Smith Family Celebrity Garage Sale

October 7, 2017 | celebrity | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

I wouldn’t mind owning one or two pairs of Jada Pinkett-Smith’s old panties. Not for anything pervy, but because I’m inclined towards doing everything I can in helping those afflicted by natural disasters. 

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Jaden Smith Brings His Hair

May 2, 2017 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Jaden Smith is losing shock value in his unisex dress code so he upped the ante by bringing his own hair in his hand to the Met Gala. The annual event features dozens of the best looking people in the world wearing millions of dollars worth of disposable fashion while muttering about Trump ripping medicine out of poor babies’ hands. I

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Jaden Smith Launches Rock Band (VIDEO)

April 24, 2017 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Jaden Smith announced the creation of a rock band with his sister and a girl he’s dating with whom he shares a walk-in closet. This comes on the heels of Smith’s soon to be released K-Pop single by way of social media and his monthly allowance spent on a public relations launch.

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Jaden Smith DMV Existential (VIDEO)

January 16, 2017 | video | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

The problem with raising kids in a bubble of entitlement and unearned esteem is that moment they must run up against the real world. An intensely personal poem set to a Casio keyboard pre-loaded beat won’t get you a pass on your DMV Driver’s Test. You can buy your way into heaven easier than a green light on your basic road skills test.

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Time’s List of 30 Most Influential Teens Didn’t Take Much Effort

October 21, 2016 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Watching the legacy magazine business die is merely a matter of watching every decades old publication turn to lowest common denominator celebrity culture listicles. Nobody dies like Chess King anymore, with a quiet leathery dignity.

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Jaden Smith Non Gender Conforming Fashion Line Seems Indulgent

September 6, 2016 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

More disconcerting than Jaden Smith launching a line of skirts for boys and boy clothes for girls is his continued use of describing himself in the third person.

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GQ Has Changed

July 27, 2016 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

GQ magazine routinely pens fanboy articles on young male celebrity bodies and fashion that makes gay male erotica blush in its inherent moderation. GQ has evolved into the world’s most prominent trap. The seductive photos of famous women featured on the cover guide you into a world of Oxford Library late night glory holes.

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Jaden Smith Hetero Normative

April 18, 2016 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Jaden Smith has taken every opportunity to remind the world that he’s not gay, just insufferable. He brings that older non-working model chick with him to all the experiential field trips he takes in lieu of attending school. I wear skirts, but I’m fucking this good looking chick. In your face labelers. Some teen urges […]

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Jaden Smith Turned Out Well

February 11, 2016 | celebrity | josh-j| 0 Comments

Jaden Smith was announced as the new face of Louis Vuitton womenswear. Will Smith laughed his famous self-deprecating laugh and declared that perhaps he and the missus had been too lax with the boy. No shit. Will Smith was brought up Catholic in working-class West Philadelphia and it drove him to become a top selling rap artist, TV […]

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Jaden Smith Has a Felonious Girlfriend

December 7, 2015 | bikini | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Jaden Smith was hanging around the Art Basel scene in Miami just so you’d remember to reflexively hate European traveling art shows. His scientology school has breaks in early December so he’s been on one since December 2009. He was also showing off his new girlfriend, Sarah Snyder, who looks twelve, but she’s older and […]

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