It’s A Spears Easter Y’all!

By Steve G. April 01, 2013 @ 4:26 PM


Britney Spears attended Easter services in her hometown of Kentwood, Louisiana yesterday and she looked awful. To be more accurate, she looked like her mom. On the other hand, little sister and five times divorced Jamie Lynn Spears looked pretty good in her way too short for church Easter dress. And, by pretty good, I mean, she didn’t look like her mom.

Photo credit: PCN

JAMIE HAD LIPO WHILE PREGNANT

By brendon December 03, 2008 @ 10:45 AM

The always great Star magazine says today that Jamie Lynn Spears is worried she caused permanent damage to her daughter Maddie because Jamie had lipo while she was pregnant.  You might be wondering how a perfectly healthy 16-year-old managed to get lipo, and you'd be right.  Jamies mom Lynne had to fight for her daughter to get approved because you're not supposed to knock out underage teens and poke around inside of them.  Ironically, that’s how Jamie got into this mess to begin with.  So far it's not clear if Maddies slow development is because of the surgery, or because the Spears' are retards.  Star says…

Jamie Lynn had just finished her hit Nickelodeon show Zoey 101 when she found the weight piling on. Not realizing she was expecting, she pleaded with her mom, Lynne Spears, to let her get liposuction, says a source.  She didn't know she was pregnant when she filled out the health questionnaire prior to the procedure," a second source reveals. "Her mom approved the injections and went through tons of red tape to get the clinic to administer them to an underage patient."  "Any form of liposuction is dangerous and should not be performed on a pregnant woman," plastic surgeon Dr. Gary Burton tells Star. "It poses serious health risks to the fetus."

The numbers here are kind of weird because Spears made her announcement to the world when she was 12 weeks pregnant.  How much weight could she have really put on in three months?  Is the answer 17 pounds?  Because that’s what I'm guessing, and if it turns out I was right that would really be something.  Borderline amazing.

ENQUIRER STANDS BY THEIR STORY

By brendon October 13, 2008 @ 7:10 AM

Last week of course, the National Enquirer reported that 17-year-old Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant for the second time, just three months after giving birth the first time.  Denials were issued across the board, but NE is sticking by their original story, and now says it has confirmed the news with a source inside the family.  

Now, a close family member has revealed exclusively that the Spears family is in an uproar and Jamie Lynn is being pressured to abort the baby. The anonymous public denials of Jamie Lynn’s pregnancy, says the family member, are simply buying the Spears family time until they decide what to do.
“Jamie Lynn’s mom is furious about the pregnancy,” the family member told an ENQUIRER source. “And she’s livid the news leaked out, especially during her book tour.
“Lynne doesn’t want to talk about it publicly until they sort this out.
“Jamie Lynn is being pressured by people very close to her to abort. But no decision has been made yet.
“Casey is furious. Jamie Lynn hadn’t told him about the pregnancy. He learned about it in the media and then confronted her and she told him it was true.
“Lynne and Jamie Lynn have been arguing nonstop by phone.”

I'm not gonna lie to you, Jamie Lynn looks kinda hot in these pictures, and not just because she’s driving a 90,000 dollar car.  Maybe a blond teen who just gave birth is the girl for me.  Some women receive the first 15-inches of my penis and then claim that’s all they can take.  So, if Jamie Lynn just had a kid, I'm thinking it's game on baby.

(picture source = inf daily)



OKAY WELL NOW SHE’S NOT PREGNANT

By brendon October 08, 2008 @ 11:39 AM

In complete contrast to what the NE said earlier today, TMZ says now that Jamie Lynn Spears is not pregnant, citing a source that cannot be turned into a peach, no matter what. (nyuk nyuk nyuk!) 

Three-month-old Maddie Briann Aldridge is gonna have to wait to have a lil' baby brother or sister, because Jamie Lynn Spears is not pregnant, y'all!
While several reports are claiming Jamie Lynn is preggers again, an unimpeachable source tells TMZ Britney's baby sis does not have another bun in the oven.
Someone tell Lynne Spears and get her down from the ledge.

If TMZ is right, I’m willing to bet Jamie Lynn is the one who told the Enquirer she was pregnant.  Because she’s an idiot, and if you can't do anything right, a good idea is to point out that at least you didn’t fuck up.  It turns doing nothing into something admirable.  And all she had to do was not get pregnant for a second time at 17.  It would be like if I told my parents I was a democrat.  Then I said, "naw I’m just kidding, but I am a gay pedophile necrophiliac".  They would say, "oh my god, you're a democrat!"  "No.  I was kidding about that.  But I do dig up dead boys and make love to them."   "But not as a Democrat?" "No." "Oh thank god."

(picture source = inf daily)



JAMIE LYNN IS PREGNANT AGAIN

By brendon October 08, 2008 @ 6:06 AM

This story is going to seem kind of hard to believe, but just remember that it's about Jamie Lynn Spears, the girl who let guys fuck her bareback while she was pregnant because, as she put it, "I can't get pregnant again".  Oh the irony.   

Jamie Lynn Spears has another bun in the oven, The NATIONAL ENQUIRER is reporting exclusively – and her pals are begging her to abort.
In a blockbuster world exclusive, The ENQUIRER has learned Spears is now expecting for the second time – a mere three months after giving birth on June 19 to baby Maddie Briann.
 “Jamie Lynn is about eight weeks pregnant, and she and her mom Lynne are hysterical,” revealed a close source.  “Neither of them knows what to do, but for now they’re trying to keep the news from getting out.”
 “Jamie Lynn believed she couldn’t get pregnant while she was breast-feeding,” said the close source. “She’d expected to have her period by early September.” A home pregnancy test came back positive and Jamie Lynn cried her eyes out, said the source.

You may or may not be able to get pregnant while breast-feeding, I don’t know, I'm not a doctor, but you know an awesome way to not get pregnant?  Don’t have idiot hillbilly teens cum inside of you.  Facials are more than just compelling television and the best way to gauge how cool a girl is, you know.

JAMIE LYNN BREAST-FEEDING PICTURES?

By brendon September 22, 2008 @ 8:05 AM

If you heard there was a scandal involving pictures and breastfeeding and Jamie Lynn Spears, would there be any doubt that Wal Mart was somehow involved?  TMZ says…

A picture Law enforcement sources tell TMZ federal and local authorities are on the hunt for someone peddling 12 pics of Britney Spears, Jamie Lynn, daughter Maddie and baby daddy Casey Aldridge. One of the pictures shows Jamie Lynn breast feeding Maddie — Jamie Lynn's left breast is exposed.
The pics were taken on Casey's digital camera. We're told he took the camera card to his local Wal-Mart in Louisiana for copies. Law enforcement believes someone at the Wal-Mart may have made extra copies, then tried selling them.
Because Jamie Lynn is a minor, selling the pics — or buying them — could constitute a violation of federal laws prohibiting pornography. Peddling pictures of a minor's breast — even if not taken for sexual purposes — could land the seller and the buyer in federal prison if they are marketed across state lines for the purpose of being lurid. Also, anyone purchasing the pics could be prosecuted for the crime of receiving stolen property.

I thought pictures of naked teens were okay as long as they weren’t sexual in nature?  Like if they were white-water rafting or something.  I really think those are okay, despite what the prosecutor in my case would like you to believe.  Why's he gotta cock-block?  Who made it his business?  They gave medals and awards to those pictures from Vietnam showing naked kids running down the street and stuff.  And they should have too.  What a sexy war that was.