Alec Baldwin will soon have a new baby and forget all about his first family and daughter (hey, this shit happens, you know that pyromaniac children of divorce). But Ireland Baldwin is not fading back into any first family step-closet. She’s got the fame game pretty much nailed down. When a seventeen year old girl puts sea stars on the parts of her were not allowed to mention because of her age, including her tits and vagina, that’s a sign of future stardom. The last time I had Echinodermata on my private parts, I had to get a Q-tip swab of my urethra. Ireland turns it into a positive. That’s why she’s getting invites to all the VIP parties while I’m just going to get a bunch of letters from angry nerds about how it’s ‘starfish’ and not ‘sea stars’.
Everybody acts surprised to see how good looking Ireland Baldwin has become. But the question never was would she be hot, of course she would. The question is when will she go batshit bonkers like her parents. Not the kind of crazy where you mumble to yourself in the drug park about your St. Gabriel’s murder list. More like where your good looks draw people into your sphere and then you make their life a living hell. At some point, the rants and tirades will begin. Overpriced kitchen accents from Williams-Sonoma will be flying by your head and you’re going to find a perfectly placed vegan turd on the driver’s seat of your car. Even knowing that, I’d still let her be my girlfriend. You would too. That right there is how the adventure begins.
Photo Credit: PCN
Ireland Baldwin is still seventeen but now a professional model with a surfer boyfriend named Slater Trout. That may be his real name, but it’s also the name you’d give the surfer character in your porn movie. Ergo, he’s banging the frazzle out of Alec’s teenaged daughter. I know he’s not black, but Alec needs to work up some anger and punch this kids lights out.
Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin
I’m not even gonna google how old Ireland Baldwin is now because I doubt I want the answer, but the daughter of Kim Basinger and Alec Baldwin flew in to New Orleans last night, and if my daughter looked like this I’d probably be on edge all the time just like Alec.
Obviously every parent wants an attractive child, and if it’s a girl they want her to be pretty but Jesus Christ let’s not get carried away. Not THIS hot. A solid 8 that’s funny would be fine. Not some skinny blonde that literally hundreds of dudes will try to drug and rape. And that’s just while she’s in the New Orleans airport.
(image source = pacific coast)
Alec Baldwin got married on Saturday to one of the girls with him in these pictures, hopefully the brunette in the middle (28-year-old yoga instructor Hilaria Thomas) because the super tall blond is his 16-year-old daughter from his marriage to Kim Bassinger, Ireland Baldwin.
Ireland joined Alec and his new wife for lunch in New York yesterday, and that thoughtless little pig didn’t even bother to do her hair or put on a nice outfit. She should probably skip any new voice mails from dad for the next few days.
(image source = splash)
America first met Alec Baldwins daughter Ireland (who is 13 in these pictures from last year, btw) in 2008 when he left a message on her phone calling her a “rude, thoughtless little pig”, among other things. And since women are black-hearted monsters, she’s probably been plotting her revenge ever since. And now she’s gotten it, and she used a phone as her weapon just to tack on an ironic twist. NBC says…
Alec Baldwin was rushed to a Manhattan hospital overnight after a caller believed to be his daughter dialed 911 to say she couldn’t rouse the actor.
When medics got to Baldwin’s Upper West Side apartment, he agreed to go to the hospital where he was treated and released after about an hour.
Sources said it was Baldwin’s daughter with ex-wife Kim Basinger, Ireland, who made the call, telling an operator Baldwin was unresponsive.
The 911 caller expressed concern that the actor was not responding and speculated about his possibly taking pills.
I don’t think the cops should be able to take you away and have you examined just because one person made a phone call claiming you were gonna kill yourself. Maybe that person had no intention of really killing themselves and was just saying it to get attention. Maybe the person who said that doesn’t wanna break up and swears things will be different this time. Did you ever think of that Megan?
(picture source = getty images)