Iggy Azalea Does Legal

By Matt January 13, 2015 @ 7:38 AM


Iggy Azalea is suing the dude she used to bone for studio time because the self-titled Hefe Wine took some of her failed ebonics and put them on a CD he is selling without her consent. He claims he owns the rights to her music because thumping a white Australian rapper is all kinds of baggage. It’s widely assumed Azalea’s legal threats are hollow since Wine likely owns a Super 8 reel of her getting cornholed by Milli Vanilli, including the dead one. The judge sided with Iggy Azalea because she an ass sculpted to look like that baboon chick all the alpha males are fucking down in cage nine. Wine is probably going to continue doing this type of seedy parasitic shit until Azalea falls off the charts and agrees to sell the sex tape to Vivid and cash out. Check back in two weeks. Albinos are horrible with their money.

Iggy Azalea Braces For The Storm

By Matt December 23, 2014 @ 6:33 AM


Iggy Azalea gave her boyfriend Nick Young a vintage Impala for Christmas. She didn’t leave it at his house but figured she may as well drop if off at the Lakers Practice Facility where there are a lot of cameras. To be fair Young needs to cut loose and do some cruising during the team’s worst season ever. Somebody pretending to be the hacker group Anonymous is threatening to hack Azalea’s life apart because she dissed Azalea Banks, a black rapper who is actually black and has a similar name and I guess didn’t like the way Iggy treated her at the All-Skate in seventh grade. The hacker group claims it might release still images from an Iggy Azalea sex tape which could only be filthy enough to justify any producer pretending she’s talented. They say they won’t release the video itself because that’s just not polite. Hacker groups sure have changed.

Azalea may as well shower this dude with enough gifts to tie the knot. Even though he’ll be out of the league in a few years following a brief stint in Toronto you’re still looking at enough cash to live comfortably until you become an activist for music industry modestly talented albinos and the struggles they endure on the path to winning unwarranted Grammys. You also might want to step out from in front of the camera and bone him for the first time. The divorce proceedings are just around the corner.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Iggy Azalea Defies Odds And Wins Argument

By Matt December 05, 2014 @ 6:08 AM


Trashy rapper and professional Twitter troll Azealia Banks went after Iggy Azalea because most people get that itch now and then. Banks began by making the point that its weird Iggy is an albino Australian chick who thinks she is a transgendered black woman. Banks thinks Azalea only acts black when it benefits her but doesn’t go the full route and get tear gassed in a looting/protest:

“its funny to see people Like Igloo Australia silent when these things happen… Black Culture is cool, but black issues sure aren’t huh?”

Banks went on to articulate her point further as her social justice meter was peaking and she quoted the late Dr. King or someone like that, explaining how she wanted to:

“Like, fill a jar with piss and mayo and eggs and just dump that shit on that bitch’s head LMFAOOOOOOO”

I love a politically astute young women. It’s so classy. Except for the part where she laughed at her own joke. Azalea responded:

“Theres more to sparking a change than trolling on social media. World issues shouldn’t be used as a poor excuse to promote fan battles. Make sure you do something to let YOUR government know how you feel when something is unjust., not JUST your followers on twitter…Make sure you sign petitions, hit the streets and protest or donate to groups helping to support and rebuild the community too.”

Even though she probably didn’t write it, Azalea is spot on. When you find yourself getting put in your place by RuPaul’s less talented brother it’s time to take a seat and hope nobody noticed  Maybe enroll in a community college class. Head down to Home Depot, get some pliers to pull that shit out of your nose, get a job and shut the fuck up.

Photo Credit: Twitter 

Iggy Azalea’s Ex Is Not So Good at Threats

By Lex October 20, 2014 @ 10:39 AM

Iggy Azalea Wears Shorts While Singing At The University of Minnesota Homecoming
Nobody goes through life without at least one shit heel of an ex. It speaks to our stupidity as a species. Dung beetles know better than to mate because ‘they’re in love’. Humans insist on hooking up with whoever makes our genitals moist and pisses off our parents. That’s why the beetles will be here long after we’re gone. Jackass D-list rap producer Hefe Wine claims he and Iggy Azalea were legally married when she was a teen and he wants half her shit. He’s threatening to tell the whole world she gave him an STD if she doesn’t pay him cash money out of court. I’m not sure Hefe understands how blackmail works, but maybe on the next one.

It’s not within my emotional skill set to feel sorry for albino aborigines who inject rendered baby lamb fat into their ass to look more stereotypically black. That seems disrespectful to somebody, to the baby lambs at least. If this Hefe Wine character got pancaked by a steam roller, the world would be a marginally better place. If hip hop went away, it would be a much better place. But we’re going to need a much bigger steam roller.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Iggy Azalea Preps the Camel Toe for War

By Lex October 17, 2014 @ 1:04 PM

Iggy Azalea Has A Cameltoe In Tiny Tight Short Orange Shorts
Iggy Azalea’s cleft looks primed for war. Her vulva ate right through her shorts looking for some kind of firearm to bring to bear upon Snoop Dogg for calling her an ugly albino no talent bitch. She’s hardly an albino. I wish some people would use the dictionary before making accusations.

Bullets ain’t got no name, Snoop. Neither do ginned up and pissed off vaginas. The next sight we see might be a pair of Chuck Taylor’s sucked last but not least up into that retractable python jaw. That’s no way for a man go to out of this world. But I hope he films it for Vine.

Photo Credit:FameFlynet

Snoop Dogg Steps Up Game

By Matt October 16, 2014 @ 9:28 AM


Snoop Dogg has responded to his Instagram beef with Iggy Azalea in his most gangster fashion since being narrowly acquitted of gang murder, yet is still falling short of his edgier Saturday Morning Cartoon licensing agreements. After Azalea responded in lame duck fashion to his initial post he has bombarded more pics, this one being better than his last fourteen albums combined.

Sometimes when you’re an Australian opportunist pretending to run hip hop black dudes are going to get pissy with you. Particularly when the rapper involved writes albums about how dumb bitches are. I’m not saying Snoop’s views on women are to be considered legitimate, he just seemed to have a point when I was a frustrated teen who couldn’t get laid, like the ratchety tools who still bump Snoop in their 5.0.

Iggy Azalea has a lot on her plate. She’s being divorced by a low level hip hop producer she claims she never married. He’s also threatening to release their sexual escapades on tape. She’s got an ass filled with enough fat to feed the Southern Sudan and she’s dating the least effective Laker on a team of ineffective Lakers. Now she’s in a beef with a guy with tons of time and stoner shits and giggles inspirations. Odds are someone shuts the fuck up soon and it’s not going to be Snoop. Odds someone gets shot, slightly higher. Again, not Snoop.

Photo Credit: Instagram