpet was an A-list event. Obviously, Affleck and Timberlake showed up per their obligations, as did Gemma Arterton and Jessica Timberlake, but then the drop-off was pretty steep. Once Meatloaf arrived, it was basically like someone left the gate open and the rest of the Las Vegas “stars” saw some lights and just sort of wandered in.

(Photo Credits: DJDM/WENN.com)

New Mom Holly Madison Spent The Weekend At The Electronic Daisy Carnival

By Travis July 23, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

It has already been four months since former Playboy Playmate and girl who actually dated Criss Angel, Holly Madison, gave birth to her first daughter, Rainbow, so she must have been itching to get out of the house and have a little fun. Of course, this isn’t like the Las Vegas pool parties that she’s already been going to or the photo shoots to show off her weight loss, as this time she was partying with her new husband, Pasquale Rotella, at the Electronic Daisy Carnival in London.

Between being married and having a kid, Holly seems pretty boring and plain now. She’s a far cry from the hot blonde with big, fake breasts who was willing to nail an old man for fame and notoriety. Hopefully, there will be more women like her willing to fill the void. What’s that? There are millions of them? Carry on, everyone.

(Photo Credits: Getty)

Holly Madison Could End Up A Single Mom

By Travis May 14, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

After Holly Madison gave birth to her daughter, Rainbow, she reportedly used a placenta-based diet routine and exercise to get back in shape, and she showed off her success last weekend at a pool party at Tao Beach at the Venetian. But as soon as that was over, Holly was back to planning her upcoming wedding, which is slated for August 15, as long as her fiancé doesn’t wind up in prison before then.

Pasquale Rotella is currently facing up to 13 years and 8 months in prison for charges of bribery, embezzlement, conspiracy and conflict of interest in relation to his company’s dealing with Los Angeles city officials. According to Radar, Pasquale is accused of paying off those officials with at least $2.5 million of the money that his company, Insomniac Events, earned from hosting massive raves at the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum.

Pasquale and his attorney are confident that this is simply “politically motivated and publicity driven”, and that he’ll be able to wed Holly as planned and pursue their dream to have a “Kardashian-sized” family together. I don’t know if that refers to the number of kids or Rob Kardashian’s weight. Pretty fucked up if it’s the latter.

(Photo Credits: Getty)

Holly Madison Gets It

By Travis March 04, 2013 @ 2:14 PM

The saddest thing that can happen to an attractive woman is that she gets pregnant and then never loses that weight. Jessica Simpson is living proof of that and, with a little luck, it’ll happen to Kim Kardashian, too. But with Marisa Miller recently giving birth and Holly Madison ready to pop any day now, we need to be worried more than ever that these models could end up becoming disgusting.

Fortunately, Holly is taking preventive steps against that.

“This might sound gross, but I’m totally planning on having my placenta turned into pills I can take after giving birth,” she wrote on her blog.

Madison explained she hopes the pills will help her recover after childbirth.

“I heard it helps women recover faster and I want to recover as quickly as I can!” (Fox News)

Sure, that sounds disgusting, but if she wants to poop into a cup and drink it like a smoothie, she’s free to do so if it means she’ll be dancing on a pole in Las Vegas sooner than later. America needs hot blondes with big fake breasts now more than ever. And if Holly wants to recover even faster, she should also get even bigger implants. Dare to be better and all that crap.