Hope Solo Digs Team USA Schwag

By Matt January 23, 2015 @ 7:33 AM

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Hope Solo and her husband were driving one of the Women’s National Team vans at the time of his DUI arrest. Team USA is suspending her for 30 days for stealing their ride. It was that or a grounding and missing the prom. Bonnie and Clyde must’ve been pretty blasted. You’ve got to be on the verge of committing vehicular homicide to get pulled over in a van rocking Sochi bumper stickers and flying old glory. What are the odds the country’s elite dedicated athletes are driving around shit faced at two in the morning? Fuck it, let’s get that guy in the Mustang. No he’s not speeding I went to high school with him. Yeah he was pretty popular. Shit Team USA is going to be hurting for a medal come the World Cup. It looks like their hand eye coordination has gone to shit. How are we going to beat the Brazil if we can’t keep the fucking van off the sidewalk? Is that the goalie? I heard that bitch is crazy. Hit the lights. No wonder Solo went bananas. Turns out we were about to find out we were about to confirm for the seventh time that she’s a fucking pig.

Photo Credit: Twitter 

 

Hope Solo, Jerramy Stevens Model Americans

By Matt January 21, 2015 @ 6:33 AM

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Former NFL player Jerramy Stevens was arrested for drunk driving as he was so wasted he failed to spell his name correctly in a sobriety test. Granted, look at how fucked up his parents spelled Jeremy and you might let the guy go. His wife Hope Solo was in the car and went berserk while working the “Do you know who we are?” line. Yeah you’re the chick who beats up family members? And you’re that rapist guy. You get in the cruiser and you shut the fuck up. To answer your inevitable question, yes, you may use the dashboard cam footage for pitching your reality show. Just stop yelling. I’ve seen pictures of your hairy genitals and your scratchy voice is reminding me of them.

Photo Credit: Getty Images 

Hope Solo Punched Her Sister and Nephew Because Soccer Is Boring

By Lex June 24, 2014 @ 3:03 PM

Hope Solo Nude And Covered For ESPN's Body Issue
It’d take a man with big fucking nuts to call soccer boring in the middle of the month every four years when it’s slightly less boring. I am that big nutted man. Sure, there’s the corruption, the lousy refereeing, the neo-Nazi protestors, the half-standing stadiums built in the jungle, and the dude on the Uruguay team who keeps biting opponents, but I just watched a 0-0 game and I’m feeling like sticking to boring. This sport needs more Hope Solo. You need a tall chick to keep goal, she does that. Need somebody to water their lawn naked or get wasted and start throwing punches at her sister and teen nephew, that’s Hope Solo too. Her steroid crazed husband has yet to beat the feisty out of her. Consider it a race for one of them to end up lifeless with a pipe to the cranium. Bet on Hope. She doesn’t lose many races.

Photo Credit: ESPN

Hope Solo was slapped during ‘Dancing with the Stars’

By brendon August 17, 2012 @ 2:05 PM

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Hope Solo just won a gold medal in London as goalie for the US powder-puff I mean womens soccer team, but that’s not gonna get attention for her new book.

Saying that Maksim Chmerkovskiy, her partner when she was on ‘Dancing with the Stars’ two seasons ago, slapped her around during rehearsals, will however.

“He manhandled me in rehearsals from the start, pushing me, whacking my stomach, bending my arms roughly. I thought that was just how it went, how dancers worked with each other,” Solo wrote.
“But it kept getting worse. One day, Maks was trying to put me in a certain position and hit my stomach so hard with his open palm that I had a red handprint there for the rest of the day.”
Solo claims ABC gave her the opportunity to continue with a different partner, but she “didn’t want to end Maks’ career,” she explained. She also felt that by doing so, the tabloids would make her look like a “prima donna.”

Stuff like this is why I got out of ballroom dancing. It’s gotten so violent, it’s not about the dancing anymore. On a side note, the World Cup has to know how phallic their trophy looks when girls hold it.

(image source = getty, espn)