By Jack December 15, 2014 @ 12:00 PM
Vivid just offered Mama June, of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo fame, 1 million dollars to make a fuck the folds porno. It’s one of Vivid’s regular publicity stunts to make such an offer to women in the news. Either way, Mama June turned them down because she said it would make her family look bad and distract people from the fact that she’s now boffing the ex-con who raped her daughter.
Just imagine the horror of her meat curtains…the horror. (TMZ)
Kourtney Kardashian just shit out another womb ferret and the world gave narry a fuck. (Huffington Post)
Meanwhile, Ellie Goulding’s sideboob was showing. (Drunken Stepfather)
Carly Lauren wears a low cut dress, shows off tits. (Hollywood Tuna)
Behold a bikini clad Stella Maxwell! (Popoholic)
Justin Bieber wrestling shirtless with dudes because he’s gay, gay, gay. (The Superficial)
Lindsay Lohan says she’ll never move back to LA and everyone in LA was happy. (Dlisted)
By Matt November 12, 2014 @ 6:39 AM
Mama June’s daughter Anne Marie “Chickadee” Cardwell, who was molested by her mother’s boyfriend when she was eight years old, thinks her younger sister Pumpkin was fathered by the same pedo boyfriend. If this seems confusing you’ve thought about it more than them. The situation is leading to some internal strife in the family, as Cardwell told a sad faced and appropriately judgmental Dr. Drew:
“Out of all the kids we have, Mama does not know who Pumpkin’s daddy is. And Pumpkin thinks it’s Mark, which kind of hurts my feelings, because Mama is making her believe that someone who did that to me is her father. Now Pumpkin hates me for it.”
Even redneck logic only goes half way to explaining that statement. Cardwell says she still talks to her mom, who may or may not be suddenly dying of cancer. Mama June is unwilling to discuss the child rape issues because it would mean facing the harsh reality that she’s a a morbidly obese vermin filled with a festering guilt she is mistaking as cancer. Simply discussing her life would be akin to dropping six tabs of acid and rummaging around a mausoleum. June wants to avoid descending into Lucifer’s dungeon as long as possible. In the meantime there’s a special on donuts and orange soda at Kroger’s.
Photo Credit: HLN
By Lex November 03, 2014 @ 9:47 AM
Mama June swears that her new old child molester boyfriend has reformed his ways, you know, like up to none percent of pedophiles do. Just in case, June’s husband Super Sugar Bear or whatever the fuck his name is put that dye in Honey Boo Boo’s hair that suburban moms use to identify and humiliate kids who pee in their pool. Only he modified it so that it turns red if Mama June’s boyfriend ever touches….fuck. Bring out the anatomically detailed forensic dolls and wake the sheriff. Another fat person is going to jail.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
By Jack June 12, 2013 @ 12:36 PM
Jowl monster and childhood obesity promoter Mama June from Here Comes Honey Boo Boo splashed around on the beach like Pam Anderson in Baywatch. Let that sink in. The redneck matriarch of the family that is the death knell of Western Civilization was enjoying a day on Tybee Island in Georgia when she decided to do some posing. She started “running” down the beach carrying a red floatation device and making “sexy” faces just like Pam in the opening of the legendary T&A extravaganza. By running I mean slowly dragging her polysaturated shanks across the sand. At least she wasn’t wearing a bikini. That would’ve cause the Earth to stop rotating and shrieking demons to descend from the skies to slay the living.
By Travis May 06, 2013 @ 10:00 AM
Like most good American relationships, June Shannon and Mike Thompson met online almost a decade ago, and shortly after they met up in person for some carefree, unprotected sex. Luckily for them, the result was Alana Thompson, AKA Honey Boo Boo Child, and just a few years later, they’d all be making millions of dollars for being one of the most beloved and loathed redneck families to grace our televisions.
Famously known as Mama June and Sugar Bear, Shannon and Thompson finally tied the knot yesterday at a small reception for friends and family in Georgia, and of course the cameras were rolling for the upcoming season of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. Everyone in attendance was asked to wear either camouflage or hot pink, and despite their best efforts, no one showed up with shotgun and rifles.
June told People Magazine that the couple chose to keep the ceremony low-key because it was about “the focus on the family and my commitment to Sugar Bear”. And if they spent a lot of the wedding, they wouldn’t have enough money left to buy their matching El Caminos and lifetime supply of Mountain Dew.
(Photo Credit: Getty)
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By Travis March 19, 2013 @ 11:00 AM
Between Duck Dynasty, Hoarders and Teen Mom, there are plenty of shows on TV that embrace the charm and schadenfreude of America’s greatest white trash families, but none of them has held a candle to the Shannon/Thompson family of TLC’s Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. The titular child star rose to fame thanks to the exploitative and horrifying Toddlers & Tiaras, but her family’s “Fuck it” attitude and general redneckishness has made the entire caloric clan prominent, including June Shannon, AKA “Mama”.
While Madonna was busy earning her merit vadge in pretending to care at the GLAAD Awards this past weekend, June was also in attendance, apparently showing off her new body. Maybe it was standing behind her old body.
Wearing a fashionable long black wrap dress, the 33-year-old mom of four posed and pouted winsomely on the red carpet like a pro. Her hair, held back by a sparkly headband, was styled into soft curls and her lips were painted a bright pink.
The star, who has lost 102 pounds since filming for the show began two years ago, was in town because her show was one of the reality programs nominated for a positive portrayal of the LGBT community. (US Weekly)
Honey Boo Boo’s uncle is gay, which isn’t very surprising if you imagine that he walked in on his brother having sex with June. But good for her for losing that much weight and being unafraid to flaunt it at her age.
Wait, she’s only 33? Here’s to your next 102 pounds, June.
(Photo Credits: Getty)
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