Paris Hilton’s Brother Gets Jacked Up Again

By Lex July 14, 2014 @ 12:32 PM

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There’s no bigger mood killer than when Jeremy Jackson shows up at your party screaming, “Don’t you know who I am? I was on Baywatch and Celebrity Rehab.” Paris Hilton was just trying to kick it with some of her Valley of the Dolls 30-something besties at her Malibu summer mansion when Jeremy Jackson rose from the dead and busted into her party. Jeremy’s drunken advances were quickly thwarted by poor equipped brother Barron Hilton, the human Hollywood party punching bag, who took a few Yeats chops to the mug for his chivalry. You may recall Barron also got his ass kicked last December in Miami when Lindsay Lohan ordered a disco beat down on his ass because one or both of them were tweaked out of their gourds and it seemed funny.

When Jeremy Jackson kept advancing like a drunken panzer and got his hands around Brandon Davis, all the heirs and heiresses panicked as the life of their drug connect flashed before their eyes. Jasmine Waltz, cocktail waitress famed for punching Lindsay Lohan in the face and therefore a natural ally of the Hiltons, grabbed a vodka bottle and smashed it over Jackson’s head. Quick thinking from a bar fight veteran. Then everybody called 911 to claim they were assaulted while the public relations reps started concocting their fake stories. Barron Hilton and Jeremy Jackson were both driven to the hospital where they agreed in desperation to lick the last bit of cocaine off each other’s cocks. All the party guests later texted each other and agreed to do it again next Saturday.

Photo credit: Splash News

Jasmine Waltz is dead to me

By brendon August 01, 2011 @ 12:02 AM

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Jasmine Waltz had a bikini photo shoot on the beach in Malibu yesterday, and I really hope this is just some horrific make-up because when she jumped out of the tabloids and into my heart less than a year ago, she looked like Megan Fox.

Now, her ass still looks great but I don’t know what the hell is going on with her face. Not only should her plastic surgeon have his license taken away, but they should slam his hands in a car door.

(image source = bauer griffin)

its a Jasmine Waltz bikini car wash

By brendon July 27, 2011 @ 10:27 AM

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I don’t know what it is exactly, but holy shit do I love Jasmine Waltz. She’s only famous of course for dating David Arquette right after he separated from Courteney Cox, but I don’t care. I’m all in. Her sex tape is maybe the hottest celebrity tape ever. Easily the best one since Pam Anderson. So if she washed her car in a bikini yesterday to maybe drum up some attention for it, it worked. She looks incredible in that thing. Sexy but not slutty. Which is also how people describe me when I dance the bachata, by the way. Erotic, yet always in control. If I had to describe my dancing with one word it would be; “sensual”.

(image source = bauer griffin. and until youtube takes it down, here’s a mostly SFW clip of her tape)

Jasmine Waltz is in a bikini, has an amazing ass

By brendon December 06, 2010 @ 5:41 PM

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Jasmine Waltz of course is the girl who was famous for a week last month because she was dating David Arquette when it was announced he and Courteney Cox were getting a divorce, and today she was at the beach in a bikini. And it… was awesome.

I know black guys will be like, “Cracka are you crazy? That ass is terrible. Ghosts are scary. Where’s my kool aid? Obama deserves two terms to implement his policies”, but Jasmine has one of the greatest asses I’ve ever seen. I know it’s a white girl ass, but I like white girls, so we’re all set here.

(source = pacific coast)

Jasmine Waltz had a sexy mugshot

By brendon October 14, 2010 @ 10:43 AM

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Jasmine Waltz, the girl who started dating David Arquette after he and Courteney Cox quietly separated about a month ago, is on the verge of being arrested for stealing my heart, by the love police, and hopefully her mugshot will be as hot as the one she took in 2000 (full size here) after being arrested in Orange County, Florida, for, “possession of less than 20 grams of cannabis.”

It was a misdemeanor and she pled no contest, but it’s nice to know that this hot bitch likes to party. Girls will let you do anything you want to them when they’re high. Even more so if you have a gun.

(source = splash news online)

Jasmine Waltz had tons of sex with David Arquette

By brendon October 13, 2010 @ 4:18 PM

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When David Arquette told Howard Stern yesterday that he was dating 28 year old bartender Megan Fox Jasmine Waltz and that the rumors about his impending divorce from Courteney Cox were true, he also said that he and Jasmine have already had sex. Once. Maybe twice.

And for some reason people took that literally because today Jasmine would like to make it clear that she slept with another womans husband WAAYYY more than twice. TMZ says…

The woman with whom David Arquette claims to have had sex with “once … maybe twice,” is indignant, telling friends, “Two Times, My Ass!”
Jasmine Waltz is indignant, claiming she had sex multiple times with David over the course of more than a month.

That’s all fine but what about the real question; is she indignant? I wish I had the answer my friends, but the reality is, we may never know.

(image source = inf and splash news)