Jay Z And Beyonce Are Just Normal Parents

By Travis March 11, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

Beyonce and Jay Z took a little break from the former’s European concerts for some play time in Dublin yesterday with their daughter, Blue Ivy, because they’re just normal parents who want a good life for their child. Of course, while most kids her age are hanging out in pre-school or daycare while their parents are hard at work to keep the middle class from vanishing, Blue Ivy is being pampered on private jets and staying in the fanciest hotels across the world. That’s the breaks that a kid born into the Illuminati gets these days, though, and the rest of your unimportant children are going to have to accept that when Blue eventually takes over the world and forces them all to sacrifice their blood to the one true moon devil. But at least it will be absolutely darling when she does.

Photo Credits: WENN.com

Jay Z Not Going To Be Kanye’s Best Man

By Jack March 10, 2014 @ 5:58 PM

Jay Z won’t be Kanye West’s best man at his wedding this coming May. Kanye asked Jay Z to stand at his side while he intentionally fucks up his life and marries the world’s most notorious money-crazed hooker. But Mr. Z and his wife Beyoncé refuse to appear on Keeping Up With The Kardashians because either it’s beneath them or they couldn’t agree on a price to make it not so beneath them. E! has offered to pick up the multimillion dollar bill for the expensive French wedding if they are allowed to shoot the whole thing for the network and the show. It’s just good for tampon sales. But Beyoncé isn’t having it. So, is it more important for Kanye to have his best friend stand by his side at his wedding or to be on his fiancee’s whore slobbering TV show? We all know the answer. An  over-blown publicity stunt like Kim’s seventh wedding televised for the credulous morons that worship the Kardashians is too much for a mass media whore like Kanye West to pass up. That’s just street. Wait, I think backing your man is street and selling out to your skeevy booty call is not- street. I can never keep this shit straight.

Jay Z Is Getting Too Old For This Shit

By Travis March 06, 2014 @ 10:00 AM

All the virgin sacrifices and Illuminati pagan blood rituals in the world can’t change the fact that Jay Z isn’t the young man that he used to be, which is probably why he looked a little tired and grumpy last night after hanging out at the Arts Club in London. Beyonce, on the other hand, looked ready to party even as they left, which is amazing considering she had also performed earlier that night. It just goes to show that when you’re two of the wealthiest people in show business, a good night’s sleep and a full diet of stem cells and placenta milkshakes will keep you looking young and rejuvenated while the rest of us poor assholes die in the streets as they step over our diseased corpses.

Photo Credits: WENN.com

Jay Z And Beyonce Spend Six-Large On Sex Toys

By Jack December 30, 2013 @ 2:02 PM

Jay Z and Beyonce celebrated the release of her new album by dropping $6,000 on dildos and buttplugs at a New York sex shop. It all went down at a chic Lower East Side rubber cock emporium called Babeland. The two apparently went in there and stocked up on vibrating eggs and nipple clamps for the vegan romantic interest in your life. Still, six grand seems like a might tough tally at a sex toy shop. I went to Babeland once, (for um…a friend), and though it’s a little pricier than normal it’s not THAT expensive. What, did they buy a bunch of golden dildos? A source says,

“They didn’t buy anything tacky or too extreme. It was all top-of-the-line stuff. Some of it was even gold-plated!”

Okay, so they did. I guess when you’re successful enough, you just start shoving precious metals up your ying-yang because depositing cash in the bank is no longer thrill enough. At some point an E.R. doctor will be asked to remove the Hope Diamond wedged into Beyonce’s chunnel. Maybe that’s when you start asking for help.

Jay Z Goes Plant Based

By Lex December 05, 2013 @ 10:38 AM

Beyonce and Jay Z Go Shopping At Barney's In New York
Jay-Z has taken on the 22 day vegan challenge. Only he’s calling it ‘plant based diet’ instead of vegan because that’s what Jay-Z does. He tinkers with phrasing to mean the exact same thing then people throw money at him. For Jay-Z, this isn’t so much about evacuating his bowels as it is the spirituality of numbers. He turned 44 on December 3 when he began the 22-day challenge. 22 is half of 44 by Jay-Z’s calculations. His 22-day challenge will natural end on Christmas, the birth of Christ. You know how big rappers love them some self-Christ identification. Jay-Z is one of the many people in this world who are into the mysticism of numbers. There tends to be a strong correlation between these numbers diddlers and schizophrenia, delusion, and smelling like long-past-due dairy products. The good news for Jay-Z is that he’s so rich, when he starts wearing tin foil hats and making Beyonce piss on him to keep him undetectable by the inter-dimensional marauders, he’ll have the luxury of being called eccentric. Enjoy your quinoa salad, original gangster.

Photo Credit: WENN

Jay Z And Justin Timberlake Paid Tribute To Trayvon Martin (VIDEO)

By Travis July 22, 2013 @ 10:00 AM






Jay Z and Beyoncé spent Saturday in New York City protesting the verdict in the George Zimmerman case with Trayvon Martin’s mom and, of course, the Reverend Al Sharpton, whose radar for TV cameras and celebrity photo opportunities is sharper than ever. Jay Z and Beyoncé have apparently been very focused on the aftermath of the trial, as Mrs. Carter dedicated a song to the deceased teenager last weekend and Jay and Justin Timberlake did the same at their show at Yankee Stadium on Friday night.

And someone in the crowd probably still booed and shouted, “Go Red Sox!”