Lindsay Lohan will be on the Tonight Show tonight

By brendon April 26, 2011 @ 12:33 PM

Yesterday, just two days after taking her 5th mug shot, Lindsay Lohan taped an interview for the Tonight Show that will air Tuesday, and this morning the Today Show had a clip of Jay Leno asking her a question. So let’s play a game.

One of these quotes is from her answer to Jay, one is what she said to a judge in July of 2010, one is from an interview in February of 2010, and one is from an interview in March of 2009. Guess which one is from yesterday and you win 3 months of WWTDD Pro. That’s a $9,000 value.

LENO: “At what point did you realize, ‘Oh my God, I could lose this, this could slip away from me?’ ”

LINDSAY 1 – “I never want to be close to losing everything I worked for and aspired to have my whole life. I’ve made some dreadful mistakes but learned from them.”

LINDSAY 2 – “I’m not taking this as a joke. It’s my life. It’s my career…I take responsibility for my actions.”

LINDSAY 3 – “I just want to live the dream that I’ve worked so hard for since I was 4 years old.
“My past is my past and it’s been a long one, but I’m growing more and learning more day by day.
No one is perfect … You have to make mistakes to learn so that you can grow up and live your life the right way. Things happen, and you have to move on, be strong and believe in yourself.“

LINDSAY 4 – “Being young and being in the position I was in, you don’t really take the time to appreciate what you have … But I’m not a kid anymore, I’m 24, I’ve made a lot of mistakes and I recognize that. I’m in the clear now, and as long as I stay focused, I can achieve what I want to achieve.”

I know it was subtle but my point is she says this shit all the time. It’s kind of sad. Maybe she could have been more than she is but she was born to two white trash retards and this is what you get. This is why we need to take away kids bike helmets and hand them lit fireworks taped to a dodge ball. That stuff used to kill or at least maim all the clumsy, slow witted dumb asses. The rope swing was their natural predator. Now they grow up and have 8 fuckin kids all exactly like Lindsay.

(1 = February 2010, 2 = July 2010, 3 = March 2009, 4 = yesterday)

Jimmy Kimmel kicks ass

By brendon November 19, 2010 @ 3:58 PM


GQ has their annual Men of the Year issue out right now, and I haven’t even looked at it because I’m sure it’s a bunch of idiotic choices that don’t make any sense as usual, but one thing they did get right was calling Jimmy Kimmel the best late night host. And he proves it during his interview.

A few excerpts..

Do you think Jay Leno meant it when he said he thought your impression of him was funny?
No. I don’t think he means anything he says.

Do you think Jay was surprised at the ass kicking you gave him when he interviewed you on his show (video)?
And as we talked, I slowly realized the goal [of having me on] was to minimize the damage I’d done and show the audience: Jimmy and Jay are buddies. I hadn’t talked to Jay forever before that call. I talked to him a lot when he was thinking about coming to ABC, and when he took the job at NBC, I never heard from him again. So I decided I wasn’t going to be the jerk that went along with Jay’s scripted comedy bit. I was going to talk about it one way or another. So I felt we’d reached a compromise; Jay would talk about his things, and I would talk about mine. It worked out, I guess.

Are there any lessons to be learned from this?
The lesson is, it pays to be sneaky. [laughs] I think that’s the main thing I learned. That, and don’t trust Jay Leno.

The amazing thing is, Jimmy Kimmel is the nicest guy in the world, so imagine for one second how big of a two-faced jackass you have to be to piss off someone like that to this degree. Kimmel is an man of the people, an Everyday Joe, not like you and Jay Leno, with your gold velor couches and luxurious circular waterbeds, driving around your gated community without a person of color for 20 miles. Me and Jimmy Kimmel hate you so much!

Monday morning headlines

By brendon August 23, 2010 @ 1:32 AM


JENNIFER ANISTON – bombed again this weekend. Her movie ‘The Switch’ opened in 8th place. The chart above is her box office bio. Take out ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’ (which was an ensemble), ‘Marley and Me’ (which stared an adorable puppy, based on those popular Contennelle commercials), and ‘Bruce Almighty’ (which stared Jim Carey in his prime), and she’s only had one hit. Ever. I could charge people to watch my Girls With Big Tits screen saver and make more than ‘Management’. (box office mojo)

WYCLEF JEAN – says he is still fighting to get on the ballot for Haitis presidential election. Though no reason was given to explain why his initial application was rejected, under Haitian law a presidential candidate must have lived in the country for five consecutive years leading up to the election. “When the fuck did this shithole get laws,” Wyclef probably said. (popeater)

JAY LENO – is no favorite of mine, but he performed for free at the Beau Rivage Casino in Biloxi Saturday night and raised $90,336 for Gulf Coast residents effected by the BP oil spill. Then on top of that he chipped in some of his own money to make it an even $100,000. It obviously helped to have such a big star perform in Biloxi. Normally the headliner is a guy named Cooter who can wiggle his ears. (ap)

SHAUNA SAND – walked around Miami in a bikini this weekend, and if you wanted to see that for some inexplicable reason, here you go. (inf daily)

conan was nominated for an emmy. jay leno however…

By brendon July 08, 2010 @ 1:39 PM


As everyone knows, NBC fired Conan O’Brien as host of the Tonight Show after just a few months and then gave the job back to Jay Leno. Essentially NBC pissed away 200 million dollars while making Leno look like an asshole, and then re-hired him.

His ratings have dropped every week since his return, and 3 weeks ago his ratings actually fell below Conans at a comparable point (more). The audience has now dropped from 5 million viewers last year to 4 million this year, the lowest ratings since 1992 (variety). For a more visual example, just picture Eric Claptons kid. That’s what Leno’s ratings look like.

But at least that’s all in the past and NBC doesn’t have to relive their mistake anymore. Wouldn’t you agree, Popeater?

‘The Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien’ earned its first and only Emmy nomination this morning.
Conan will compete against ‘The Colbert Report,’ ‘The Daily Show,’ ‘Real Time With Bill Maher’ and ‘Saturday Night Live’ in the Outstanding Variety, Music or Comedy Series category.
‘The Tonight Show With Jay Leno’ was not nominated, although NBC submitted Leno’s work, while O’Brien’s own people submitted his.

Granted this is no badge of honor for Conan either. Being nominated alongside SNL is nothing short of embarrassing. You could have more fun getting your dick caught in a zipper for 90 minutes.

tonights kimmel was filmed on a mac book

By brendon June 22, 2010 @ 4:41 PM


Speaking of Seth Rogen, he’ll be a guest tonight on Jimmy Kimmel, which is noteworthy because the show was filmed entirely on Kimmels Mac Book. Hopefully it won’t be like the other webcam footage I watch and he won’t be topless with “hey /b, you like? 6.22.10” written on his tits. E! says…

Roughly an hour before the laughfest that is Jimmy Kimmel Live! was set to roll tape last night, a power outage cut off the studio’s electricity, rendering lights, cameras and mics and made any sense of professional television completely obsolete.
So what did Kimmel do?
He grabbed his laptop and shot the entire hour on his webcam.
“We had a power outage at the studio tonight,” he tweeted. “No one was killed. Shot the whole show on my MacBook. It will air tomorrow night instead.”
Guests on the lo-fi show include the ever game Seth Rogen, Wipeout’s John Henson and country crooner Dierks Bentley, who improvised by changing his set into an acoustic performance.

When Leno heard about this he instantly shut down all his power too and then filmed his show on a Dell Inspiron, thus making it a completely new and original idea. Then he added some OJ references and implied that President Bush wasn’t very smart, and another perfect Tonight Show was on the books.

leno has lower ratings than conan did

By brendon June 22, 2010 @ 12:18 PM


When NBC fired Conan O’Brien, they said his numbers sucked and Letterman was beating him and they were losing money. So they replaced him with Jay Leno. The bad news is that Leno gets even lower numbers than Conan did. The badder news is that Lenos comeback numbers have dropped and now he doesn’t beat Letterman either. So if NBC’s plan was to piss away 200 million dollars on a complete clusterfuck, mission accomplished!

For the first week since Jay Leno’s Tonight Show return, he was tied by David Letterman’s Late Show, as both shows averaged a 0.9 adults 18-49 rating for the week of June 7-11. Coming off a week of repeats for both shows, Leno fell a tenth of a point and Letterman gained two tenths.

Conans biggest problem may have been that he started too great. His debut had 2.3 million viewers. Lenos comeback debut had 1.5. So when both settled in to a normal range (of a million or so), Conans drop was more dramatic. TV by the numbers has two charts, and the first shows Conan vs Leno in the same sequential weeks of their run as host, and it shows that Conan has had better numbers for a month now.

That put Leno’s Tonight Show two tenths of a ratings point below Conan O’Brien’s Tonight Show, comparing the ratings for each show’s fifteenth week.
(Leno) was 0.6 ratings points below the same calendar week of Conan’s Tonight Show ratings last summer.

Sources say NBC executives are taking the news is stride, and by that I mean they’re hopelessly lost and confused. One of them tried to fuck a dog the other day.