jennifer aniston sucks in mexico too

By brendon November 13, 2009 @ 1:38 PM

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Jennifer Aniston is on vacation in Mexico today, although you may have to take my word on that because these bikini pictures are so blurry and muddled and annoying. Much like Jennifer Aniston herself. It’s like you and I are psychics seeing her aura, looking right through her and straight to her personality.

God she sucks. Look at her. Looking over the chair like a lost little doggy. Hoping for someone to love her. But guess what Jennifer, unlike that little dog, no one will ever love you because you’re a clingy, self-centered, pain in the ass, and your visually disturbing chin makes you look like that mailman guy who told the story of Santa. Your chin is like something a dinosaur would have to ward off predators. Good luck with your cats, you mean old bitch.

(image source = splash news online)

jennifer aniston might adopt

By brendon October 29, 2009 @ 2:49 PM

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Every few months someone takes the “Jennifer Aniston is adopting” story from a few months earlier, changes all the nouns and then prints it again, so if this turns out to be true it would be astounding, but the UK magazine Now says she made a secret trip to an orphanage in Mexico earlier this month.

They say her barren womb is covered in dust and spiderwebs like a hallway that Indiana Jones would be going down, and it can’t sustain life like Angelina Jolies has several times with relative ease. Now at the age of 40, Aniston has correctly deduced that adoption is the only way she’ll ever have a child. This is her big chance to get a man who won’t leave her too, so she should probably choose a boy.

The “source” says Aniston will buy the baby from the Casa Hogar Sion orphanage. Oh it sounds just lovely.

“Jen has been plowing money into the orphanage for years, just as her ex Brad has, and to adopt a baby from there makes perfect sense,” adds the insider. “She and Brad will never be — she knows that — but this bond through the baby will live on, no matter what. Brad and Angelina Jolie can never escape from that.”
The orphanage’s owner, Carmen Gonzalez, confirmed Jen’s visit, saying, “She got on with all the children, but spent most of her time with the babies. She loved them. She was in the nursery for a long time, playing with them and cuddling them.”

This poor kid. She just wants someone who can’t leave when she starts to complain about how unfair her life is. He’s gonna grow up with his depressed mom laying around crying all the time.  His life is gonna be like a Shania Twain song.

you wont believe this

By brendon October 16, 2009 @ 4:53 PM

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This would normally sound like a story that a tabloid simply made up, but in this case it’s about Jennifer Aniston crying over Brad Pitt, so really all bets are off.

Jennifer Aniston drunk-dialed Brad Pitt, and got the shock of her life when Angelina Jolie answered.
Jen was home alone in her sprawling Beverly Hills mansion in late September when she dialed Brad after downing a few glasses of white wine.
When Jen heard Angie’s voice, she freaked out.”
Flustered, Jen launched into a blistering attack on Angelina, said the insider.
“Jen basically told Angie that she hated her, but Angelina fired back!”

The Enquirer includes a picture of Aniston on a cell phone. Just like the one used in the story perhaps. Coincidence? Well, I mean, yes probably, but still, that chick is a damn loser so yeah, she did this. She totally did this.

you wont believe who this is about

By brendon September 24, 2009 @ 3:37 PM

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Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt announced they were separating back on January 6, 2005, and some version of this “Jennifer Aniston is dangerously obsessed with Brad Pitt” story has come up twice a month ever since. She can either get over it and live a long happy life or just kill herself, I really don’t care which, but this has got to stop. I cannot do this any more. I wrote like 5 different introductions for this stupid story, and this was the best one. Page Six says…

The unlucky-in-love actress was late coming out of her trailer while filming “The Bounty” with Gerard Butler a few weeks ago. The source tells Page Six that when an assistant went to fetch Aniston, she was in tears, and said, “I need a moment. This scene reminds me of Brad and me.”
Aniston pulled herself together and managed to put on a smile when she eventually emerged from her trailer. The insider added, “While she enjoyed flirting with Gerard on set and put a brave face on every day, privately she is still very fragile.”

To be fair, the scene was about the bounty hunter (Butler) capturing Anistons character but then pushing her aside to catch someone younger and way way hotter, so you can see why that would hit so close to home.


(7 more here. hq jump here. source = splash news online)

Did Aniston have plastic surgery?

By brendon September 02, 2009 @ 9:54 AM

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The Italian magazine Grazia is reporting that Jennifer Aniston has received Macrolane injections, a relatively new alternative to breast implants in which hyaluronic acid is injected into the breast and then molded into shape. The procedure takes about an hour, lasts about 12 months and offers an increase up to one full cup size. The Daily Mail says…

…close friends reportedly said the 40-year-old has been feeling ‘super confident’ as a result (of the Marcolane) during the filming of her new movie The Bounty (pictures of her on set here).
And Jen is also reportedly hitting the gym as early as 3am for two-hour workouts before arriving on set.
‘The whole thing’s left her feeling better than she’s done in years,’ said the source.
‘Jen loves the fact her curvier figure is having on her wardrobe for the movie. She’s dressed in figure-hugging skirts and low-cut tops every day.
‘In fact, it’s no wonder she and (co-star Gerard Butler) have such electric chemistry.’

Everyone agrees that women should be judged and ranked by cup size, but one look at her prom pictures will tell you that Jennifer Aniston is naturally gorgeous and hasnt been manufactured in a lab like Frankenstein. She’s 100 percent pure Sex Appeal and Passion and Lust and always has been. In fact these pictures should probably be labeled as NSFW. Not because she’s naked, but because you will be as you fall under her sexual spell and rip off your clothes to pleasure yourself.

What a sexy movie

By brendon August 25, 2009 @ 2:19 PM

Jennifer Aniston And Gerard Butler On The Set Of 'The Bounty'

This may look like Jennifer Aniston has been reduced to starring in MILF humiliation videos, as would be befitting her acting talent and looks, and in fact the only way I would watch a Jennifer Aniston movie is if the description included the words “ATM” and “cum-soaked”, but sadly I think Gerard Butler is just handcuffing her in these pictures from the set of “the Bounty”. You can pretty much tell what the movie is about just by these pictures. And that it will be less entertaining than actually going to the store and buying some Bounty.

(hq jump here. source = flynet and splash news online)