JENNIFER ANISTON IS A HERO

By brendon May 05, 2008 @ 5:32 AM

Here are pictures of Jennifer Aniston tanning by a pool in Miami.  These are not to be confused with the last 18 sets of pictures of her tanning by a pool.  It just breaks your heart.  Our beloved actors give so much and ask for so little.  It is time for a spiritual rebirth, the arising of a new consciousness, where apathy is no longer an option and we stand up to end the suffering in Hollywood. 



THIS IS GROSS

By brendon April 30, 2008 @ 10:38 AM

Jennifer Anistons vagina must be magic because she’s annoying as hell yet people keep dating her.  The latest to get lost in her dead lifeless eyes is Jon Mayer. In Touch says…

Although they've kept their relationship quiet, In Touch has learned that John Mayer is crazy about Jennifer Aniston. He flew to Miami on April 23 and checked into the Four Seasons hotel, but insiders say that he spent virtually no time there during his visit — opting instead to hang out in the $3,000-a-night presidential suite at the Mandarin Oriental, where Jen has been staying while shooting the movie Marley & Me. And the two were inseparable over the long weekend. When asked how he was doing, after spending four days with his new love, John smiled. "My weekend was good," he told In Touch exclusively.

Jon Mayer isn’t that great or anything but this still makes no sense.  Jennifer Anistons family must be in the Illuminati because there’s no way her fug ass should ever have made it in Hollywood.

JENNIFER ANISTON IS STILL ANNOYING

By brendon March 17, 2008 @ 12:53 PM

Jennifer Aniston is still in Miami this week, where she continues to be annoying as hell.  Add to that the fact that, not only is she not pretty, but you could make the argument that she's straight up ugly.  So with that in mind, I think we can all agree it takes a big man to admit that I would bang her in the ass.  Oh yes.  I said it.  I didn’t get to be the silverback of bloggers by shying away from controversy.

OH BOO-HOO

By brendon February 13, 2008 @ 2:49 PM

Jennifer Aniston might actually be crazy, like literally nuts, because she is STILL whining to whoever will listen that Angelina Jolie stole Brad Pitt and ruined her life.  That was three years ago.  God almighty, get a grip you whiny bitch.  OK says:

“It's been three years since they split," a friend says. "But she's still so far from getting over him, it's tragic.”
And on Feb. 23, when Jen, Brad and Angelina Jolie, will all take part in hosting a charity event at the Beverly Hills Hotel, the tension in the room will most certainly be palpable.
Aniston is gearing up for the moment she'll have to say hello to Angelina or, as she chooses to put it, "that person who ruined my life."
Making the matter more stressful for Jen, who turned 39 on Feb. 11, is that she's being constantly bombarded with images of a glowing, pregnant Angelina. “Jen is desperate for kids,” says a source. “She can feel her biological clock ticking and must be scared that she’s left it too late. She keeps saying that she wishes she had kids with Brad and that, if she had, maybe things would be different.”

Whatever.  I saw this study one time that showed it would take 14 of Jennifer Aniston's chins laid back to back to reach the moon.  14.  You might think it would be more, but I checked the numbers twice, and by golly it's 14.  I also hear her chin, because it precedes the rest of her by about a minute, waps guys in the balls during oral.  And that's why she can't keep a boyfriend.  I haven't been able to confrim this, but the pieces do all fit.

SIT STILL YOU IDIOT

By brendon January 04, 2008 @ 3:45 PM

Please believe me when I tell you that this source had over 400 pictures of Jennifer Aniston at the pool in Mexico, and in every single one of them she's moving around in some way, even just rocking back and forth on the ground.  Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. She's either on X or she has vertigo or some kind of inner ear infection because she just wobbled around for like 4 hours.  Honest to God, if this bitch ever goes 30 seconds without annoying the ever living shit out of me, it will be an accomplishment on par with the printing press.  The only good thing she had going for her was she has a pretty nice ass, but then Courtney Cox showed up and threw down the Hot Buns gauntlet.  Cox somehow managed to keep her back to the camera almost the entire time (almost), but still, Aniston needs to get some ugly friends and hang out with them.  That's what I do.

Sorry Sean, I'm sorry you had to find out this way.



HOT BLURRY ACTION!

By brendon January 02, 2008 @ 8:39 AM

Someone needs to get the paparazzi in Mexico something more powerful than a camera phone immediately because I could carve some shit into a rock and it would look better than this.  You could describe Jennifer Aniston in a bikini to me 6 months after you saw it and I could draw it in the dirt with my foot and it would-be more vibrant and life like than … whatever the hell this is supposed to be.  That big-nosed bitch has a nice ass though, I'll give her that.