Iggy Azalea Was a Grade School Cock Fiend

By Matt September 25, 2014 @ 7:43 AM

Iggy

Iggy Azalea opened up about being statutory raped as a young teenager by a grown man in an attempt to shock people who just nodded like they’d already just assumed this and some light felonies were on her curriculum vitae. Azalea has been sexually ambitious from a young age, using her pussy to mask her insecurities. Remember, girls have sex only because they’re troubled, while young boys are simply precocious. Am I the last feminist on this planet?

Azalea seems unscathed by her premature sexual escapades, which should make you cringe next time you drive by a junior high school:

“When I was 13 I got a fake ID… I’d go out, get hammered off my face in nightclubs because I thought that made me an adult, meet older guys who thought I was older, and go fuck them. I’d do that all the time. Hitchhiking was something I would do all the time as a kid. When I was 14 I used to go to the red light district called Kings Cross and go to strip clubs.”

It’s unclear if Azalea thinks her Lolita tales are cool or shameful, but she’s clearly pulled them out of the closet as part of some publicity playbook. Maybe she’s lit a backfire to lessen the media frenzy when her butt sex tape is released by one of her former johns slash career mentors. Could you really enjoy watching a sex tape knowing the eighteen year old girl is a damaged lamb letting herself be pounded by some loser just so she can try to feel some emotion inside her dead soul? I know I totally could, I’m just asking you.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

 

 

Jennifer Lopez And Iggy Azalea Unleash Booty (VIDEO)

By Lex September 19, 2014 @ 1:02 PM

IggyAzalea And J Lo Booty
The Booty music video breaks new ground by doing nothing other than showing Jennifer Lopez and Iggy Azalea twerking their oiled down asses while some auto-tuned sound maker repeats the word booty. It’s actually kind of genius. Pretending pop stars can sing has always been a major boner kill. It’s like pretending your CES hooker cares about your new streaming music player. Enjoying these pop stars more simply as ass-fat injected sex objects designed almost entirely for smoking cigarettes seductively and fucking, that’s so much simpler. Booty eliminates any obligation to shake your head to the music, pretend you know any words, or ignore the fact that Jennifer Lopez is tone deaf. It’s just a little ditty about using your big shitter to please your man. I see this is as progress. When Lopez and Azalea complete the Booty trilogy with Spank and Finger Rape, this entire opus will come fully into perspective.

Iggy Azalea Might Be Screwed, On Tape

By Lex September 18, 2014 @ 10:59 AM

Iggy Azalea Wears Very Short Skirt While Performing In UK
The amount of dicks you must suck and shitty contracts you must sign to catch a break in the music business is rather extraordinary. If you come from a famous family or happen to be a teen TV star you can get into the music thing with probably just a few gropes and inappropriate jokes. But for a girl like Amethyst Amelia Kelly, aka, Iggy Azalea, every rung of the ladder is crafted out of some conniving dude’s cock. Like Hefe Wine. He was Iggy’s manager and fuck buddy. He got her to sign a release form in 2009 that says he can produce and distribute all filmed content of her. It was designed for music videos and performances, but since he can now make a shitload more selling videos of him boinking her in the ass, he’s claiming if he sets the sex tape to music, he’s bulletproof on the legals.

I’m torn on Hefe’s claim. While he is clearly doing a screw job on Iggy, I’d like to see that screw job for myself. As with all moral conflicts, I consult my minister than err heavily on the side of what gives me the most immediate gratification.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Iggy Azalea Needs A New Porn Name

By Matt September 15, 2014 @ 6:39 AM

Iggy Azalea’s lawyers are threatening to sue Vivid if they market her sex tape with the name Iggy on it, because Iggy is a trademark of Iggy Azalea and not the ten thousand part-time employed dudes who play some guitar named Iggy. These lawyers are really getting into specifics over a tape they kind of claim doesn’t exist. Regardless of what Vivid names the movie plenty of people will be watching it. Word tends to get out pretty quickly on these things and those who can’t bring themselves to violate porn copyright laws online will pony up their money to see Igggy Azzalea get her titanic injected glutes pounded. Iggy Azalea’s team seems freaked out about what might be on the tape so it must include something pretty good. I don’t know what could be embarrassing to a chick whose stage act involves bending over and slapping her pussy in front of school aged children, but I know I want to see it on my good monitor.

Iggy Azalea Sex Tape

By Lex September 12, 2014 @ 8:52 AM

Iggy-Azalea-Made-in-America-02

Iggy Azalea has a sex tape, or so says the purveyors of fine pseudo celebrity porn at Vivid who exclusively leak both real and unreal information through TMZ in a partnership of pure evil. Like the Legion of Doom, if Solomon Grundy had Harvey Levin’s cock in his mouth. Azalea’s legal team is scrambling with every pre-emptive legal 101 in the book, including the tried and true  ’she was underage’ when her boyfriend slash business partner shot the two of them humping her pre-fat injected ass. Child porn threats are the nuclear option for young celebrities caught flashing their genitals on camera.

Nobody climbs the ladder of success in the music business without a few rungs made entirely of deviously bent poles that request servicing. The difference these days is everybody has a camera. I’ve never felt the desire to film my intimate moments with another woman. I guess if I were boning a rising star like Iggy Azalea I might be more inclined to figure out video mode on my cell phone, a feature previously reserved for proud parents and people filming ongoing disasters rather than providing assistance. I’ll show you what I can of the tape once it arises, unless she really is underage in which case we’ll assemble in my tree house and pass around the View-Master and swear not to tell a soul.

J. Lo and Iggy Azalea Are Ass Pleased (VIDEO)

By Lex September 05, 2014 @ 2:55 PM

JLo Booty Music Video Teaser
Throw up your hands if you love a big booty. 

Oh, fuck yeah. I want to pound that ass until the lipo-injected fat cap explodes into a Burger King used grease trap of rainbow fucking delicious. At this point, the pop stars with the big fake asses are just singing songs about big fake asses. Sort of like Marvin Gaye sang about the black experience and Morrissey croons about being a self-indulgent pansy who cries every time a farmer pulls a carrot from the ground anywhere on earth. An artist speaks from their experience. Jennifer Lopez was one of the early winners in the chicks with nice asses who were transformed into tuned-up mega-music stars. Iggy Azalea is the latest. Without 1,000 cc’s of human butter churning in her dumper, Iggy would be dispensing change at a Melbourne area laundry mat. I think they call them kangaroo wallaby shacks or something quaint down in Australia. The two have come together for the dulcet Booty, which has been teased in photos, single covers, and now a trailer sizzle, before at some point the entire steaming musical pile is shat out of the Payola rectum and becomes a hit.

I don’t begrudge a woman making a career off her booty. Fuck, I’d take that paycheck in a second if my gender and ass could be Frankensteined accordingly. Maybe though lay a bit lower on the songs specifically about your humped up body parts. Karma is an imprecise bitch. No innocents should have to come back as sea conchs because you lack irony.

Photo Credit: Youtube