afternoon headlines

By brendon August 19, 2010 @ 6:55 PM

JENNIFER ANISTON – was promoting her latest bomb ‘the Switch’ on ‘Regis and Kelly’ this morning when she said, “Yes, I play dress up! I do it for a living, like a retard!” And now a pro-retard group is calling her comment, “extraordinarily offensive and inappropriate.” And they’re right. Her acting is more like someone in a vegetative state. Retarded people can actually convey emotion. (us)

PIRANHA 3D - might actually be the dumb fun it was trying to be. “Mere words cannot describe how awesomely gnarly ‘Piranha 3D’ is, how hugely entertaining,” says the AP. “A pitch-perfect, guilty-pleasure serving of late-summer schlock,” according to the Hollywood Reporter. “The best buddy cop movie in years,” said a guy who couldn’t remember anything but all the hot girls with big tits in 3D. (ap, thr)

MAGGIE Q - is too sexy in her promo posters for the CW show ‘Nikita’, according to several shopping centers like the Grove in LA who are refusing to post them. And that’s them below so I must be missing something. Clearly the Grove is run by either ugly people or Quakers. (variety)

Jennifer Aniston knows people laugh at her

By brendon August 04, 2010 @ 12:17 PM

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Jennifer Aniston is on the cover of Harpers Bazaar this month, which is a perfect fit because they’re both famous even though no one ever buys either one. In the interview, she tells no one in particular that she knows people laugh at her, though the insufferable egomaniac who men run away from like Medusa doesn’t know why. Oohh oohh oohh, I do, I do!

“People laugh at me. Sometimes I know why, and sometimes I don’t. But I can pretty much find humor in anything. That is a necessary part of life. I don’t want to say laughter is healing, because it sounds corny, but it’s a release.”

And then, as if dared to come up with the worlds least relatable and sympathetic problem, she talked about how much she and Barbara Streisand have in common.

“[Barbra and I] are people who have been put in the spotlight, for better or for worse, and you just keep riding, and you keep overcoming. Barbra inspires me because there isn’t anything she hasn’t done that she wanted to do, especially as a female in the time when her generation was prime. She’s a true renais­sance woman… I had a long conversation with Barbra about directing because I directed a short a couple years ago, and if I don’t do it again soon, I’m going to burst out of my skin. And we also love interior design.”

By “overcoming” Aniston must mean that everyone hates her movies (her last 3: Bounty Hunter made 67 million, Love Happens made 22 million, and Management made 900,000). I dare you to fail that much at a job in the real world. Not only would you be fired, they’d hide a cobra in your car and punch your kid in the face too.

this was almost a Jennifer Aniston upskirt

By brendon July 22, 2010 @ 10:49 AM

Jennifer Aniston

Jennifer Aniston is in the UK this week to promote her new perfume sarcastically named Lovalie, and last night while on her way to the restaurant C London she got out of her car in a short skirt and the rest is kind of self explanatory.

Thankfully you can’t actually see her dusty, unloved vagina. Based on the way she repels any man who dates her there’s probably some curse that turns you to stone if you look at it.

What madman thought Lovalie would be a good name for a perfume from this frigid loner by the way. Lonelé or Desper 8 would both have been better, or at least more honest.

(source = inf daily)

jennifer aniston is going topless. again.

By brendon June 15, 2010 @ 11:21 AM

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Jennifer Aniston has been topless in a movie before, but it was edited so you never actually saw anything (note – hooray for the internet). Now she’s reportedly doing another topless scene, this time in a movie with the unthinkably underused Colin Farrell. The Sun says…

Her role in Horrible Bosses alongside movie bad boy Farrell, 34, is said to be a “total departure” from her usual romantic comedy characters.
Jen, 41, has previously only appeared partially nude in a blurred scene in 2007 film The Break-Up.
A source said of the new film: “It was worked out before she signed her contract, so she’s committed.”
It is due to be released next year.

Anistons one and only good attribute is her body, and even that isn’t as good as the average 19-year old (or Tyler reader) so, if you have to be shackled with 2 hours of, “I’m over gesturing with my hands like this is a god damn shadow puppet show because I can’t convey emotion through my acting. Look, I’m wringing my hands now. Ggrrr, I’m very intense right now. I’m very worried or maybe hopeful but listen to the music… mostly worried. But wait, something’s happenig! Now I’m throwing my hands up and showing my palms! I’m happy now, yaaay, the challenging situation was resolved! Big circles with my arms now, LOL! I don’t know how comedy works!”, then you damn well better see some tits.

jennifer aniston in a bikini is not bad

By brendon May 24, 2010 @ 12:47 PM

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Jennifer Aniston is 41 but she didn’t look it yesterday while filming bikini scenes in Hawaii for that Adam Sandler movie with Brooklyn Decker.

Or maybe she did. Maybe this is what lots of women her age would look like if they didn’t do anything all day and had access to all the best chefs and trainers and dietitians. Aniston is like a show dog. Their only job is stand there and do what they’re told. Don’t think dummy just hold still while someone grooms you. Now eat this. Now run over there. Now run back. So she’s not actually pretty, just malleable and obedient. Ooo, I am getting so hot.

(source = splash news online)

afternoon headlines

By brendon April 07, 2010 @ 7:20 PM

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MEGAN FOX - should be on this list of famous people who blaze up (here’s a diff one). I’d also like to see her on a list of famous girls who have swallowed my semen. (htgb)

JENNIFER ANISTON - still sucks. ‘Bounty Hunter’ only made 3.8m in it’s UK debut. It’s hard to figure out why no one goes to see her movies. Perhaps it’s because she’s a terrible actress and self-pitying bitch. Oh wait I guess it wasn’t that hard to figure out. (daily mail)

TIGER WOODS - had sex with the daughter of one of his neighbors last year. She was 21, and lived so close they could see Tigers house when they were doin it. He must have a really good Homeowners Association. All I get is some votive candles on Christmas Eve. (radar)

MICHELLE HUNZIKER - is still in Miami, bless her heart. Blond white girls are boring, but … the pigtails. Pigtails are fuckin hot. More girls don’t wear them and that bugs me. It works especially well on Michelle because she’s Swiss. This would be a good ad for tropical cocoa. (fame images, splash news)