Irina Shayk Poses In Bikinis

By Lex August 21, 2014 @ 7:59 AM

Irina Shayk Poses In Bikinis For 2015 Agua Bendita
I wish all Russians were more like Irina Shayk. I’d love to be able to say, Putin, yeah, he’s a dangerous tyrant, but man what I wouldn’t give to blast his perfect titties. He doesn’t seem to dangerous then. It’s probably not so awesome to live in a place that’s freezing fucking cold most of the year and all your hot women leave for better opportunities elsewhere. It’s like living in Massachusetts. Fuck you, you know I’m right. Go Sox.

Photo Credit: Agua Bendita

Irina Shayk In Lingerie For Harper’s Bazaar China

By Lex August 01, 2014 @ 8:08 AM

Irina Shayk In Lingerie For The August 2014 Issue Of Harper's Bazaar China
This is Harper’s Bazaar China, so it’s possible this isn’t really Irina Shayk but a knockoff Irina rotocast in a Guangdong factory. China pretty much produces everything in this world made of plastic, stone, metal, wood, or tiger balls. I always wonder when they threaten to nuke the shit out of other countries if they don’t realize how poorly that affects their customer service rating. Here’s your 10,000 units of Authentic Italian knockoff marble floor tiles. We might have snuck a dirty bomb in your shopping cart. Have a nice day. You’ll get crucified on Yelp for pulling shit like that.

Photo Credit: Harper’s Bazaar China

Irina Shayk Upskirt Is Kind of Commie

By Lex July 23, 2014 @ 12:17 PM

Irina Shayk Upskirt Filming EXTRA In Universal City
The perfect summer wind blew up Irina Shayk’s skirt on the set of Extra. A.C. Slater got flummoxed and mentioned ten times how much he loves his wife and lady tits in rapid fire succession to remind everybody how straight he is. Irina Shayk just laughed breezily and said something in Russian that translates to ‘I’m in your movies now, you American fools. Soon, Master Putin and I will crush your testicular sacs.’ Nobody cared about the red menace because they were busy imagining just how great it would be to have sex with Irina Shayk.

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News, AKM-GSI, FameFlynet, Splash

People Are Mad At Irina Shayk’s Topless Activism

By Travis May 16, 2014 @ 11:00 AM

Irina Shayk is a serious activist

There are plenty of celebrities out there using their fame and wealth for good causes in effective ways, but they’re usually overshadowed by the Twitter activist celebrities who think that by giving something a hashtag they’re “spreading awareness” and “making a difference.” Like #BringBackOurGirls, which was supposed to make us all aware of the Boko Haram militants who have kidnapped hundreds of girls in Nigeria, but only ended up becoming a way for some celebrities to look smart, while ordinary people use photoshop to make fun of them. Model Irina Shayk pitched in with her own hashtag sign and unlike that prude, Michelle Obama, she did it topless. Of course people are complaining on Irina’s Instagram photo that it is in bad taste, sick and promotes the further exploitation of women. But those people need to shut the fuck up, because nothing’s going to make the men in charge work harder to accomplish something than a topless woman.

Irina Shayk Seems Body Sure

By Lex April 25, 2014 @ 5:41 PM

Irina Shayk Strips Down To Her Bra At A Photo Shoot In Miami Beach
I never stood a chance as a professional model. It’s not simply my lack of anything close to good looks that thwarted my advancement in the modeling arts. Or even my fear or having my hairless ball sac caressed by a series of concerned pederasts up and down the modeling food chain. It’s changing in public. I still don’t like that. Even dressing rooms at Target make me nervous, and not just because illegal immigrant families often use them as temporary housing when they first arrive in America. I don’t like being half undressed in public spaces. The girl in the Crash Test Dummies song seems socially adjusted compared to me. Irina Shayk probably has had people telling her how beautiful she looks naked since she was nine. I can only imagine the confidence that gives you as an adult. This is a teachable moment for why we need to keep shaming fat kids and giving unmerited good grades to pretty girls.

Photo Credit: Splash

Irina Shayk Is Better At Selfies Than You

By Travis April 17, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

Technically this isn’t a selfie, but technically I don’t give a shit either way, because one day this world is going to end, and eventually a new alien species will arrive to repopulate Earth, and all they’ll find to learn about us will be a million photos of asshole teenagers holding their cameras away from their faces. But if more selfies looked like this one from model Irina Shayk, maybe I wouldn’t be so negative about the stupid trends that kids follow these days. All we need are a few rules, like guys can’t take selfies at all, and neither can unattractive girls or girls who make those stupid fucking duck faces. And for good measure, only girls who are 18 are older can take selfies. Sure, you can call this sexist and misogynistic, but I guarantee that everyone would eventually agree that selfies were 1,000% better.

Photo Credit: Irina Shayk Instagram