Jaden Smith Has a Felonious Girlfriend

By Lex December 07, 2015 @ 10:25 AM

Jaden Smith And Sarah Snyder Out In Miami
Jaden Smith was hanging around the Art Basel scene in Miami just so you’d remember to reflexively hate European traveling art shows. His scientology school has breaks in early December so he’s been on one since December 2009. He was also showing off his new girlfriend, Sarah Snyder, who looks twelve, but she’s older and recently arrested for grand larceny. She snatched a handbag worth more than Bryan Singer hush money envelopes and apparently that’s illegal. Even if you’re a blond spinner who gets around. Jaden says he loves Sarah’s free spirit. She says she loves Jaden’s music and his family’s access to top notch attorneys. She looks remarkably cute when shrugging her shoulders about where his last three cars disappeared to. If Smith wasn’t a self-taught astro-physicists, I’d be worried he was just a mark.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Jaden Smith Can’t Disappear Fast Enough

By Lex October 20, 2015 @ 11:17 AM

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Jaden Smith announced he’s going to disappear from the landscape within ten year’s time. It’s unclear what he intends to do with ten years of down time before his departure, but probably lots of skateboarding and naps. You don’t just give up not going to school or working without some serious planning.

No one will know where I am in 10 years. They’ll see me pop up, but they’ll be like, ‘Where’d you come from?’ No one will know. It’ll  be kind of like Banksy. But in a different way. More of a social impact. Helping people. But through art installations.

The thinking behind this is pretty solid. But think less Banksy and more the permanent hero status of Amelia Earhart. Popping up is so last year. Being gone forever is the new thing. Think of the tribute poems your sister will write for nobody outside of HuffPo bloggers to read.

In his latest magazine article where some breathless author pretends Jaden Smith is deep rather than just stupid, Smith compares himself to the great ancient scientists, only his laboratory is the entire world.

I feel like it’s an honor, actually, for people to think I’m crazy. Because they thought Galileo was crazy, too, you know what I’m saying? I don’t think I’m as revolutionary as Galileo, but I don’t think I’m not as revolutionary as Galileo.

Also, nobody thinks you’re not an idiot. People thought Galileo was crazy because his scientific theories were light years ahead of his generation, not because he affected a quirky personality and wore dresses and said look at how crazy I am on social media.  You can be a dumb uneducated second rate rapper. You can’ be a dumb uneducated scientist.

There a fine but important line between encouraging your children and indulging them. You’re playing with fire just approximating the line. At seventeen it’s probably too late to beat any self-awareness into Jaden Smith, but if you beat him hard enough, he will not not shut the fuck up.

Photo credit: Jaden Smith/Instagram

Jaden Smith Seems to Be Asking for Help

By Lex June 24, 2015 @ 12:28 PM

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Jaden Smith is troubled. Not the kind of troubled where you shoot up a bible study group. More the kind where you incorrectly quote Nietzsche and step off the roof of a Marie Callender’s and survive with two broken legs. It’s easy to mistake the ramblings of a teen boy with indulgent open marriage wealthy celebrity scientology parents as not traditional cuckoo, but the cracks are in the details. The desire to wear superhero costumes to formal functions – definitely a crack:

I wore the Batman suit to heighten my experience at the wedding and [at] prom, which was fun. But also, at the wedding, I felt as though I needed to protect everyone there, and needed to have the proper gear to do so.

The heavy handed poetry and crystal religions and wearing dresses in public and making bad rap videos, that’s all normal spoiled artistic family rich kid shit. This Batman bit is more James Holmes Joker level madness worthy of some blood work and a psych eval. Amanda Bynes had lit zero dogs on fire at seventeen. Just to cover our asses, let’s all agree he seemed like a nice kid and we didn’t see any signs.

Jaden Smith Still Searching And Shit Around The Web

By Michael May 18, 2015 @ 12:00 PM

Jaden-Smith-Prom-Batman

If you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to have incredibly indulgent parents and a childhood where you were completely protected from bullies and ass-kickers of any kind, meet Jaden Smith. Jaden’s in the news today because he wore a Batman suit to the prom with the more shocking news being that he attends a school and he took a girl.

Check out Jaden as the dynamic douche. (Huffington Post)

Bruna Gonclaves’ naked chichis are muy caliente. (Egotastic)

Jay Z compares himself to Steve Jobs even though no one is buying Tidal. (TMZ)

Who knew Jewel had such nice tits? (Drunken Stepfather)

Caitlin O’Connor is bikinirific. (Hollywood Tuna)

Kendall Jenner wears tights while working out and it is just great. (Popoholic)

I do love sweaty girls in workout clothes. (The Chive)

Jaden Smith Appropriates Tranny Culture

By Lex April 20, 2015 @ 9:19 AM

Jaden Smith Wears Dresses At Coachella
It’s amazing what people choose to do when they can do whatever the fuck they want. DiCaprio wears a ponytail and fucks the snot out of hot young women. So does Cara Delevingne. Alec Baldwin calls people faggots then cleans up nicely for GLAAD tolerance awards. Jaden Smith has decided to wear dresses since his junior moron rants on social media stopped trending. Let Jaden Smith be the omen of what is to come as we rid this world of school yard bullies and parents who discipline. A future world of boys in dresses who don’t even have the fortitude to be gay. I’m speeding up the work on my ark. Somebody’s going to notice this cess pool and press the flush button again.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Jaden Smith Doesn’t Believe In Gender

By Lex April 10, 2015 @ 1:16 PM

Jaden Smith Doesn't Believe In Gender
The expansive unlimited crystal powered creative space of Jaden Smith is not limited by binary thinking. Much like David Bowie, Mick Jagger, Jared Leto, Kanye West and other boundary pushing musicians, Jaden Smith has begun experimenting with androgynous styles and wearing women’s clothes. These other dress wearing musicians actually created popular music as opposed to merely being a spoiled teen from Hidden Hills who need a shed talk from a gruff uncle and some chores.

Jaden Smith can do as he pleases since he doesn’t go to school and has money and his parents believe he’s the second son of the second son of Xenu. He’s never going to get beat down or ridiculed or bullied, which seems like a good thing, until you spend five minutes with him talking about the summer dresses at Forever 21, then you’ll just want to punch something innocent. Nature has a way of course correcting. This one should be good.

Photo Credit: Instagram/FameFlynet