By Matt May 28, 2015 @ 7:32 AM
Court papers filed by Bobby Flay’s estranged wife allege he had three affairs during their ten year marriage, signifying she remains shockingly naive about the whole thing. Jesus was a carpenter. Throw in the bank teller maybe something will stick. Included in Flay’s affair rolodex is the mumbling bore January Jones who gave birth to a mystery scratch-off child in 2011. Jones has kept the father’s identity under wraps, but Flay is a candidate as is her X-Men director Matthew Vaughn and every other dude in Hollywood with his own TV show. Flay’s wife claims to have proof of the affair including some racy text messages between him and Jones where she asks him to role play Harvey Weinstein as a horny fireman Groundlings style. Jones is now rumored to be dating Will Forte, her co-star on Fox’s Last Men on Earth who also happens to be the executive producer. There’s a dribble of DNA leading back to item one on her IMDB page. DNA testing should narrow this down to someone of Germanic ancestry who crossed the Bering Strait somewhere during the Pleistocene. How do you say cum bucket in French?
Photo Credit: Instagram
By Jack April 03, 2015 @ 12:00 PM
Will Forte is currently getting into a nice bit of January Jones. When those primetime series paychecks start rolling in, so does a better class of women. Or perhaps it’s entirely unrelated. Am I right dude from Lost who had every single woman in the world for five seasons?
Read all about this lovely couple. (The Superficial)
Jessica Alba looks hot in bikini photos. (TMZ)
Kim Kardashian shows off why she’s famous in Spandex. (Egotastic)
Kristin Cavallari wears a slutty tiny bikini to the beach with her kids, like you do. (Huffington Post)
Sara Sampaio in a bikini makes my wiener happy. (Drunken Stepfather)
Michaela Schaefer is a whore rabbit for Jesus. (Hollywood Tuna)
Daniela Lopez Osorio is muy caliente in bikinis. (Popoholic)
By Lex August 08, 2014 @ 1:02 PM
January Jones has a reputation for being high maintenance. But I think that’s mostly because outside of letting the X-Men director shtup a baby into her on set, she’s not particularly outgoing in public settings. Plus, she plays a horrible bitch in Mad Men. I wouldn’t typecast her so quickly. She looks pretty fucking hot in lingerie. I’ve found that good looking women tend to be kind souls, you just need to dig deep, super deep, deeper than current technology allows for digging. When they’re shoving their French tipped fingernail in your eye socket and asking you if you have any more successful friends they can screw, just remember that about their souls.
Photo Credit: Vogue Italy
By Lex March 21, 2014 @ 6:38 PM
Meh. It’s one of those stupid questions that used to be provocative, now every girl in Hollywood has a prepared answer for it. Which other girl would you like to sleep with? Everybody used to say Mila Kunis because they could earnestly say how pretty she is, how talented, and how sweet she seems. But now that she’s Eskimo Sisters with Lindsay Lohan, everybody needs a new fake lipstick lesbian partner. In an interview with Violet Grey magazine, January Jones chose Rihanna.
“I try to take risks and shock people a little bit. It’s important to provoke some sort of emotion, negative or positive.”
By which she means, if I mention a controversial pot smoking black woman, do you promise not to ask me if Claudia Schiffer’s husband is my baby daddy anymore?
Photo Credit: Violet Grey
By Lex May 13, 2013 @ 11:47 AM
Two years on now and January Jones has still yet to give up the goods on who nailed her pregnant. One top rumor is her X-Men director Matthew Vaughn. Some people don’t like to mention this rumor because it automatically draws a very threatening letter from the attorney for Matthew Vaughn and his taut-faced model wife Claudia Schiffer stating that both Matthew and Claudia categorically deny any involvement in the knocking up of January Jones. And, as you know, when a man denies being the father of the baby of a woman not his wife, that’s incontrovertible fact. It’s like a pinky swear. You can’t lie about that shit.
** For the record, I have no independent knowledge of either Matthew Vaughn or Claudia Schiffer sticking their penises (penii?) into January Jones and dropping their genetic payloads. Though, January Jones is pretty damn hot and there’d be no shame in saying you shot your arrow into her teepee on a lonely night when waiting another six hours for the mutant makeup to set. Not that I have any evidence that that is what happened. Like photographs of a married Matthew Vaughn mounted on top of January Jones while she begs him to make her with child as they both laugh at what an uptight stick Claudia has become. I have no iPhone 4S pictures of that. Or even the mocking laughter of the coitally entwined couple on audio tape. Nobody has that. That seems to back up the denial. So just forget I ever mentioned Matthew Vaughn barebacking January Jones into motherhood with his pent-up jizz as the cuckolding pair made crude jokes about Claudia’s German heritage. Because there’s no proof that ever happened. It’s silly that people even bring this up.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet, PCN
By Lex April 26, 2013 @ 1:24 PM
Photo Credit: FameFlynet, PCN