Star Magazine says today that Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn did not break up because the two grew apart amicably - as their official story claims - but because Vince cheated on her with a co-ed from Texas. While Jenn spent Thanksgiving alone with Courteney Cox-Arquette, Vince was in Budapest making the moves on three vacationing female students from Trinity University in San Antonio. One of the girls was 20-year-old Laura Mallory Lane. A night of drinking ended up with Lane and Vaughn in bed together in his hotel room, all of which was documented in an email written to 22 of her sorority sisters. The email said:
"We talked some more (and yes, we talked about Jen), and one thing led to another and obviously we were messing around before too long. We didn't have sex, but it was just as good :)…"
Man, this sounds almost exactly like my Thanksgiving. Except, instead of getting oral from 20-year-olds in exotic lands, I put on a play that recreated the first Thanksgiving, starring my stuffed animals. I’m a big winner!
(more and a copy of the email on star here, mallory's blogspot here)
Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston have broken up after having dated for a little over a year. Rumors have been around for months saying the two were done - there was even a US cover story in October with the headline "SPLIT" - but Vaughn has been in Europe filming "Fred Claus" for the last two months and the distance seemed to be the final straw. The distance and also the hot European whores. Us and the New York Post say:
… while in Budapest, Vaughn was spotted partying with two pals at an exotic dance club called Moulin Rouge, where the girls put on "explicit" shows. (He) also partied at the techno hot spot Dokk, where he stayed until 4 a.m., flirting with several women in a private area at the back of the club. "He wasn't there to dance," a source said. "It's a meat market." Even the next day, Vaughn couldn't get enough of the ladies. After chatting with a mystery blonde for 20 minutes at his hotel that morning - and receiving a kiss from her on the cheek - the actor got a $40 Swedish massage at the city's Széchenyi baths. A source says he returned to Dokk again that night.
Thank god Vaughn has finally come to his senses. Vaughn is cool, and Aniston is a fug moron. If I ever accidentally had sex with Jennifer Aniston, I would stare at my dick the next morning like I had been betrayed, like in the movies when someone gets shot by a loved one. Then I would chop it off and bury it. "We've had a lot of good times," I would say at the funeral, "but I just can't trust you anymore."
“Oh hey look there’s Jennifer Aniston driving out of the…” (Aniston places the clear water bottle over her face) “ … OH MY GOD SHES GONE! SHE DISAPPEARED! WHERE DID SHE GO!?! DID SHE FALL OUT OF THE CAR!?! AND NOW THE CAR IS DRIVING ITSELF! IT’S A GHOST CAR!”
Is this really Aniston’s plan to hide? Holding up a bottle of water? She might as hide behind a "Friends" DVD or hold up a magazine with Jennifer Aniston on the cover. I'd hide my face too if I looked like that but she needs to do better than this. She might as well duck behind a window or crouch and hide behind a shoe. Fantastic job Jen. You're a master of disguise. You should work for the CIA or something. With your cunning, and enough water bottles, you could infiltrate the Taliban and save the world.
Many are wondering if this may finally be the year Martin Scorsese wins an Academy Award for directing "the Departed", the best reviewed movie of the year so far and a genuine box office hit to boot. If it does win Best Picture, one of the producers to claim a statue would be Brad Pitt, as his company Plan B productions produced the film. Pitts former partner at Plan B would not win an award. That would be Jennifer Aniston, who owned half of the production company when "the Departed" was made but lost all rights in the divorce settlement. Aniston got the mansion in Malibu, Pitt got Plan B. Fox 411 says:
Jennifer Aniston's name has been erased from the list of producers since she and Brad Pitt split. It was their company, Plan B, that was originally involved, along with producer Brad Grey before he left to run Paramount. The result is that Grey and Pitt's names stayed on, even though they did nothing to make the movie, and Aniston's was dumped. "Brad controlled the credits," a source says, which explains a few other things.
This would maybe seem cruel, except I don't like Jennifer Aniston and don't really care. And it would be fun to see her cry some more on Oprah if she didn't get an Academy Award. God knows this was her only chance. I asked my tivo to record "Rumor Has It", and instead it ran away in the middle of the night.
People.com says that Jennifer Aniston told Oprah Winfrey yesterday that she and Vince Vaughn have not broken up, despite rumors to the contrary. Several audience members confirm that, while taping an episode of Oprahs show to be aired next week, Aniston said they have not split up, but they are not engaged either*. Aniston also denies having gotten breast implants recently, a story that was in the tabloids. Apparently. One audience member said Aniston was even "more beautiful in person, and very real." Another agreed, saying Aniston was "just as beautiful as she is in pictures." Which leads me to believe they were being sarcastic. Because Jennifer isn't even close to pretty, much less beautiful. If "Friends" was canceled after one episode like it should have been, then Jennifer is the ugly mom on the laundry commercial with frazzled hair because the leading brand just won't cut it. The sexy mom with the tight sweater already knows this, and that's why her kids hug her at the park.
(*god can't you just hear her shrill fucking voice saying that, acting victimized, so put-upon and tortured by her celebrity. what a bitch.)
Us Magazines cover story this week claims that Vince Vaughn has finally come to his sense and dumped Jennifer Aniston. Us says:
After weeks of distance both emotional and real, the relationship ax fell the week of September 9 for Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston. A source close to Vaughn tells Us that the split happened just before the actor left for London to begin work on his holiday comedy, Joe Claus. “It’s not common knowledge, but we’re not together anymore,” Vaughn told the insider September 13, adding that they solidified the breakup in a long phone conversation. “We’ve split up.” Confirms an Aniston pal: “They’re 100 percent done.”
Good. I hope Aniston cries herself into a coma. I hate that bitch. Honest to god, fire breathing dragons could take over the earth and it wouldn’t ruin how awesome this day has been so far. The only way it could be better is if one of the dragons dumped Aniston and punched Paris Hilton in the face. I would literally die from squealing with delight.
