By brendon September 10, 2008 @ 12:25 PM

Do you know how when celebrities go out in sheer black clothes and then they get their pictures taken and the flash hits them and suddenly their clothes become see thru?  Of course you do. Because it happens 8000 times a year.  It’s why the internet survived through dial-up.  Oh, but look, I guess Jennifer Aniston hasn’t heard.  People who live under the sea know about this, but not Jenifer.  You could unfreeze a caveman and he would instinctively know, but Jennifer?  Never heard of this.  Didn’t know. 


By brendon July 23, 2008 @ 12:07 PM

Both Forbes and People have articles today about what actors and actresses make the most money in Hollywood, and I had to read over this thing like 4 times, partly because I can barely read, but also because this thing doesn’t make a lick of sense.

Between June 1, 2007 and June 1, 2008, Will Smith was the highest paid male lead, banking around 80 million dollars.  Johnny Depp was close behind, earning 72.  Mike Meyers and Eddie Murphy both made 55 thanks to "Shrek", and Leonardo DiCaprio made 45 thanks to being the best actor alive.  

Here’s where the list goes to hell: Cameron Diaz made 50 million god damn dollars, despite the fact that no one actually likes her.  Keira Knightley made 32.  Jennifer Aniston has never had a successful movie, and hasn’t had any movie for 2 years, yet somehow made 27.  Reese Witherspoon and Gwyneth Paltrow each made 25.  

What the hell is that?  I thought Hollywood was misogynistic and sexist and awful.  So how come the top 5 list features 4 visually disturbing hags?  Keira is the only hot one, and the only one who is even remotely likable.  The only way I'd ever watch a Cameron Diaz movie is if the description also included the words, "Megan Fox" and "cum-soaked".


By brendon June 17, 2008 @ 12:22 PM

Jennifer Aniston is one of those very few people in Hollywood that you never ever ever hear anything nice about.  So gee guess where this is headed.  Life and Style weekly says that Aniston was set to shoot a cover for Vanity Fair featuring the female leads of "He’s Just Not That Into You".  Those leads included Drew Barrymore, Jennifer Goodwin, Scarlett Johanson and Jennifer Connelly.  Aniston then demanded that Scarlett and Connelly be cut, because Aniston didn’t want to be between two chicks who are way way way hotter than she is.

 “Word is, Aniston threatened to pull out if Jennifer was part of the cover,” says an insider familiar with the movie’s shoot. “It was all about getting Jennifer Aniston front and center and looking as sexy as possible.”
While Aniston’s rep denies that there’s any discord between the actresses, they just didn’t hit it off, says the insider: “There was no camaraderie between those two whatsoever. They didn’t seem like friends in the slightest.”

Well of course Aniston is jealous of Connelly.  Look at her. Connelly is super hot and she has a cool husband and a womb that’s not barren.  That's three things right there Aniston would kill for.  You could just write the words "Jennifer Connelly" on a piece of paper and they'd still be sexier than Jennifer Aniston.  Jesus, you could write the words "Jennifer Connelly" in the blood at a dead hookers crime scene and it would be hotter than Aniston.


By brendon May 12, 2008 @ 5:50 AM

Two weeks ago John Mayer was seen poolside in Miami with Jennifer Aniston, sparking rumors that the two were now dating.  Then last week he was seen in New York with some other blond chick so people assumed he had come to his senses and realized Jennifer Aniston is a fug moron.  But then this weekend, the two were again seen by a pool in Miami.  Gosh, what will they do next?!?!  Oh, I’m on pins and needles!  People magazine says…

Aniston sat in side-by-side lounge chairs with Mayer, eating salads and talking softly with one another. At one point the singer, 30, whispered into Aniston's ear, sparking a smile from the actress, 39.
Their quality time didn't end there. Mayer and Aniston also attended the Miami wrap party Saturday night at Nikki Coconut Grove. Mayer shielded Aniston from photographers as she climbed out of the car. The couple kissed throughout the evening, enjoying '80s music provided by the party's DJ before calling it a night.

John Mayer is a damn weirdo.  I’m all man baby, but I’d sooner take a gentleman in my mouth than swim around and snuggle up with Jennifer Aniston.  Hell who am I kidding; I’d blow a guy in front of my parents, my gf and the girl who I had a secret crush on in high school sooner than hold hands with Jennifer Aniston in a dark room with no windows.  

Fun Fact:  One time I saw John Mayer in a Starbucks and he bought a newspaper.  What a fag!  (picture source – splash news online)


By brendon May 06, 2008 @ 8:29 AM

Just a week ago it was reported that Jennifer Ansiton and John Mayer were a new item after spending the weekend together in Miami.  This must all be news to John Mayer, who according to the New York Post spent last Friday night, "at 1Oak with Adam Levine, and Mayer 'was all over some blond girl.' Mayer later asked the DJ to play some R. Kelly songs so 'we can dance with our girls.' "

Needless to say this blond was not Aniston.  And of course it wasn't Ansiton.  She sucks.  Mayer just wanted to get laid, and Aniston will fuck anyone in Hollywood.  I’d rather stick my dick inside a rattlesnake than Aniston at this point.  At least then I wouldn’t have to guess as to what kind of treatment I’d need later.


By brendon May 05, 2008 @ 5:32 AM

Here are pictures of Jennifer Aniston tanning by a pool in Miami.  These are not to be confused with the last 18 sets of pictures of her tanning by a pool.  It just breaks your heart.  Our beloved actors give so much and ask for so little.  It is time for a spiritual rebirth, the arising of a new consciousness, where apathy is no longer an option and we stand up to end the suffering in Hollywood.