By Matt June 29, 2015 @ 6:06 AM
Hugh Hefner’s ex fake girlfriend and reality show whore Holly Madison wrote a superbly uninteresting tell all book about life in the Playboy Mansion and is now spilling the mundane beans to any shitty tabloid who will listen. Some of her major revelations are that Hefner once offered her drugs and that he is sometimes irritable. She didn’t mention being paid $1,000 a week plus free room and board on top of promotional appearance fees to pretend she was listening to him tell the same story about hanging with Dean Martin for the thirtieth time.
Americans understand Hugh Hefner is a pathetic dork so insecure in his sexuality he has to hire runaways to pretend they fuck him. We wrote him off a long time ago and have an app to screen potential dates for any trace of desperation that would lead them to live in his musty curtained herpes lair. Given Hefner is responsible for the minuscule amount of notoriety Madison has, many feel it uncouth to write a book attempting to slam him. Included is Hef’s son, Cooper Hefner, who as a young child drilled many holes in the drywall of his father’s house and watched him slap the headboard with a rolling pin while demanding the girls moan loudly:
“How does a person who is famous for being a gold digger paint themselves as a victim of a relationship they aggressively sought out for? Holly Madison, V. Stiviano, and a few other lovely ladies that lived in LA make a Justice League type group of wonderfully shitty people.”
They form like Voltron and your dad is the head. He probably wouldn’t be surrounded by so many shitty people if he wasn’t the grand marshal of their parade. Cooper makes some good points. Now back to the board room to stave off Playboy’s bankruptcy for another six months. We have Evil Angel now. Classy broads. I’ll give Madison a year.
Photo Credit: Twitter
By Lex March 23, 2015 @ 12:59 PM
Before there were the Kardashians, there were Holly, Bridget, and Kendra on E! getting their tits blurred out on Girls Next Door. Those girls giggled and laughed and pranked and pretended to be lesbians and everything seemed so perfect. Well, think again, Charlie Sunshine! They were fucking miserable. It turns out living in the Playboy mansion as a blonde fuck toy and pegging Hef to the sound of the ceremonial gongs isn’t as fulfilling as one might think. There’s booze and drugs and Bill Cosby old man saliva to help cover the gaps, but according to Holly Madison, that fantasy world….
quickly devolved into an oppressive routine of strict rules, manipulation, and battles with ambitious, backstabbing bunnies.
So, like everybody else’s workplace basically. In Madison’s about to be released autobiography, Fuckety Fuck Fuck Fuck Tits and a Tomato, or something like that, she makes tons of shocking revelations, outrageously shocking revelations, and revelations so shocking, they’re shocking.
Life inside the notorious Mansion wasn’t a dream at all—and quickly became her nightmare. After losing her identity, her sense of self-worth, and her hope for the future, Holly found herself sitting alone in a bathtub contemplating suicide.”
Which is why I never take baths. Gym showers. Never found a dead guy in one of those. I wonder if she slowly slipped beneath the water contemplating her loss of identity. I’ll leave you hanging as to what she did next, but suffice it to say, she’s now married to the dude who makes a mint off the ecstasy fueled Electric Daisy Chain white suburban kids can dance when high music festivals. That fucker makes super bank even after netting out lawsuits for the chicks who don’t survive the parties. I blame the blurred out tits for most of this. It crushed my soul as well.
Photo Credit: Instagram
By Travis December 12, 2013 @ 10:00 AM
You probably forgot that Holly Madison had a baby earlier this year, because it wasn’t even in the Top 100 celebrity child births in 2013, but she did and now she knows just what Gisele Bündchen is going through when it comes to finding the time and right place to breast feed. Holly came to Gisele’s defense after the supermodel received mild criticism over a picture of her breastfeeding, as she told the Daily Mail, “She is braver than I am. When I first had the baby I said ‘I’m going to breast feed the baby and set a good example,’” which is called being a mother, if I’m not mistaken.
But it’s sometimes tough for a famous mom to pop her boob out and feed a kid, something Holly also acknowledged. “When I go out, I always look for a secluded hallway to feed Rainbow, but it is not always possible.” And then she said something else, but everyone was laughing too hard from the reminder that she named her child Rainbow.
Photo Credit: WENN.com
By Travis September 19, 2013 @ 9:00 AM
Ben Affleck’s and Justin Timberlake’s new “one for them” movie, Runner Runner, had its premiere at the Planet Hollywood Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas last night, and for at least a few minutes the red carpet was an A-list event. Obviously, Affleck and Timberlake showed up per their obligations, as did Gemma Arterton and Jessica Timberlake, but then the drop-off was pretty steep. Once Meatloaf arrived, it was basically like someone left the gate open and the rest of the Las Vegas “stars” saw some lights and just sort of wandered in.
(Photo Credits: DJDM/WENN.com)
By Travis July 23, 2013 @ 11:00 AM
It has already been four months since former Playboy Playmate and girl who actually dated Criss Angel, Holly Madison, gave birth to her first daughter, Rainbow, so she must have been itching to get out of the house and have a little fun. Of course, this isn’t like the Las Vegas pool parties that she’s already been going to or the photo shoots to show off her weight loss, as this time she was partying with her new husband, Pasquale Rotella, at the Electronic Daisy Carnival in London.
Between being married and having a kid, Holly seems pretty boring and plain now. She’s a far cry from the hot blonde with big, fake breasts who was willing to nail an old man for fame and notoriety. Hopefully, there will be more women like her willing to fill the void. What’s that? There are millions of them? Carry on, everyone.
(Photo Credits: Getty)
By Travis May 14, 2013 @ 11:00 AM
After Holly Madison gave birth to her daughter, Rainbow, she reportedly used a placenta-based diet routine and exercise to get back in shape, and she showed off her success last weekend at a pool party at Tao Beach at the Venetian. But as soon as that was over, Holly was back to planning her upcoming wedding, which is slated for August 15, as long as her fiancé doesn’t wind up in prison before then.
Pasquale Rotella is currently facing up to 13 years and 8 months in prison for charges of bribery, embezzlement, conspiracy and conflict of interest in relation to his company’s dealing with Los Angeles city officials. According to Radar, Pasquale is accused of paying off those officials with at least $2.5 million of the money that his company, Insomniac Events, earned from hosting massive raves at the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum.
Pasquale and his attorney are confident that this is simply “politically motivated and publicity driven”, and that he’ll be able to wed Holly as planned and pursue their dream to have a “Kardashian-sized” family together. I don’t know if that refers to the number of kids or Rob Kardashian’s weight. Pretty fucked up if it’s the latter.
(Photo Credits: Getty)