Playboy’s 2008 Playmate of the Year Jayde Nicole celebrated her 24th birthday this weekend, and even though she looks way way better with no clothes on (under the cut), she still looked fantastic in this ridiculous dress and a crown. This must be how rich people live. I think she got bigger implants too. Her breasts look twice as big as they were before, meaning she’s twice as wonderful.
(source = pacific coast and playboy cyber club)
Everyone knows that law enforcement in Los Angeles is completely inept, with their incompetence surpassed only by their laziness, but today it soared to dangerously worthless new heights. Despite being able to watch the crime take place on videotape (here), the DA will not file any charges against anyone, not even Joe Francis, after he grabbed Jayde Nicole by her hair and threw her to the ground.
According to the report, the D.A. supports Joe’s claims that the surveillance video shows that Jayde “appears to have acted without immediate provocation.”
What. In the fuck. Does that mean? “Bitch had it comin”? She poured a drink on him so it’s okay for him to beat her ass? Who’s the DA, Chris Brown?
In conclusion, the D.A. thought “the interests of justice do not support the filing of criminal charges against any of the three suspects.”
A guy walked up behind a woman, grabbed her by the hair, then threw her to the ground. That’s littering at the very least. The cops and DAs in LA are so god damn lazy and stupid it’s terrifying. You can literally watch someone commit a violent crime and nothing is going to be done about it. It would be one thing if Jayde was unattractive, because ugly people aren’t as important or valuable as sexy people like me and Jayde, but she’s gorgeous. Just look at these shorts. And she wears stuff like this all the time. She’s like a beer commercial come to life.
(image source = flynet)
As this video from radar online clearly shows, on August 28th of this year, scumbag Joe Francis stepped up behind perfect angel Jayde Nicole, grabbed her by the hair then flung her to the ground. After that it’s hard to see much, but Jayde - who works with pediatric cancer patients in her spare time - says the pornographer Francis punched and kicked her while she was on the ground.
Why would Joe Francis do this? Well because Jayde was on a murderous rampage and Joes life was at risk. Ah yes of course.
Francis claims he was innocently walking through a crowd of people at “Guys and Dolls” nightclub in Hollywood, when Playboy Playmate Jayde Nicole suddenly struck him in the head, threw a drink on him and stated, “I’m going to kill you!”
Francis claims he was “startled and shocked” — but then he saw Jayde reaching for a bottle. In the docs, Francis claims “in fear and apprehension of being struck a third time and that Nicole was going to carry out her threat to kill him,” Joe grabbed Nicole’s hair in “self-defense.”
Joe claims Nicole fell to the ground — but only because she “lost her balance on her high heels.”
I wish there was some way to determine if Joe was telling the truth. Like a lie-detector test, but more reliable. I think a procedure called “Hit Joe Francis With A Baseball Bat” might work. Essentially, you take a baseball bat, then you hit Joe Francis with it. Then you ask him why he attacked Jayde like that. Of course, this sort of thing wouldn’t be admissible in court, not with all the pussies we have in the government these days.
The attorney for Joe Francis must be from one of those countries where they chop out a womans clitoris when she turns 11 or push them in volcanoes to make it rain, and he’ll be all set if he can get Joe’s assault trial moved there. Otherwise this may be the dumbest defense strategy in the history of anything ever.
Joe Francis acted in self-defense when he grabbed Jayde Nicole’s hair and violently yanked her off a bar stool and dragged her along the floor, his lawyer says.
“The footage clearly shows Nicole instigating the incident, waiting to hit Francis in the back of the head and then pour her drink down his back, thereby committing two counts of battery on Francis,” says a press release quoting Francis lawyer Cyrus Nownejad. He also points out that because the tape has no audio you can’t hear Jayde screaming “I’m going to kill you” at Francis.
“My client grabbed Nicole’s hair in self-defense to restrain her from further assaults against him and to protect himself against her horrendous threat.”
Let’s read that last one again.
“My client grabbed Nicole’s hair in self-defense to restrain her from further assaults against him and to protect himself against her horrendous threat.”
It must have taken superhuman strength for Joe to overcome his injuries and find the courage to grab a 100 pound model by her hair and drag her across the floor. Sure she had her back to him, but that’s just the point. She was facing the bar. She’d already poured 1oz of vodka on his back, now she was reloading. Now we’re up to a quarter-cup, and that’s IF there’s no ice. He could have drowned. His quick thinking saved his life, pretty much.
MEGAN FOX - yesterday there was the Megan-Fox-girl-kissing scene from ‘Jennifers Body’, now comes the famous Megan-Fox-getting-out-of-the-water-naked scene. And it’s terrific. They shot it perfectly. So Sexy. There’s really nothing I would have done differently.
JOE FRANCIS - is being sued for a million dollars by Jayde Nicole, the girl he beat up in a bar in August. Jayde says she suffered a “black eye, swollen face, bruised ribs, a sore and bruised abdomen region, bruised arms and legs, ripped out hair along with utter emotional distress and humiliation and she claims she suffered permanent disability.” I get everything but “humiliation”. She dates Brody Jenner. How much pride could she really have? (radar)
LILY ALLEN - says she is done making music. “Just so you know, I have not renegotiated my record contract and have no plans to make another record.” Luckily she says this kind of thing all the time. She’s awesome, but very emotional. The type who would try to kill herself by holding her breath. (the sun)
RANDY QUAID - has been arrested in Marfa, Texas for that hotel bill thing, but they didn’t go down easy. “there was a struggle and deputies had to wrestle Evi to the ground as she screamed loudly … Randy assaulted (deputies) physically and verbally and resisted arrest.” They will now be extradited to Santa Barbara, which actually sounds really relaxing. (tmz)
KANYE WEST – has apologized to Taylor Swift again but tonight he can do it on TV because he’s a guest on the new Jay Leno show. Kanye is only scheduled as a musical guest, but it would be hard to not mention last night. Of course Kanye will probably take the microphone and yell at everyone so Jays questions won’t really matter anyway. (ap)
WHITNEY HOUSTON – tells Oprah that Bobby Brown once spit in her face. No one likes a tattle-tale Whitney. (ny daily news)
BRITNEY SPEARS - saw a male model named Bekim Trenova in a magazine and decided he should be her boyfriend, so she faked an audition for one of her videos. When he arrived there was no camera crew, just Britney. “But Bekim found the whole thing ‘weird’ and made a polite but excuse ridden escape.” That’s why my fake production office is surrounded by a wall of fire. (ny daily news)
JAYDE NICOLE - Hef may be (is) 1900 years old, but his penises decision making is mint condition. Jayde Nicole is awesome, like a discount Megan Fox, and this months Playmate (Kimberly Phillips – nsfw pic and centerfold) is even hotter. Point being, Jayde hit Miami Beach today with her family but without her dumbass boyfriend. In fact they haven’t been together in almost a week. Don’t worry Jayde, I get the message. Loud and clear. You want me to kill Brody Jenner. I’m way ahead of you.
(10 more pictures here. hq jump here. source = splash news online)
