Earlier this year, Jenna Jameson stood in front of reporters and accused Tito Ortiz of beating her up, even claiming he threw her into a bathtub and tore ligaments in her shoulder, but that was almost 2 weeks ago, and there’s no point in living in the past, so yesterday she and Tito held hands at the beach.

I always assumed she was lying, but if not this might explain why his UFC comeback got derailed. Because he tried to beat up a frail white girl with a sneak attack, and not only did he not finish her, she ended up giving him smooches on a romantic weekend in SoCal. That can’t really help his confidence.

(source = inf daily, pacific coast news)

Lying drama-queen Jenna Jameson was taken away in an ambulance last night, strapped down in a stretcher by an army of paramedics and then rushed to safety, because someone else had a tummy ache. Jenna was fine. There was nothing wrong with her. There was nothing wrong with anyone actually. But she was strapped into a stretcher as the paparazzi took pictures of it because an unrelated second party needed a sip of water. PopEater says…

Jameson was alone with one-year-old Journey when he became ill shortly after 11PM. She believed calling 911 for an ambulance was the appropriate action given the circumstances. Journey is one of Jameson’s two boys fathered by Tito Ortiz.
Journey was released a few hours after being hydrated by hospital staff. Doctors believe the boy is most likely suffering from the stomach flu.

I’d like to point out that she’s supporting her child with her right arm, the one Tito allegedly hurt. Anyway…

I got into an argument with a girl this weekend who said Jameson was telling the truth and Tito must have hit her because a woman would never lie about something this serious.

I could hardly believe my ears. Women love lying about things this serious. It’s when they’re happiest. All women are black hearted godless monsters, and they feed on (sales at Prada and) holding the threat of a 911 call filled with lies over men like it’s the sword of Damocles. Lying is fuel to them, like a giant evil robot who shovels childrens Christmas toys into a furnace in its stomach, and then it goes “RAWRR!” and smashes some shit.

If not for AIDS and redneck beatings, I bet gay guys would live to be hundreds of years old. 300, at least. Their lives would be a stress free utopia. This must be why gay guys are so comfortable on their knees, because they see the way women act and they drop down in praise several times a day to thank God for this wonderful gift.

EMAIL KNOW-IT-ALL UPDATE - I’m far too stuck up to ever admit I was wrong, but here’s a contrary opinion on why Jenna was strapped to a stretcher. Also, top medical experts now declare that Jenna Jameson is a dumb slut. Drew says, “i’m a paramedic in orange county … it’s actually our protocal to have the parent hold the kid, and put them both on the gurney. although a stomach ache call is basically bull shit and shes a big dumb slut, i just wanted to let you know it is protocal.”

(picture source = splash news online)

Two days ago Jenna Jameson claimed that Tito Ortiz, “threw me into the bathtub and tore two ligaments in my shoulder.” But now she says the rumors that Tito Ortiz assaulted her are being distorted. One person even claimed Tito threw Jenna into the bathtub and tore two ligaments in her shoulder.

Typical tabloid media. But whatever because now Jenna is taking it all back.

Jenna, who accused Tito of injuring her during an argument, now tells TMZ, “What actually happened has now been dramatically distorted and misinterpreted and remarks that both Tito and I made after the police arrived reflect the state of shock that we were both in.”  Translation — he didn’t hurt me.

Well gee no shit. Of course that bitch was lying. When Tito Ortiz punches you, you stay punched. You don’t go outside and give a press conference. Especially when you’re a 90 pound girl whose white blood cells are still gasping for air after 15 years in porn. If Tito hit her, she wouldn’t have died, she would have turned see-thru then floated up through the ceiling.

This post, which hints at the possibility that Jenna Jameson might struggle with her morality, could have also been called, “The Worlds Most Surprising Story.”
 

When we first saw Jenna last night — around 8 PM — she adamantly stated that Tito did not lay a hand on her. 
But a few hours later — around 10 PM — the story had changed … and Jenna repeatedly referred to Tito as a “wife beater.”
So what happened in the time span between her stories? Well, one minor thing — around 9:30 PM — Tito held a press conference in which the fighter claims he never touched her … and insinuated that Jenna’s injuries were the result of her alleged addiction to OxyContin.

Has anyone actually seen these “injuries”? I’ve been a medical doctor for over 35 years (note - maybe. you don’t know me.) and if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that if you don’t look injured, you’re not injured. Like the other day, on my rounds at the hospital, some guy said he had “lou keemia”. “You shut your mouth,” I yelled. And then I had security throw him out, when I added, “go sleep it off, rummy!” That guy was a real jerk!

When she was still in high school, Jenna Jameson used a pair of pliers to pull the braces off her teeth and made a fake ID to get a job as a stripper. She was doing so much coke, LSD and meth that at one point she weighed 76 pounds. Two years later she did her first hardcore porn scene, and chose the stage name “Jameson” for her favorite whiskey. At this point in our story she’s 19 years old. She did hardcore porn for about 15 years, but for the last few years she’s been mostly in the news for her shocking weight loss and bizarre plastic surgeries.

Oh but look. Under that bandage, her arm is covered with bruises because her boyfriend Tito Ortiz beat her up. For no reason. Just out of nowhere. They didn’t have a fight because she’s on drugs again, specifically oxycontin. No. No, I don’t think she would lie to us. She’s seems pretty level headed.