this is why Steven Spielberg sucks

By brendon December 02, 2011 @ 6:10 PM


By almost any measure, ‘Raiders of the Lost Ark’ is one of the most successful and entertaining movies ever made. As long as you ignore the ending, which might be the worst ending ever for an otherwise great movie. Because Indiana Jones doesn’t do anything. He literally does nothing. He’s tied to a pole, and the Nazis open the Ark and it kills them and Indy had nothing to do with it. The exact same thing would have happened whether he was there or not. The entire point of the movie was to keep the Nazis from using the Ark, and the Ark did that by itself. Our hero had zero effect on the outcome of the story.

Which is weird, because the rest of the movie is so awesome. Why was the ending so bad? Why would Steven Speilberg do that? Is it because he actually sort of sucks?

Well he has an interview in the new Entertainment Weekly, and he says he had doubts about the ending even while making it.

“I was a little bit dubious about what happens when they open the ark. What actually is going to come out of the ark? There were a lot of crazy things in the script. I wasn’t sure how much we could actually get on the screen. We made a lot of it up as we were in postproduction.”

Oh ok I guess he didn’t have any doubts. Except for how to film scary angel faces. But what a thrill it was to see Indiana sheepishly open his eyes and hope the danger had gone away while he was shrieking. I fucking hate you Steven Spielberg.

Speilberg blames Lucas for Indiana Jones 4 being awful

By brendon October 27, 2011 @ 12:31 PM


Steven Spielberg has a interview in the new issue of Empire, and if you hated the idea of aliens in ‘Indiana Jones and Kingdom of the Crystal Skull’, you’re in good company, because he did too.

“…I sympathise with people who didn’t like the MacGuffin because I never liked the MacGuffin. George and I had big arguments about the MacGuffin. I didn’t want these things to be either aliens or inter-dimensional beings. But I am loyal to my best friend. When he writes a story he believes in – even if I don’t believe in it – I’m going to shoot the movie the way George envisaged it. I’ll add my own touches, I’ll bring my own cast in, I’ll shoot the way I want to shoot it, but I will always defer to George as the storyteller of the Indy series. I will never fight him on that.”

Aww golly, that’s kinda touching. I can’t help but admire the way he knowingly screwed the audience by making a terrible movie just because his friend asked him too. It really inspires confidence.

(what sucks is that these two used to be great at this. no, really. here is an outstanding article about the first Indiana Jones story meetings between Spielberg, Lucas, and the great screenwriter Lawrence Kasdan. I have no idea what happened since them but i doubt Lucas could even write a note telling me he went to the store without fucking it up. ‘You needed milk and went to Area 51? What, why? That seems unreasonable.’ “


By brendon February 14, 2008 @ 12:16 PM

If the point of this first trailer to Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull was to make me squeal with delight until I pass out, mission accomplished.

(bigger version on yahoo here)


By brendon June 22, 2007 @ 11:50 AM

The fourth installment of the Indiana Jones movies is currently filming, directed by Steven Spielberg and produced by George Lucas, and today there is a first look of the now 65-year-old Harrison Ford as Indy. says:

For the first time since 1989, Harrison Ford dons the familiar costume on Thursday, June 21, 2007, as the upcoming Indiana Jones adventure begins production under the direction of Steven Spielberg. The new Indiana Jones movie is set in the 1950s and stars Shia LaBeouf, Cate Blanchett, John Hurt, Ray Winstone and Jim Broadbent. The Lucasfilm Ltd. production will be released by Paramount Pictures worldwide on May 22, 2008.

Hmm, well he doesn't look 65, but he sure as hell doesn't look like he could beat my ass either.  I love these things but I don't want my childhood crushed by seeing Indiana Jones shaking his fist at the paperboy and redeeming coupons.