Monday morning headlines

By brendon August 23, 2010 @ 1:32 AM

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JENNIFER ANISTON – bombed again this weekend. Her movie ‘The Switch’ opened in 8th place. The chart above is her box office bio. Take out ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’ (which was an ensemble), ‘Marley and Me’ (which stared an adorable puppy, based on those popular Contennelle commercials), and ‘Bruce Almighty’ (which stared Jim Carey in his prime), and she’s only had one hit. Ever. I could charge people to watch my Girls With Big Tits screen saver and make more than ‘Management’. (box office mojo)

WYCLEF JEAN – says he is still fighting to get on the ballot for Haitis presidential election. Though no reason was given to explain why his initial application was rejected, under Haitian law a presidential candidate must have lived in the country for five consecutive years leading up to the election. “When the fuck did this shithole get laws,” Wyclef probably said. (popeater)

JAY LENO – is no favorite of mine, but he performed for free at the Beau Rivage Casino in Biloxi Saturday night and raised $90,336 for Gulf Coast residents effected by the BP oil spill. Then on top of that he chipped in some of his own money to make it an even $100,000. It obviously helped to have such a big star perform in Biloxi. Normally the headliner is a guy named Cooter who can wiggle his ears. (ap)

SHAUNA SAND – walked around Miami in a bikini this weekend, and if you wanted to see that for some inexplicable reason, here you go. (inf daily)

conan was nominated for an emmy. jay leno however…

By brendon July 08, 2010 @ 1:39 PM

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As everyone knows, NBC fired Conan O’Brien as host of the Tonight Show after just a few months and then gave the job back to Jay Leno. Essentially NBC pissed away 200 million dollars while making Leno look like an asshole, and then re-hired him.

His ratings have dropped every week since his return, and 3 weeks ago his ratings actually fell below Conans at a comparable point (more). The audience has now dropped from 5 million viewers last year to 4 million this year, the lowest ratings since 1992 (variety). For a more visual example, just picture Eric Claptons kid. That’s what Leno’s ratings look like.

But at least that’s all in the past and NBC doesn’t have to relive their mistake anymore. Wouldn’t you agree, Popeater?

‘The Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien’ earned its first and only Emmy nomination this morning.
Conan will compete against ‘The Colbert Report,’ ‘The Daily Show,’ ‘Real Time With Bill Maher’ and ‘Saturday Night Live’ in the Outstanding Variety, Music or Comedy Series category.
‘The Tonight Show With Jay Leno’ was not nominated, although NBC submitted Leno’s work, while O’Brien’s own people submitted his.

Granted this is no badge of honor for Conan either. Being nominated alongside SNL is nothing short of embarrassing. You could have more fun getting your dick caught in a zipper for 90 minutes.

tonights kimmel was filmed on a mac book

By brendon June 22, 2010 @ 4:41 PM

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Speaking of Seth Rogen, he’ll be a guest tonight on Jimmy Kimmel, which is noteworthy because the show was filmed entirely on Kimmels Mac Book. Hopefully it won’t be like the other webcam footage I watch and he won’t be topless with “hey /b, you like? 6.22.10” written on his tits. E! says…

Roughly an hour before the laughfest that is Jimmy Kimmel Live! was set to roll tape last night, a power outage cut off the studio’s electricity, rendering lights, cameras and mics and made any sense of professional television completely obsolete.
So what did Kimmel do?
He grabbed his laptop and shot the entire hour on his webcam.
“We had a power outage at the studio tonight,” he tweeted. “No one was killed. Shot the whole show on my MacBook. It will air tomorrow night instead.”
Guests on the lo-fi show include the ever game Seth Rogen, Wipeout’s John Henson and country crooner Dierks Bentley, who improvised by changing his set into an acoustic performance.

When Leno heard about this he instantly shut down all his power too and then filmed his show on a Dell Inspiron, thus making it a completely new and original idea. Then he added some OJ references and implied that President Bush wasn’t very smart, and another perfect Tonight Show was on the books.

leno has lower ratings than conan did

By brendon June 22, 2010 @ 12:18 PM

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When NBC fired Conan O’Brien, they said his numbers sucked and Letterman was beating him and they were losing money. So they replaced him with Jay Leno. The bad news is that Leno gets even lower numbers than Conan did. The badder news is that Lenos comeback numbers have dropped and now he doesn’t beat Letterman either. So if NBC’s plan was to piss away 200 million dollars on a complete clusterfuck, mission accomplished!

For the first week since Jay Leno’s Tonight Show return, he was tied by David Letterman’s Late Show, as both shows averaged a 0.9 adults 18-49 rating for the week of June 7-11. Coming off a week of repeats for both shows, Leno fell a tenth of a point and Letterman gained two tenths.

Conans biggest problem may have been that he started too great. His debut had 2.3 million viewers. Lenos comeback debut had 1.5. So when both settled in to a normal range (of a million or so), Conans drop was more dramatic. TV by the numbers has two charts, and the first shows Conan vs Leno in the same sequential weeks of their run as host, and it shows that Conan has had better numbers for a month now.

That put Leno’s Tonight Show two tenths of a ratings point below Conan O’Brien’s Tonight Show, comparing the ratings for each show’s fifteenth week.
(Leno) was 0.6 ratings points below the same calendar week of Conan’s Tonight Show ratings last summer.

Sources say NBC executives are taking the news is stride, and by that I mean they’re hopelessly lost and confused. One of them tried to fuck a dog the other day.

did conan screw over george lopez? no.

By brendon April 12, 2010 @ 4:14 PM

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When NBC approached Jay Leno about doing a 30 minute show at 11:30 and bumping ‘the Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien’ to 12:05 (note to nbc: it’s not exactly “tonight” at that point anymore, is it?), Jay did the honorable thing and asked if Conan was ok with the move. But then it turns out Conan wasn’t okay with the move, and Leno just did it anyway because he’s a piece of shit.

So why would Conan essentially do the exact same thing to George Lopez? Well, he wouldn’t. TMZ says…

…the idea of bringing Conan to TBS was hatched by Turner’s entertainment chief Steve Koonin.  We’re told Koonin went to George Lopez and said he would only approach Conan if George gave his blessing.  We’re told George immediately figured out that having Conan as an 11:00 PM lead-in would be nothing short of amazing for a midnight show.?With Lopez on board, we’re told Koonin then approached Conan with the idea.  Conan’s first reaction — he didn’t want to do to someone else what was done to him,  referring to NBC’s decision to blindside Conan. Koonin told Conan that George had signed off, but Conan wanted to make sure.  George then called Conan to reassure him he was on board and thought they would be great partners.?As for why Conan chose TBS …. the average age of a “Lopez Tonight” viewer is 33, decades younger than the other late-night shows.  TBS is the future … so thought Conan.

Actually that’s almost half the age of a Leno viewer (average age: 56). This might explain NBC’s “in living color” motto. Color TV is still a novelty to people who watch NBC, but they like it. They also agree that blacks shouldn’t be allowed to vote, and for fun they shake their fist across the Atlantic at the Kaiser. The new late night NBC motto should be, “Now with 50 percent less of those dirty Irish”.

(EDITORS NOTE: I assume when someone sees the words “Conan O’Brien”, they know who that refers to. So I don’t really see the point in having a hundred pictures of the guy. So instead here’s 54 pictures of hot girls photographing themselves in the mirror, often naked, thus making your online experience more exciting!)

Read more >

conan is moving to tbs

By brendon April 12, 2010 @ 2:07 PM

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Ever since the dimwitted inbreds at NBC fired Conan O’Brien and replaced him with lying scumbag Jay Leno, it’s been assumed he would eventually move over to Fox and go head-to-head with Leno at 11:30. But Fox is also run by idiots (I hate you), so Conan fans weren’t real happy about that either. Luckily…

(Conan) is joining TBS to host a late-night show that is expected to debut in November. O’Brien’s show will be followed on TBS’ schedule by George Lopez’s “Lopez Tonight,” which will move to midnight.
“In three months I’ve gone from network television to Twitter to performing live in theater, and now I’m headed to basic cable,” O’Brien said in the statement. “My plan is working perfectly.”

Well I think Conan is being sarcastic but this seems like a really good fit. NBC sucks. No one watches that shit. Seriously, their motto is, “Brought to you in living color”. Their shows are so shitty the nicest thing they can think to say is that at least they’re not in black and white. That’s like someone showing you a picture of their stupid baby and all you can think to compliment is the hat it’s wearing. “Oh, it’s a stork with a football. That’s … that’s great.” NBC’s motto might as well be, “This channel is free”.