Iggy Azalea Defies Odds And Wins Argument

By Matt December 05, 2014 @ 6:08 AM

Banks

Trashy rapper and professional Twitter troll Azealia Banks went after Iggy Azalea because most people get that itch now and then. Banks began by making the point that its weird Iggy is an albino Australian chick who thinks she is a transgendered black woman. Banks thinks Azalea only acts black when it benefits her but doesn’t go the full route and get tear gassed in a looting/protest:

“its funny to see people Like Igloo Australia silent when these things happen… Black Culture is cool, but black issues sure aren’t huh?”

Banks went on to articulate her point further as her social justice meter was peaking and she quoted the late Dr. King or someone like that, explaining how she wanted to:

“Like, fill a jar with piss and mayo and eggs and just dump that shit on that bitch’s head LMFAOOOOOOO”

I love a politically astute young women. It’s so classy. Except for the part where she laughed at her own joke. Azalea responded:

“Theres more to sparking a change than trolling on social media. World issues shouldn’t be used as a poor excuse to promote fan battles. Make sure you do something to let YOUR government know how you feel when something is unjust., not JUST your followers on twitter…Make sure you sign petitions, hit the streets and protest or donate to groups helping to support and rebuild the community too.”

Even though she probably didn’t write it, Azalea is spot on. When you find yourself getting put in your place by RuPaul’s less talented brother it’s time to take a seat and hope nobody noticed  Maybe enroll in a community college class. Head down to Home Depot, get some pliers to pull that shit out of your nose, get a job and shut the fuck up.

Photo Credit: Twitter 

Iggy Azalea’s Ex Is Not So Good at Threats

By Lex October 20, 2014 @ 10:39 AM

Iggy Azalea Wears Shorts While Singing At The University of Minnesota Homecoming
Nobody goes through life without at least one shit heel of an ex. It speaks to our stupidity as a species. Dung beetles know better than to mate because ‘they’re in love’. Humans insist on hooking up with whoever makes our genitals moist and pisses off our parents. That’s why the beetles will be here long after we’re gone. Jackass D-list rap producer Hefe Wine claims he and Iggy Azalea were legally married when she was a teen and he wants half her shit. He’s threatening to tell the whole world she gave him an STD if she doesn’t pay him cash money out of court. I’m not sure Hefe understands how blackmail works, but maybe on the next one.

It’s not within my emotional skill set to feel sorry for albino aborigines who inject rendered baby lamb fat into their ass to look more stereotypically black. That seems disrespectful to somebody, to the baby lambs at least. If this Hefe Wine character got pancaked by a steam roller, the world would be a marginally better place. If hip hop went away, it would be a much better place. But we’re going to need a much bigger steam roller.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Iggy Azalea Preps the Camel Toe for War

By Lex October 17, 2014 @ 1:04 PM

Iggy Azalea Has A Cameltoe In Tiny Tight Short Orange Shorts
Iggy Azalea’s cleft looks primed for war. Her vulva ate right through her shorts looking for some kind of firearm to bring to bear upon Snoop Dogg for calling her an ugly albino no talent bitch. She’s hardly an albino. I wish some people would use the dictionary before making accusations.

Bullets ain’t got no name, Snoop. Neither do ginned up and pissed off vaginas. The next sight we see might be a pair of Chuck Taylor’s sucked last but not least up into that retractable python jaw. That’s no way for a man go to out of this world. But I hope he films it for Vine.

Photo Credit:FameFlynet

Snoop Dogg Steps Up Game

By Matt October 16, 2014 @ 9:28 AM

Snoop

Snoop Dogg has responded to his Instagram beef with Iggy Azalea in his most gangster fashion since being narrowly acquitted of gang murder, yet is still falling short of his edgier Saturday Morning Cartoon licensing agreements. After Azalea responded in lame duck fashion to his initial post he has bombarded more pics, this one being better than his last fourteen albums combined.

Sometimes when you’re an Australian opportunist pretending to run hip hop black dudes are going to get pissy with you. Particularly when the rapper involved writes albums about how dumb bitches are. I’m not saying Snoop’s views on women are to be considered legitimate, he just seemed to have a point when I was a frustrated teen who couldn’t get laid, like the ratchety tools who still bump Snoop in their 5.0.

Iggy Azalea has a lot on her plate. She’s being divorced by a low level hip hop producer she claims she never married. He’s also threatening to release their sexual escapades on tape. She’s got an ass filled with enough fat to feed the Southern Sudan and she’s dating the least effective Laker on a team of ineffective Lakers. Now she’s in a beef with a guy with tons of time and stoner shits and giggles inspirations. Odds are someone shuts the fuck up soon and it’s not going to be Snoop. Odds someone gets shot, slightly higher. Again, not Snoop.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Snoop Dogg Taunts Iggy Azalea

By Matt October 15, 2014 @ 7:23 AM

Iggy

Snoop Dogg maintains a pretty funny Instagram account assuming you’re a seventh grader and you started smoking weed pretty hard in the fifth. Sometimes not giving a fuck is inherently funny when you’re mean to annoying people for no rhyme or reason. After not super flattering photos of Iggy Azalea without any makeup went around the net, Snoop posted a picture of this cave dweller with the mocking caption. Azalea replied to Snoop on Twitter:

“Why would you post such a mean pic on insta when you send your body guards to ask me for pictures every time we are at shows… I’m disappointed you’d be such an ass for no reason.”

There’s not much you really can do when somebody calls you ugly other than ignore it. Or tweet about your disappointment in Snoop Dogg like that’s a legitimate feeling. Snoop Dogg likely harbors resentment to a white chick from Australia biting so hard on the black hip hop culture. The big white fake ass is acceptable when you’re the guy tapping it at 2am, otherwise, it’s a racial affront. I have an office pool going of what will remain longer, this photo on Instagram or Iggy Azalea’s fame. Nobody will cash in on it because nobody gives a shit.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Iggy Azalea Was a Grade School Cock Fiend

By Matt September 25, 2014 @ 7:43 AM

Iggy

Iggy Azalea opened up about being statutory raped as a young teenager by a grown man in an attempt to shock people who just nodded like they’d already just assumed this and some light felonies were on her curriculum vitae. Azalea has been sexually ambitious from a young age, using her pussy to mask her insecurities. Remember, girls have sex only because they’re troubled, while young boys are simply precocious. Am I the last feminist on this planet?

Azalea seems unscathed by her premature sexual escapades, which should make you cringe next time you drive by a junior high school:

“When I was 13 I got a fake ID… I’d go out, get hammered off my face in nightclubs because I thought that made me an adult, meet older guys who thought I was older, and go fuck them. I’d do that all the time. Hitchhiking was something I would do all the time as a kid. When I was 14 I used to go to the red light district called Kings Cross and go to strip clubs.”

It’s unclear if Azalea thinks her Lolita tales are cool or shameful, but she’s clearly pulled them out of the closet as part of some publicity playbook. Maybe she’s lit a backfire to lessen the media frenzy when her butt sex tape is released by one of her former johns slash career mentors. Could you really enjoy watching a sex tape knowing the eighteen year old girl is a damaged lamb letting herself be pounded by some loser just so she can try to feel some emotion inside her dead soul? I know I totally could, I’m just asking you.

Photo Credit: Instagram