Tito Ortiz and I aren't as alike in as many ways as you might imagine. For example, I rarely see a duck and then auger my tongue into it's mouth. Also, I spend most of the day trying to keep my penis AWAY from diseased wombs that are basically killing chambers for a penis, whereas Tito drops it in and stirs it around. I tip my cap to you, brave sir.
If Jenna Jameson somehow finds a way to look any more like a duck, I'm gonna start throwing bread crumbs at her. But, I guess when you think about, isn't that what life is all about? It was according to my grandmother. "Life is all about looking like a duck", she used to say. Later on, we had her put down. That bitch was nuts.
I thought we did away with scurvy like 400 years ago but I guess not, because Jenna Jameson was seen in Malibu doing … whatever the hell this all is. I do give her points for confidence though because if I was a girl and I was built like a back scratcher, I would spend less time prancing around in bikinis and more time eating cookie dough until I gained enough weight to look mostly human. As it is now she looks like a duck. Don't get me wrong, I like ducks as much as the next little girl does, but I can count on one hand the times I've rented pornos about them.
picture source = PACIFIC COAST NEWS
In the past few months, XXX superstar Jenna Jameson has lost a disturbing amount of weight and she blames it on two things. One, her pending divorce has grown very nasty and increasingly public and two, she underwent a botched vaginoplasty, which could end up ruining her career. Now, all of her personal problems are effecting her relationship with her fans. The New York Post says:
Jameson has lost so much weight that she's almost unrecognizable and was a disappointment to fans at last weekend's Exxxotica convention in Miami Beach.
According to one insider, "She was contractually supposed to show up for a total of six hours in two days yet arrived late both days and blew off the event 45 minutes early on the second day of her appearance."
The source continued, "When fans openly asked her about her [botched surgery] and why she was so thin, her people cut them off. But she shouldn't be standing in front of an old photo of herself when she's about 40 pounds skinnier than she was."
The buxom blonde also refused interviews with the media - including CNN's Anderson Cooper. She left the event early with her martial-artist boyfriend, Tito Ortiz, when she saw that rival porn star Tera Patrick had a longer line of waiting fans than she did.
I've seen Jenna Jameson's vagina a thousand times, and never once did I think it needed a little work, but whatever, because now she's apparently ruined it. And she's right to freak out. Her entire life is based on her vagina. If she can't show it off for money, she's useless, she's basically a kangaroo now. She can use her vagina as a pouch to hold her keys or pens and stuff. Maybe her wallet and cell phone. And that actually sounds pretty useful. Stuff some running shoes and water bottles and towels in there and hit the gym. Pretty much whatever she might need, for work, home or on the go!
The Jenna Jameson biopic based on her memoir (the one she wanted Scarlett Johansson for) may be on hold, according to Rush & Molloy (second item):
Jameson has annoyed Hollywood heavyweights who want to turn her best-selling book, "How to Make Love Like a Porn Star," into a movie. "She hasn't been showing up for meetings" with a major production company interested in "Porn Star," a source claims. But Jameson should be forgiven. Our source says the gorgeous blond, who has to look good from head to toe professionally, has had a little work done "down there" - and is not pleased with it.
"She underwent a vaginoplasty at a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon, and she is very unhappy," said the source, who added, in perhaps an unfortunate choice of words, "she has decided to hole up and not speak to anybody. The producers are about to pull the plug on the movie," which would be a mainstream production.
Whoa, whoa. Wait a sec. Hold on. Hold the phone. Back the truck up. Whoa. Since when do porn stars get plastic surgery. I thought female porn stars were angels that God made and sent to Earth because He was angry that chicks weren't being slutty enough in the bedroom and had too much self-respect and were voting and didn't have enough body issues. Yeah I'm talkin to you, fatty. You might be cute if you lost a couple pounds. -MU
SITE NEWS: Brendon will be back writing the site on Monday. Thanks to everyone who stuck around while he was gone and I was messing things up. If you miss me, you can come visit my site, With Leather. It's a mean-spirited, gossip-y sports blog with lots of sexy pictures. And yet I have a bunch of female fans. Probably because I'm so handsome. That's what my mom said, anyway. She's a great cook! Anyway, thanks.
According to 1800 emails, I'm the last one on earth to know about this, but I guess Jenna Jameson is in the middle of a nasty divorce from porn director/producer/actor Jay Grdina, whom she married in 1998. The awesome part is that the divorce is spilling out onto their respective MySpace pages, with both of them blogging about each other and the nasty little exchange above. Which might not be the best idea in the world if your Jay, since Jenna now dates UFC light-heavyweight ex-champ Tito Ortiz.
