Jen Selter Might Make Out With Her Mom

By Matt February 20, 2015 @ 7:39 AM

Selter

Butt selfie guru and future Nation of Islam prophet Jen Selter posted a photo of her and her hot mom about to make out and bump mounds. At least that’s what they want you to think. A daughter and mom making out is weird if you have to see them at the bake sale. All good if you can close the browser. Indeed real world incest is repulsive yet dominated much of 1970′s era pornography. Clearly there’s a market for it. Incest is a nasty word. There are no uncles here. Just two sculpted hotties of varying age who share roughly half their DNA. It’s all about pushing the envelope. Selter is already testing patience by being known solely for posting her endoscopies. You don’t get to be Tom Cruise without sucking a few dicks. If you want to finally fly on an airplane it’s time to amp things up. It’s a billion times less weird if you throw a dude in. In fact perfectly acceptable. Don’t be a prude. I promise not to talk a lot.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Jen Selter Doing Fine

By Matt February 02, 2015 @ 8:02 AM

JS

Jen Selter is a fitness guru credited with inventing the belfie, the butt selfie. She spends all day doing squats and taking pictures of her ass in between reading Dostoevsky’s later works. If may seem like a futile existence but realize when you get a car insurance quote there’s someone on the other end of the phone. People also pass out those free samples at Costco. Others shove a camera up their ass and click Post. I can’t blame them. Selter recently garnered sponsorship from Nike who has at least one employee who thinks he can get his dick into the belfie region. I’d take her out on the town for a five course kale and half a Miller 64 and then lay under that glass coffee table at the Marriott. I know what you’re thinking.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

 

Jen Selter Is Ruined

By Lex March 13, 2014 @ 2:51 PM

Jen Selter Photographed by Ruven Afanador For Vanity Fair In Brooklyn
Jen Selter is this Instagram famous model who everybody says has the perfect ass. I’m mot sure what the perfect ass is, but I’d like to think I’d know it when I felt it, right before the police were called and somebody made some accusation of unwanted touching. If you’re Vanity Fair and you get the chick with the perfect ass to do her first big legit photo shoot, the most important thing to consider is how to hide her ass beneath some idiotic costumery. Why not hire DaVinci and ask him to paint your fucking cupboards, you fatuous morons? Granted, I once did hire the local preschool teacher of the year to work my buddy’s bachelor party, but that’s more a statement on how we value teachers in our society than it is an excuse to cover up this model’s amazing ass. I’ve stopped reading Vanity Fair since they let Gwyneth Paltrow shitcan their expose on her being a cheating shitcan. I can’t read a magazine without principles unless it has pictures of naked women. Everybody needs a line in the sand.

Photo Credit: Ruven Afanador / Vanity Fair