Jay Z Might’ve Made a 21-Year Old Baby

By Lex February 20, 2015 @ 10:04 AM

Jay-Z-And-His-Maybe-Love-Child
If you believe Jay Z’s lyrics, he banged a bunch of bitches on the way up. If you believe his attorneys, he doesn’t live in any of his three homes in New Jersey and therefore doesn’t need to comply with a Jersey court order to provide a DNA sample to see if he’s the dad of a 21-year old whose mom he barebacked about this kid’s age plus nine months ago. You can’t blame a kid for wanting to know who his real father is when his real father is worth half a billion and could hook him up with some sweet rides and high class pussy. It’s one thing to be the son of a loose woman from Jersey, it’s another to be Jay Z’s kid. There have been rumored payoffs in the past to keep other offspring from popping up while magazines continue to pretend the stripper baby Blue Ivy is something of a lineage novelty. If this paternity claim turns out to be true, it could very well cost Jay Z in his marriage to Beyonce. I’d estimate that cost at about one Vanessa Bryant ring plus ten percent. I don’t care how rich you get, it’s got to irk you that every chick you nailed in your 20′s is now costing you a suitcase filled with cash.

Photo credit: Google Plus/Getty Images

Broner Apologizes On Behalf Of Self (VIDEO)

By Matt January 13, 2015 @ 7:04 AM

Boxing sucks. I had not idea Adrien Broner existed let alone owned a few belts. Apparently the Russians are still watching this shit while they prepare to saw off some guy’s arm for not paying his rent. Enough so that Jay Z’s sports agency offered Broner a 5 year $40 million contract and he rejected it. Then he went on a rant against Jay Z and his signed music artist Rihanna which he can most definitely blame on his encephalopothy:

“Jay Z can suck my dick with an elephant tongue… Man, fuck Rihanna. No disrespect, at the end of the day, she gonna give me some pussy and that’s it.”

Probably. Broner has now apologized because that was apparently his best offer. Also someone told him to and he does what he’s told:

“You never invite another man to another man’s private parts. That’s just ridiculous. I was caught up in the moment and I want to apologize to Jay for that. I’m a man at the end of the day. I’m wrong and I can admit when I’m wrong. I never should have said ‘Forget Rihanna.’ I said it in a more explicit way. I’m wrong, I’m sorry. If Jay wants to talk to me, you can get in touch with me and we can talk about it.”

I’m pretty sure street justice involves Jay Z not calling you back. You should have been grateful he even cares about your sport because I know he doesn’t need the money and he’s probably not looking for the headache. Next time someone offers you tens of millions go ahead and take it before they understand their bad decision. Boxing hasn’t been popular since the 80′s and with the price of inflation you just fucking blew it.

Beyonce and Jay Z Greet the Future King and Queen of England

By Lex December 09, 2014 @ 1:13 PM

The Duke And Duchess Of Cambridge Prince William And Catherine Meet Beyonce And Jay Z At A Brooklyn Nets Game
The royals of England came and met with the Beyonce and Jay Z to discuss such things as how best to garage your fleet of Bentleys during the snowy season and a brief but telling trivia contest on how little each knew about the current whereabouts of their children. The meeting itself court-side at the Brooklyn Nets game was fairly brief, but served the purpose of allowing the British monarchs to be seen with important black figureheads in America without having to fake smile through another insufferable Obama dinner. Prince William once more was forced to fire his wardrobe chief for failing miserably at making him blend in at a commoners event.

Photo Credit: Splash

Jay Z’s Weakness Is Vanity

By Matt November 06, 2014 @ 8:24 AM

Champ

Jay Z has made a name for himself solely off telling people he is rich. Even since the days when he thought a single comma in his bank account was a lot of money and his investment portfolio contained late model pit bulls it was all he rapped or talked about. He’s now turning the corner into Donald Trump territory where you can’t help but wonder if he has any real interests besides proving his point. Jay just bought out the Ace of Spades champagne label. Its actually called Armand de Brignac and the Ace of Spades is just the logo, but the people who buy it don’t know that which is a good indication you shouldn’t be spending $300 dollars for a bottle you couldn’t taste test from Korbel. Look for Jay Z to accumulate large amounts of symbolic wealth, for at least one of this kids to become a spiteful transgender, and for him to die alone in his megalith with a tear dripping down his eye muttering about Rosebuds, Louis Vuittons or cheesedick champagne labels.

Photo Credit: ArmanddeBrignac.com

Beyonce Takes Selfies At the Louvre

By Lex October 15, 2014 @ 11:16 AM

Beyonce Shows Off New Bangs In TIght Shorts Also Visits The Lourve With Family
Say what you want about the so-called masterpieces, they’ve got nothing on Beyonce. Fuck yeah you are the most important piece available to be seen at the Louvre. I’ve been. The Mona Lisa is a tiny framed portrait of a chick who even back in the Renaissance had to be considered a four, a seven maybe after mead. The rest of the works are just naked dudes in oil paintings, or naked dudes in actual oil if you visit the haute French bars surrounding the museum and ask for the Travolta. If Davinci and Jacque Louis David were alive today, they’d be rendering Beyonce on a clam shell while Jay Z banged their art house girl assistants in the hay loft. Beyonce’s selfie work is saving us the effort of flying to France and being judged. Egomaniacal doesn’t have to be a negative.

Photo Credit: Beyonce

Beyonce And Jay Z Are Living A Lie And Shit Around The Web

By Jack August 25, 2014 @ 12:55 PM

blue-ivy-jay-z-and-beyonce

Beyonce did her best at last night’s VMAs to dispel rumors that she and Jay Z both wish they were fucking somebody else at night. They were all snuggly and used their stripper named baby as a prop for their lies. Let it go, B.

Read all about Jay Z and Beyonce’s brave face. (Dlisted)

Selena Gomez forgot her bra and showed the heap of sideboob. (Popoholic)

Laura Cremaschi and her ass went to the beach. (Hollywood Tuna)

Are Ireland Baldwin And Angel Haze flicking each other’s beans? (Huffington Post)

Let’s talk about Taylor Swift’s sweet ass at the VMAs. (The Superficial)

Elsa Hosk shows off her Swedish bottom for an Italian magazine. (Drunken Stepfather)

Some genius is making a documentary about the old Nintendo Powerglove. (COED)

(Photo Via MTV)