By Lex December 26, 2013 @ 3:02 PM
J-Woww of Jersey Shore and nothing else ever fame announced on Twitter that she’s having a baby with some guy she previously announced on Twitter was her fiance. Someday we’ll do a historic look back at all the celebrity bastard baby announcements on Twitter and correlate them heavily to the current inpatient population at Promises rehab center in Malibu. Among all the Twitter fans who congratulated JWoww and told her she deserved all the happiness in the world despite no obvious support for that position was her good friend Snooki. In the manner of Jersey Shore custom, JWoww first told Snooki how her bastard baby was perfect and then Snooki told JWoww:
So will urs. Sleep safe, keep hydrated, no Advil or Aleve. No pushing on the toilet either
You’d be surprised how many offspring among their clan are mistaken for hungover morning dumps and absent-mindedly flushed down the drain. In contrast to the kids they intentionally flush down the drain when the baby daddy doesn’t have decent prospects. Watching JWoww and Snooki exchange maternity advice is like reading Your Baby’s First Year books written by two girls who found themselves pregnant by the same deviant orderly at an all women’s asylum. They both deserve so much happiness. Like the whores who give out discounted handies to returning service men. God help this planet.
Photo Credit: Jenni JWoww Farley/Instagram, Twitter
By Lex July 09, 2013 @ 9:28 AM
J-Woww has really been pushing the envelope on her skill set of late. By that I mean, she’s now doing profile poses to show off her big fake boobs. It’s a bold move, into the unknown, but what true artist is ever satisfied with the safe and predictable? Also, her scars have healed.
Here’s J-Woww convincing people outside the Hard Rock Hotel Rehab club that if they come inside, the might get to play with tits like she has. In reality, they will end up getting bumped around by coked up William Morris Endeavor junior agents. It’s not nearly as fun.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet, PCN, WENN
By Lex June 18, 2013 @ 6:12 PM
I can’t remember what J-Woww does anymore except for show up to events and show off her tits. So I looked it up. Turns out she shows up for events and shows off her tits. Usually she has that little truck stop troll hanging alongside like a diseased monkey pet. Oh, yeah, there she is. I can’t help but think if alien scouts arrived from another planet and met these two girls first, they’d lament the fact that they have no eyelids to shut when they’re trying to jizz.
Photo Credit: Getty
By Lex April 15, 2013 @ 4:03 PM
Contrary to popular opinion, hot girls aren’t swarming around gay men in Hollywood. Closeted gay actors, for sure. They’ve got supermodels hanging on their arms and telling tales of insatiable hetero appetites. But an openly gay channel like Logo holds their big awards show and, meh, not much talent. J-Woww showed up and flashed her boobs in a perfunctory manner. Fergie came looking for her husband. And Ciara dispelled rumors that she was born with male genitalia by whipping out her dick in the men’s room and taking a leak into Ryan Seacrest’s gaping maw. An uneventful evening by all accounts.
Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin
By brendon January 26, 2010 @ 5:51 PM
Jenni Farley, who you may but probably don’t know by her nickname “JWoww” on the MTV show ‘Jersey Shore’, has become famous for her fantastically huge implants and tops that barely cover them. Now comes news that naked pictures of her are for sale, as was implied by every single noun in that first sentence.
There are at least three photos of Jwoww … In one photo, she is facing the camera, topless. It’s shot from the waist up and will certainly not disappoint her male fans.
A second photo shows Jwoww slightly turned, but with her back mainly toward the camera. She is wearing a skimpy wrap around her waist but that does not obscure the rear view! She’s also wearing boots.
The third photo is a full length topless frontal shot, where Jwoww is again wearing a small wrap around her waist and boots.
This girl is a genius. When are girls who want to be famous gonna accept the fact that the best way to do that is to leak naked pictures of yourself. By emailing them to me for example. That’s what Audrina Patridge did, and now look at her. She was nobody before Tyler published her naked pictures, now she’s rich as a king and engaged to George Clooney.
(She’s not engaged to George Clooney? How do you know? What are you, a detective? Are you positive? Maybe it’s a secret. That goddamn gif took me forever to make, btw.)