Jared Leto Can Name Up to Two American Immigrants (VIDEO)

By Lex November 23, 2015 @ 6:47 AM

Jared Leto was tasked with the obligatory awards ceremony ode to third world suffering felt heavily by wealthy celebrities because of how many foreign speaking nannies and gardeners they employ. Also, many of them are presently fucking Czech models. Leto read a note from a guy whose wife was killed by the terrorists in Paris who refused to hate Muslim extremists who left him a single dad because that would only beget more violence. He then changed his relationship status on Facebook to ‘Yeah, I’m That Guy’ and watched the pussy roll right on in.

Leto reminded the audience that many people are the sons and daughters of immigrants, including Steve Jobs and Barack Obama. Also, the entire rest of the country not named Running Deer. It was a great chance to pan the camera to the sad fat face of anybody in the audience who didn’t look quite white or black and was crying. Leto concluded his teleprompter Gettysburg by introducing Celine Dion, who apologized for having no room at any of her eleven residences to house Syrian refugees, but she heard Iowa is beautiful in the winter and reminds Syrians a lot of their homeland. Help is one of those words better left in the concept stage.

Jared Leto’s Stupid Hair And Shit Around The Web

By Jack March 06, 2015 @ 12:00 PM


Jared Leto cut his hipster Jesus hair and died it platinum blond. It’s for an upcoming role he’s playing in the movie Douche Bag. It goes on forever.

Just when you thought Jared couldn’t get any douchier. (Huffington Post)

Hot girls, scantily clad, taking pictures in the mirror. (The Chive)

Yara Khmidan is all greasy and sexy in her underpants. (Egotastic)

Lee Daniels doesn’t want to work with Mo’Nique because she’s apparently a huge cunt. (TMZ)

Kim Kardashian wears a see-through mesh shirt and you can see her nips. (Drunken Stepfather)

Kennedy Summer in a black bikini will make your fucking day. (Hollywood Tuna)

Lindsay Hancock takes bikini selfies in public because she doesn’t give a fuck. (Popoholic)

Jared Leto Hawks Fannypack

By Matt January 07, 2015 @ 7:35 AM


Jared Leto posted a shirtless pic of himself wearing a fannypack, which conveniently contained a link to his merch page. On the site you can buy his dumb fucking hipster fanny pack for $32.00 or a photo book he made about Haiti or a poster which says “Sleep. Dream. Wake. Attack. Create. Fight. Fuck. Win. Sleep. Dream” followed by the caption “Hurry! We currently have 3 in stock” or a Vegan Leather Cuff, or some Socks. Or you could go down to the hardware store and buy some razor blades while you run a bath. All the shit comes with Leto’s stupid logo he designed for himself so you’ll know who to punch at the Erewhon wheat grass bar.

This confirms my suspicion that Leto is an androgynous Thetan from another galaxy. You just won an Oscar and you’re slinging fanny packs? I’m not seeing the end game here. Clearly he’s being programmed by outside forces to embody different living beings and hawk merch for David Miscavige. His Dallas Buyers performance was annoying but didn’t sound any alarms. I’m calling the Men in Black on this one. Mormons, activate.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Jared Leto As The Joker And Shit Around The Web

By Jack December 03, 2014 @ 12:00 PM


Hipster pretty boy Jesus Jared Leto will be playing the Joker in the new Suicide Squad movie from DC Comics. This officially proves there is no God and adults who read comic books should be chemically castrated yesterday.

Read all about the upcoming shitburger of a movie. (Huffington Post)

Lindsay Lohan parlays her coke habit into hawking a men’s clothing line. (TMZ)

Anna Ewers barely covers her tuna taco for Alexander Wang. (Drunken Stepfather)

Everyday with Daniela Lopez Osorio in a bikini doesn’t totally suck. (Hollywood Tuna)

Stella Maxwell shows off her lovely tittieballs in these bikini pics. (Popoholic)

I swear to God, Stephen Hawking wants to be a Bond villain. (The Superficial)

Annie Lennox does not appreciate Madonna’s tits. Neither do I. (Dlisted)

Jared Leto’s Cock And Shit Around The Web

By Jack August 19, 2014 @ 1:17 PM


Alexis Arquette, the tranny Arquette sister I guess, claims that he schlobbled Jared Leto’s man parts and that it was wonderful. According to Arquette, Leto’s dick was like something out of the movie Gladiator. I’m not sure what the fuck that means. Does it look like Russell Crowe overacting?

Read all about Jared’s throbbing Roman general. (Dlisted)

Keanu Reeves makes the transition to TV because his career is officially over. (Huffington Post)

Nadine Leopold in bra, panties, and garters. You’re welcome. (Popoholic)

Nina Dobrev does that ice bucket shit in a bikini. (Drunken Stepfather)

Chris Brown trades in kicking women for kicking a kickball. (Celebslam)

Jessica Lowndes getting all sweaty in exercise videos. (COED)

Katy Perry and her bikini body went to a water park. (The Superficial)

Jared Leto Grazes Sexy And Shit Around The Web

By Jack June 26, 2014 @ 4:36 PM


PETA named Jared Leto as its sexiest vegetarian of the year. Apparently vegans get moist before the emaciated effeminate Jesus look. It’s all part of PETA’s master plan to turn us all into a bunch of herbivore bait. Not me, PETA. I will eat you and shit you out like corn before I let you take away my cheeseburger.

Find out why the celery fellators picked Jordan Catalano as their ultra hunk. (NY Daily News)

Kim Kardashian showed off her blond hair in a bra and nobody cared. (Drunken Stepfather)

Do you want to see a video of Spencer Pratt getting attacked by a dog? Fuck yeah! (Gawker)

Chrissy Teigen shows off her chimichangas to GQ Mexico. (Huffington Post)

Scientists found the world’s oldest shit; I could show them the world’s newest. (io9)

Would you like a summer internship with the Wu-Tang Clan? Sho nuff. (COED)

Miley Cyrus will show you all ten of her genitals before her tour is over.  (Egotastic)