By Lex March 26, 2015 @ 8:29 AM
At some point somebody convinced good looking girls in Brazil to stop eating and the South American supermodel was born. Hundreds of women who might otherwise be chubby chicks selling meat skewers on street corners in Sao Paolo started taking all the European people model jobs. There’s a silent prejudice against pale anorexics. Every guy knows those women eschew calories because they hate their parents and can’t wait to make your life a living hell. Skinny exotic looking women just grew up without food and will tattoo your full Christian name on their clit if you buy them a Shamrock shake off the dollar menu. I could be wrong, but there’s a chance I’m not.
Photo Credit: Harper’s Bazaar Spain
By Lex November 18, 2014 @ 12:15 PM
Back in the days when you could eat steak rare and colonic with Camel smoke and bang your secretary over a metal desk, men kept pin up calendars on their wall. Now that move will cost you two weeks in a re-education camp beneath Vassar’s rugby field. Pirelli has been publishing a calendar of models since 1964, distributed to product resellers in shops and garages across the western world. Most of those calendars have since been replaced by Federal workplace rules and regulations written in Spanish and Hmong. But so long as photographers are interested in getting good looking models to distant tropical ports for the purposes of mild rape, these calendars will never go away. A couple years ago Pirelli tried turning their calendar into some G-rated artsy shit but several dudes from Big-O tires flew to the Pirelli headquarters and burned the building down. Now tits are back to provide context.
Photo Credit: Pirelli
By Lex July 09, 2014 @ 11:28 AM
I felt bad seeing all those weeping Brazilians yesterday on TV. It was worse than the time Maradonna told the whole world that Pele lost his virginity to a dude. But only a little worse. Brazilians, right on down to those never-before-seen Amazonian tribes who keep coming out of the woodwork for cigarettes and clean jocks, seem like really decent people. They do produce an inordinate number of the world’s tanned supermodels. That and being the world’s largest exporter of chicken products is something to hang your hat on. You’ll be back, Brazil. In just two years the entire world of uninteresting sports will be centered in Rio once more. Tell your hookers to hang in there with Japanese business traveler handies, the grand feast will be upon them soon again.
Photo Credit: Lui Magazine
By Lex March 25, 2014 @ 6:03 PM
I read GQ Romania because I want to know how the gentlemen of Bucharest are dressing when the sun peeks through the industrial solvent clouds each June and outdoor activity is temporarily declared safe. Turns out it’s mostly ill fitting suits made of unfiltered Camel butts and World War II era bomb casings repurposed as semi-flexible polymers. That was my guess, but I pay 10,000 Romanian Leus just to stay abreast. You’ve got to buy something from those earnest kids selling magazines to help out their schools. Those blessed little scamps.
Photo Credit: GQ Romania
By Lex September 13, 2013 @ 2:25 PM
Every adult actress makes two tough decisions at some point in their life: do I really want to have sex on camera for money, and what will my porn name be? The first part is usually answered by scars left from daddy, but picking that name, that’s the real gut wrenching decision. I don’t think Isabeli Fontana is a porn star, but she’s Brazilian, so she’s really close. Her name sure sounds like she’s starring opposite James Deen in the role of the woman who blah blah blah then gets fucked in the ass.
Here’s Isabeli Fontana in Lui magazine. You probably don’t get that one delivered to your front doorstep, so you can see it here.
Photo Credit: Lui Magazine