By Travis March 06, 2014 @ 10:00 AM
All the virgin sacrifices and Illuminati pagan blood rituals in the world can’t change the fact that Jay Z isn’t the young man that he used to be, which is probably why he looked a little tired and grumpy last night after hanging out at the Arts Club in London. Beyonce, on the other hand, looked ready to party even as they left, which is amazing considering she had also performed earlier that night. It just goes to show that when you’re two of the wealthiest people in show business, a good night’s sleep and a full diet of stem cells and placenta milkshakes will keep you looking young and rejuvenated while the rest of us poor assholes die in the streets as they step over our diseased corpses.
Photo Credits: WENN.com
By Jack December 30, 2013 @ 2:02 PM
Jay Z and Beyonce celebrated the release of her new album by dropping $6,000 on dildos and buttplugs at a New York sex shop. It all went down at a chic Lower East Side rubber cock emporium called Babeland. The two apparently went in there and stocked up on vibrating eggs and nipple clamps for the vegan romantic interest in your life. Still, six grand seems like a might tough tally at a sex toy shop. I went to Babeland once, (for um…a friend), and though it’s a little pricier than normal it’s not THAT expensive. What, did they buy a bunch of golden dildos? A source says,
“They didn’t buy anything tacky or too extreme. It was all top-of-the-line stuff. Some of it was even gold-plated!”
Okay, so they did. I guess when you’re successful enough, you just start shoving precious metals up your ying-yang because depositing cash in the bank is no longer thrill enough. At some point an E.R. doctor will be asked to remove the Hope Diamond wedged into Beyonce’s chunnel. Maybe that’s when you start asking for help.
By Lex December 05, 2013 @ 10:38 AM
Jay-Z has taken on the 22 day vegan challenge. Only he’s calling it ‘plant based diet’ instead of vegan because that’s what Jay-Z does. He tinkers with phrasing to mean the exact same thing then people throw money at him. For Jay-Z, this isn’t so much about evacuating his bowels as it is the spirituality of numbers. He turned 44 on December 3 when he began the 22-day challenge. 22 is half of 44 by Jay-Z’s calculations. His 22-day challenge will natural end on Christmas, the birth of Christ. You know how big rappers love them some self-Christ identification. Jay-Z is one of the many people in this world who are into the mysticism of numbers. There tends to be a strong correlation between these numbers diddlers and schizophrenia, delusion, and smelling like long-past-due dairy products. The good news for Jay-Z is that he’s so rich, when he starts wearing tin foil hats and making Beyonce piss on him to keep him undetectable by the inter-dimensional marauders, he’ll have the luxury of being called eccentric. Enjoy your quinoa salad, original gangster.
Photo Credit: WENN
By Travis July 22, 2013 @ 10:00 AM
Jay Z and Beyoncé spent Saturday in New York City protesting the verdict in the George Zimmerman case with Trayvon Martin’s mom and, of course, the Reverend Al Sharpton, whose radar for TV cameras and celebrity photo opportunities is sharper than ever. Jay Z and Beyoncé have apparently been very focused on the aftermath of the trial, as Mrs. Carter dedicated a song to the deceased teenager last weekend and Jay and Justin Timberlake did the same at their show at Yankee Stadium on Friday night.
And someone in the crowd probably still booed and shouted, “Go Red Sox!”
By Travis July 11, 2013 @ 11:00 AM
Robert De Niro allegedly got pissy with Jay-Z last year at a party, because he was upset that the rapper didn’t return his phone calls about God knows what. De Niro reportedly talked down to Jay like a child in front of a bunch of other wealthy people and mutual friends, and if it had happened about 10 years earlier, we probably would have been watching De Niro in the Academy Awards “In Memoriam” segment.
But Jay-Z is too famous and rich to be having A-list actors taken care of these days, so he just went on New York’s Power 105.1 to basically admit that he doesn’t like De Niro because he didn’t bow down at the altar of HOV and kiss his ass.
By Jack July 05, 2013 @ 12:07 PM
Jay-Z decided to reveal the art for his new album Magna Carta Holy Grail by displaying it publicly at Salisbury Cathedral in England…next to the real Magna Carta. In case you were asleep that day in history class, the Magna Carta is a document that a group of British nobles forced King John to sign in 1215 effectively limiting sovereign power and laying the groundwork for the eventual rise of democracy. Jay-Z figured a good way to promote album sales was to display his own god-blessed musical work next to a priceless historical artifact. The trust at Salisbury Cathedral signed off on that shit because they knew they’d get more visitors. History is a business too.
t’s a good thing that Jay-Z doesn’t know where the cave where the old knight is guarding the Holy Grail is or he’d have dropped his record there too. Maybe he’d choose poorly and pour Cristal in the wrong chalice and melt his face off. Then Beyonce would be single and the baby she made some other girl make for her would be fatherless.