Ireland Baldwin Tweets from Rehab

By Lex April 21, 2015 @ 1:19 PM


Ireland Baldwin checked herself into rehab for ‘emotional trauma’. That’s code for substance abuse. She’s a Baldwin, Show me liquor as my Family Feud survey guess. Ireland was trending toward despair by way of teen modeling, a dumb surfer boyfriend, then leaping several steps into a publicized lesbian relationship with a black rapper. It’s good she hit rehab before joining ISIS and bombing the luxury condo building where her dad keeps making new babies with the yoga instructor.


Sad cryptic Tweets are fine for most teenaged girls, but when you’re in a facility, this kind of messaging might get your wrists strapped to the bed. I bet it sucks extra to be miserable when you’re pretty and blonde and rich. You’re the drowning fish. Nobody even notices. Fuck, Tweet that. They will sedate you.

Ireland Baldwin No Pants No Problem

By Matt April 03, 2015 @ 8:04 AM


Ireland Baldwin did a photo shoot for a lingerie line that didn’t seem to involve any lingerie. She was mostly naked even though they turned her to cover up all the good bits.. Baldwin is a professional fashion model meaning she can’t sing or act but she’s tall and pretty and her gums don’t bleed from extended periods of starvation. It is widely assumed most of her overtly sexual behavior is revenge aimed at her swarthy drunk father Alec and Kim Bassinger who birthed her in between rounds of decade long sedatives. She tried dating an older surfer dude but when dad just kept making more babies and forgetting her birthdays, she took up with a black lesbian rapper  After that it’s a spot in the Chris Christie’s cabinet. By the time she’s on her second face tattoo she’ll realize it was all for nothing. I’ve seen this movie before. It doesn’t end well. Godspeed to all the players.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Ireland Baldwin Ranks High Among Baldwins And Shit Around The Web

By Jack July 03, 2014 @ 4:45 PM


Say what you will about Emmy Awards and drug arrests and skateboarding Jesus pimping, Ireland Baldwin is only eighteen and she’s already surpassed her entire acting family in terms of who I’d like to have lunch with. Okay, not lunch, but sex. Same thing.

Ireland Baldwin is Alec Baldwin’s best work since Beetlejuice. (The Superficial)

FIFA is shocked at how drunk people need to get to pretend to enjoy soccer. (BroBible)

Portia De Rossi checks into rehab after realizing she’s been eating out Ellen Degeneres. (Celebitchy)

Lea Michele likes to go hiking in teeny, tiny shorts and we support her. (Egotastic)

Find out more about Lindsay’s latest frivolous lawsuit. (Huffington Post)

Facebook’s psych experiments on their users are nothing new, so, that’s good news I guess (Vice)

Tila Tequila is super pregnant with her alien/Illuminati/slutbag hybrid baby. (Drunken Stepfather)

Ireland Baldwin and Angel Haze Aren’t That Scandalous

By Lex June 30, 2014 @ 1:59 PM

Ireland Baldwin Kisses Girlfriend Angel Haze In Sherman Oaks
Ireland Baldwin wants people to stop focusing on her teen interracial lesbian rapper relationship and instead focus on… actually, she couldn’t come up with anything else. Being young and naive and not having all that much schooling, Ireland naturally plays the Juliet to Angel Haze’s Romeo, complete with an inability to truly grasp why every tabloid in town wants photos of her making out with her girlfriend. She went on Twitter to complain.

These gossip sites and articles need to relax. They twist words to make their lame publications more exciting. Making this about race or the fact that were both women is rather outdated. This is a new world we live in

I’m not sure how people might have misconstrued Angel’s recent comment about Ireland Baldwin, ‘We fuck.’ Ireland seems to fail to grasp the new world still digs celebrity interracial lesbian fuck sessions as much as the old world. I’m trying to remember back to when I was eighteen. I wasn’t getting laid regularly by women of any color. In your next Twitter rant, add ‘You’re all just jealous of my hot pussy hookup’ and I’ll have to concede.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Angel Haze Clarifies Relationship with Ireland Baldwin: We Fuck

By Lex June 27, 2014 @ 1:11 PM


Lesbian rapper Angel Haze dished out a little street Aristotle. I don’t fuck my friends. I do fuck Ireland Baldwin. Ergo, Ireland Baldwin is not my friend. I admire Angel Haze for calling out the media for insisting on calling her and eighteen year old Ireland Baldwin ‘friends’ in all their celebrity news reports. I also admire her for banging the scissor kissing shnozz out of Alec Baldwin’s daughter day and night. That’s clearly a get.

An interracial gay couple, I mean that’s just weird for America right now. We fuck and friends don’t fuck. I have never fucked one of my friends. Once I see you in that way, it doesn’t happen. But we do fuck and it’s crazy and that’s weird to say because I think about it in terms of an audience reading it and them thinking, ‘What the hell?’ But it happens.

That’s only the most refreshing quote out of Hollywood in twenty years. As self-described progressive as the mainstream media is, they still can’t bring themselves to talk about a white celebrity daughter getting her clit bell rung by an urban butch. It’s either too much for their publishers to process or they believe their audience can’t handle it. Even the Huffington Post censored Angel’s use of the word ‘fuck’ in reporting this story, as if striking bad words gives this tale of interracial pussy pounding more journalistic integrity. As for me, I dream about this shit day and night. Not the honesty and integrity part. Just the whole Orange is the New Black style lesbian sex.

Photo Credit: Ireland Balwin/Instagram

Ireland Baldwin In A Bikini

By Lex June 12, 2014 @ 11:50 AM

Ireland Baldwin In A Bikini For The Summer 2014 Issue Of Galore
A celebrity child’s best revenge is to steal their parent’s thunder. The more Alec Baldwin sinks into cocktail oblivion and wrong-way bike riding disputes, the more the daughter he tried to mess up gains in body popularity and bisexual make out sessions. Soon she’ll drive the final stake into his heart with the fateful words, ‘You never made it in the movies, dad, now I’m having a baby with a DJ’.

Photo Credit: Galore