George Zimmerman Says Jay-Z Is Gator Chow

December 19, 2017 | celebrity | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

 

The once neighborhood watch captain truly believes he’s some sicario now. After being acquitted of the murder of one African-American he wants to feed another one to alligators. Can’t we all just get along? 

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Jay-Z Is Only Love In An Elevator From Now On

October 6, 2017 | celebrity | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

With sister-in-laws you either want to fondle them or fight them. There’s no in-between. Just a perpetual lust or loathe relationship until you eventually get divorced.

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Jay Z Laments His Menage in 4:44 Album

June 30, 2017 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

You have to credit Jay Z with providing he and his wife’s audience and the broader consumer public exactly what they want. With a straight face, unashamedly, we now own $300 million worth of homes in Bel Air, honey, if you’re wondering why we do this.

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Jay Z Makes Songwriters Hall Of Fame

February 23, 2017 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Do you actually know anyone who’s been to a Hall of Fame of any kind? Sounds really fucking lame. You get a pass if you’re in Cleveland because what else is there to do. Same with Cooperstown.

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Beyonce In Vitro

February 2, 2017 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Remember when twins were a novelty and not an indicator that you’re in the one percent? Perhaps if your body doesn’t want you to have kids you could raise in a cave, you shouldn’t have kids.

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World Toilet Day Was Full Of Winners

November 21, 2016 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Saturday was World Toilet Day. If you missed it don’t be alarmed, any worthy cause would be scheduled for a weekday. World Toilet Day’s mission was to bring awareness about all the people around the world who don’t have access to a toilet. This encompasses some 2.4 billion people, most of whom live in New Mexico.

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Amy Schumer Called To Task for Plantation Yucks (VIDEO)

October 25, 2016 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Eventually, the politically correct eat their own. It’s the Hungry Hungry Hippos Theory of self-righteous consumption. If the process happened with any expediency, the snowflakes would melt faster than they’re falling. It’s not. The drifts are growing.

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Beyonce Fans Lousy With the Rage

April 26, 2016 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Beyonce released her Lemonade album via an HBO special over the weekend. The songs, written by Beyonce  with an assist from sixty-seven of her literate music industry friends listed in four-point font in the credits, focused heavily on angry songs about marital infidelity. It can’t feel good to be the husband in that situation, just trying […]

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Jay Z And Kanye’s Contract Riders Are Bratty And Shit Around The Web

November 3, 2015 | crap around the web | editor| 0 Comments

Jay Z and Kanye West’s contract riders for when they stay at a hotel came out and boy are they fucking divas. They require expensive alcohol, cylindrical vases, and discontinued speakers for their music. Remember when rappers just asked for forties and white women with fat asses? That was pure. Read about the rest of […]

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Jay Z False Promises And Shit Around The Web

May 20, 2015 | crap around the web | editor| 0 Comments

Performance artist, a polite term for unemployed girls who put out, Marina Abramovic claims Jay Z promised to open an art institute so she can teach her “craft” if she appeared in one of his videos. He didn’t. You just got fucked by Jay Z and you’re not even getting an anchor baby. Boo. Read […]

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