Hugh And Crystal Hefner Are Pretty Fucking Creepy

By Lex October 29, 2013 @ 4:31 PM

Hugh And Crystal Hefner Dress Like Miley Cyrus And Robin Thicke For The Halloween Party At The Playboy Mansion
Somebody pulled the old man from his sarcophagus and dressed him up like Robin Thicke so that his young bride would finally look like she had a purpose for being bent over in a tight dress. The two of them together looked like a wax exhibit at the Boner Kill Museum. More out of a Rob Zombie movie than Playboy. This is just giving me the fucking willies. And not like the ones I had when I saw Miley and Robin Thicke at the VMAs. That was like watching a train wreck disturbing. This is more like accidentally seeing your grandmother in the tub creepy. I may never enjoy sex again.

Photo Credit: Crystal Hefner/Instagram

The Captain Is Still at the Helm

By Lex September 06, 2013 @ 4:48 PM

Hugh And Crystal Hefner Ride Mobility Scooters Through Disneyland
I guess the good part about getting old is you start to forget shit more easily. Like, your signature magazine business is tanking or what seems like yesterday you were wearing a robe, smoking a pipe, and looking down to see Barbi Benton gobbling your knob. So that Hoveround you’re putting around Disneyland seems like your old Jag and you’re not sure if the young girl whose tits your grabbing is your latest wife or your daughter and you couldn’t care less. Senility can be the happiest place on earth.

Photo Credit: WENN

Lindsays Playboy shoot will suck

By brendon November 08, 2011 @ 4:57 PM

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Lindsay Lohan had an idea for the theme of her Playboy photo shoot and, as you probably guessed, it was dumb. She wanted the pictures to look like a “Kate Moss fashion inspired story,” whatever the hell that means. But Hugh Hefner didn’t like the resulting pictures so he made her do a new set with more of a “classic Hollywood Marilyn Monroe feel”.

So not only has she now done two photo shoots that just copy other photo shoots, but she’s now copying the same thing she copied the first time she posed naked. And boring get’s boringer thanks to this

This weekend, Lohan was accompanied by lawyers, agents and publicists who, sources said, “gave their two cents about what was considered ‘nude’ and what was not.” Sources said Lohan ended up delivering the Monroe-inspired images Hefner wanted. She’s expected to appear nude, but “strategically covered up” in certain shots.

I suppose it’s too much to hope that they’re talking about her face.

Crystal Harris is a complete bitch

By brendon June 15, 2011 @ 4:55 PM

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It’s hardly surprising that a 25-year-old model had ulterior motives when she got engaged to an 85-year-old media baron, but what is surprising is how far Crystal Harris was planning to go when it came to using Hugh Hefner (who, as you can tell by what would have been next months cover, had no idea what was coming).

Not only did she call off her engagement the same day that she released the first single off her debut record, and the same day she had a video go up on Funny or Die, and not only was she cheating on Hef with Dr. Phils son, but she was even shopping an interview to take place after she carried out her original break-up plan, which was to leave Hef at the alter.

Crystal Harris secretly planned to ditch the Playboy mogul at the altar in return for a $500,000 media deal, Page Six has learned.
Harris was shopping for a big-bucks deal to tell all after she ditched hapless Hef in front of 300 guests at their wedding at the Playboy Mansion on Saturday, to be filmed for a Lifetime TV special.
A source told us, “Crystal wanted to ditch Hef at the altar. Her plan was to walk up the aisle and say she couldn’t go through with it. The wedding was to be filmed for a reality special, and her refusal to marry him would be a sensation. She was looking for a tie-in deal of around $500,000 for the exclusive ‘I ditched Hef at the altar’ interview. While there was interest, Crystal didn’t get an offer anywhere near half a million.”

Wow. There’s cold and then there’s cold and then there’s this whore. I would try to shoot her but the evil bitch would probably just raise her arms and transform into a column of rats and then scurry away.

Tuesday headlines, with the return of Blake Lively

By brendon June 14, 2011 @ 3:41 PM

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TRACY MORGAN – was so upset that he cried during his interview with Russell Simmons, according to Simmons. Wait, he cried? Hahaha, no way! Just like a little fa… oh, umm… ne-never mind. (popeater)

HUGH HEFNER – was supposed to get married to Playmate Crystal Harris in just 5 days (he’s 85 and she’s 25, btw), but he went on twitter today and wrote, “The wedding is off. Crystal has had a change of heart.” Now replace the word “Crystal” with the word “Hugh” and “heart” with “diaper”. There’s your explanation. (e!)

BLAKE LIVELY – wore this sexy little dress this morning on ‘Today’ and ‘Regis and Kelly’ to promote ‘The Green Lantern’, which opens Friday, and what I wouldn’t give to get a look under that. I bet she’s… oh hey wait. Ok I gotta go. l’ll catch up to you guys later. (splash news, inf)

Karina Smirnoff is naked in Playboy, trouble

By brendon April 07, 2011 @ 6:38 PM

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It was definitely surprising when Hugh Hefner went on twitter yesterday and announced that Karina Smirnoff, who has been on Dancing With The Stars for 9 seasons, would be naked in the May issue of Playboy. He’s 400 years old. How the hell does he know how to tweet?

But it’s true, both things, and it seems like Karina didn’t really think this through. Popeater says…

“If Karina posed naked, she can kiss her dancing days goodbye,” a ‘DWTS’ insider told me. “I hope for Karina’s sake that this isn’t true.”
The immediate response of ABC is that having one of their dancers pose naked during an ongoing season could “soil” the wholesome show’s image.
“ABC publicity department controls the image of this show with an iron fist. It’s a cash cow and they are not going to allow its reputation to be soiled by a dancer who wants to do Playboy,” an ABC source tells me.
Aside from getting into hot water with family-TV fans and the network, I’m told that Karina may have violated the terms of her contract by posing without getting her bosses to sign off on it.

That seems pretty hypocritical considering they tart those girls up like Spanish whores, and because former Playmate Kelly Monaco was the champion of season 1, Pam Anderson was a contestant for season 10, and Kendra Wilkinson is a contestant this year.

But that’s too bad. Hypocritical or not, rules are rules and life is pointlessly unfair. Consider the fact that the word used to describe a lisp has the “sp” sound in it. That’s fucked up. It would be like if “stutter” was spelled “sta-sta-staa-ssss-stutter”.

(source for pics of smirnoff on turks and caicos last year = pacific coast)