Jasmine Waltz is dead to me

By brendon August 01, 2011 @ 12:02 AM

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Jasmine Waltz had a bikini photo shoot on the beach in Malibu yesterday, and I really hope this is just some horrific make-up because when she jumped out of the tabloids and into my heart less than a year ago, she looked like Megan Fox.

Now, her ass still looks great but I don’t know what the hell is going on with her face. Not only should her plastic surgeon have his license taken away, but they should slam his hands in a car door.

(image source = bauer griffin)

its a Jasmine Waltz bikini car wash

By brendon July 27, 2011 @ 10:27 AM

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I don’t know what it is exactly, but holy shit do I love Jasmine Waltz. She’s only famous of course for dating David Arquette right after he separated from Courteney Cox, but I don’t care. I’m all in. Her sex tape is maybe the hottest celebrity tape ever. Easily the best one since Pam Anderson. So if she washed her car in a bikini yesterday to maybe drum up some attention for it, it worked. She looks incredible in that thing. Sexy but not slutty. Which is also how people describe me when I dance the bachata, by the way. Erotic, yet always in control. If I had to describe my dancing with one word it would be; “sensual”.

(image source = bauer griffin. and until youtube takes it down, here’s a mostly SFW clip of her tape)

Jasmine Waltz is in a bikini, has an amazing ass

By brendon December 06, 2010 @ 5:41 PM

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Jasmine Waltz of course is the girl who was famous for a week last month because she was dating David Arquette when it was announced he and Courteney Cox were getting a divorce, and today she was at the beach in a bikini. And it… was awesome.

I know black guys will be like, “Cracka are you crazy? That ass is terrible. Ghosts are scary. Where’s my kool aid? Obama deserves two terms to implement his policies”, but Jasmine has one of the greatest asses I’ve ever seen. I know it’s a white girl ass, but I like white girls, so we’re all set here.

(source = pacific coast)

Jasmine Waltz had a sexy mugshot

By brendon October 14, 2010 @ 10:43 AM

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Jasmine Waltz, the girl who started dating David Arquette after he and Courteney Cox quietly separated about a month ago, is on the verge of being arrested for stealing my heart, by the love police, and hopefully her mugshot will be as hot as the one she took in 2000 (full size here) after being arrested in Orange County, Florida, for, “possession of less than 20 grams of cannabis.”

It was a misdemeanor and she pled no contest, but it’s nice to know that this hot bitch likes to party. Girls will let you do anything you want to them when they’re high. Even more so if you have a gun.

(source = splash news online)

Jasmine Waltz had tons of sex with David Arquette

By brendon October 13, 2010 @ 4:18 PM

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When David Arquette told Howard Stern yesterday that he was dating 28 year old bartender Megan Fox Jasmine Waltz and that the rumors about his impending divorce from Courteney Cox were true, he also said that he and Jasmine have already had sex. Once. Maybe twice.

And for some reason people took that literally because today Jasmine would like to make it clear that she slept with another womans husband WAAYYY more than twice. TMZ says…

The woman with whom David Arquette claims to have had sex with “once … maybe twice,” is indignant, telling friends, “Two Times, My Ass!”
Jasmine Waltz is indignant, claiming she had sex multiple times with David over the course of more than a month.

That’s all fine but what about the real question; is she indignant? I wish I had the answer my friends, but the reality is, we may never know.

(image source = inf and splash news)

David Arquette admits cheating on Courteney Cox

By brendon October 12, 2010 @ 12:01 PM

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Yesterday it was reported that David Arquette maybe had a new girlfriend, 28-year-old bartender Jasmine Waltz, but instead of being happy for him, his wife Courteney Cox decided they should separate after 11 years of marriage.

In her defense, the rumors are true, and Arquette admitted it this morning in an interview with Howard Stern.

(Arquette said) he wasn’t living with Waltz, “but I did have sex with her one time, maybe twice… my sexual encounter made me pretty feel manly.”

Jasmine has also dated Ryan Seacrest, Jesse McCartney and Paris Hilton’s ex Doug Reinhardt. Which is scary. I assume that after you bang Paris Hilton, you pull out of her poisonous vagina and your dick looks like a cigarette that has sat in an ashtray for 30 minutes. A drooping arc of ash that disintegrates when you tap it. Uhh, no thanks. This is my favorite penis. I don’t want anything to happen to it.

(the pictures are Jasmine with McCartney in August of 09 and her alone last night in West Hollywood. source = pacific coast)