Beauty is a ladder. With Gywneth Paltrow at the top, and everybody else a few rungs beneath. Everybody looking up at the mysophobic expat with the compassionate social statements and wondering how they can be more like her. Irina Shayk probably sits alone most nights with a giant spoon and half-eaten pint of Hagen Daaz thinking just that. We all do. Just looking up. Waiting for a perfectly formed turd that smells like lilac to smack us in the face.

Here’s Irina Shayk in bikini photos for Beach Bunny swimwear.

It’s hard to find a photo of Irina Shayk where she’s not wet. She’s always some degree of moistness in all her public appearances. I assume she has an assistant with an ionized spray bottle that keeps her personal humidity at a constant sub-tropical level. Men love to see a pre-moistened woman. It’s like having a valet warm your car and hand you the keys.

Here’s Irina in her promotional shoot for Dynamite.

Photo Credit: Tony Kelly, Dynamite

Remember that Natural Beauty project that we showed you yesterday that featured a mighty good looking Emma Watson? Well, she just got sent back to the kiddie table. Here’s a very grown up Irina Shayk in her photos for the very same campaign. The photo art show set to tour the nation’s major metropolitan errors and raise awareness for the plight of Mother Earth. I’m down for that. Not so much the saving the planet part. But seeing Irina Shayk naked. Unless you’re a world famous soccer player, you’ve got no chance of doing that in private. So do the planet saving thing and think of Irina Shayk naked while you’re banging a zoftig hippy chick who cries when she thinks of climate change.