BACK TOGETHER, STILL BORING

By brendon May 12, 2008 @ 5:50 AM

Two weeks ago John Mayer was seen poolside in Miami with Jennifer Aniston, sparking rumors that the two were now dating.  Then last week he was seen in New York with some other blond chick so people assumed he had come to his senses and realized Jennifer Aniston is a fug moron.  But then this weekend, the two were again seen by a pool in Miami.  Gosh, what will they do next?!?!  Oh, I’m on pins and needles!  People magazine says…

Aniston sat in side-by-side lounge chairs with Mayer, eating salads and talking softly with one another. At one point the singer, 30, whispered into Aniston's ear, sparking a smile from the actress, 39.
Their quality time didn't end there. Mayer and Aniston also attended the Miami wrap party Saturday night at Nikki Coconut Grove. Mayer shielded Aniston from photographers as she climbed out of the car. The couple kissed throughout the evening, enjoying '80s music provided by the party's DJ before calling it a night.

John Mayer is a damn weirdo.  I’m all man baby, but I’d sooner take a gentleman in my mouth than swim around and snuggle up with Jennifer Aniston.  Hell who am I kidding; I’d blow a guy in front of my parents, my gf and the girl who I had a secret crush on in high school sooner than hold hands with Jennifer Aniston in a dark room with no windows.  

Fun Fact:  One time I saw John Mayer in a Starbucks and he bought a newspaper.  What a fag!  (picture source – splash news online)



NO ONE LIKES JENNIFER ANSITON

By brendon May 06, 2008 @ 8:29 AM

Just a week ago it was reported that Jennifer Ansiton and John Mayer were a new item after spending the weekend together in Miami.  This must all be news to John Mayer, who according to the New York Post spent last Friday night, "at 1Oak with Adam Levine, and Mayer 'was all over some blond girl.' Mayer later asked the DJ to play some R. Kelly songs so 'we can dance with our girls.' "

Needless to say this blond was not Aniston.  And of course it wasn't Ansiton.  She sucks.  Mayer just wanted to get laid, and Aniston will fuck anyone in Hollywood.  I’d rather stick my dick inside a rattlesnake than Aniston at this point.  At least then I wouldn’t have to guess as to what kind of treatment I’d need later.



JENNIFER ANISTON IS A HERO

By brendon May 05, 2008 @ 5:32 AM

Here are pictures of Jennifer Aniston tanning by a pool in Miami.  These are not to be confused with the last 18 sets of pictures of her tanning by a pool.  It just breaks your heart.  Our beloved actors give so much and ask for so little.  It is time for a spiritual rebirth, the arising of a new consciousness, where apathy is no longer an option and we stand up to end the suffering in Hollywood. 



THIS IS GROSS

By brendon April 30, 2008 @ 10:38 AM

Jennifer Anistons vagina must be magic because she’s annoying as hell yet people keep dating her.  The latest to get lost in her dead lifeless eyes is Jon Mayer. In Touch says…

Although they've kept their relationship quiet, In Touch has learned that John Mayer is crazy about Jennifer Aniston. He flew to Miami on April 23 and checked into the Four Seasons hotel, but insiders say that he spent virtually no time there during his visit — opting instead to hang out in the $3,000-a-night presidential suite at the Mandarin Oriental, where Jen has been staying while shooting the movie Marley & Me. And the two were inseparable over the long weekend. When asked how he was doing, after spending four days with his new love, John smiled. "My weekend was good," he told In Touch exclusively.

Jon Mayer isn’t that great or anything but this still makes no sense.  Jennifer Anistons family must be in the Illuminati because there’s no way her fug ass should ever have made it in Hollywood.

JENNIFER ANISTON IS STILL ANNOYING

By brendon March 17, 2008 @ 12:53 PM

Jennifer Aniston is still in Miami this week, where she continues to be annoying as hell.  Add to that the fact that, not only is she not pretty, but you could make the argument that she's straight up ugly.  So with that in mind, I think we can all agree it takes a big man to admit that I would bang her in the ass.  Oh yes.  I said it.  I didn’t get to be the silverback of bloggers by shying away from controversy.

OH BOO-HOO

By brendon February 13, 2008 @ 2:49 PM

Jennifer Aniston might actually be crazy, like literally nuts, because she is STILL whining to whoever will listen that Angelina Jolie stole Brad Pitt and ruined her life.  That was three years ago.  God almighty, get a grip you whiny bitch.  OK says:

“It's been three years since they split," a friend says. "But she's still so far from getting over him, it's tragic.”
And on Feb. 23, when Jen, Brad and Angelina Jolie, will all take part in hosting a charity event at the Beverly Hills Hotel, the tension in the room will most certainly be palpable.
Aniston is gearing up for the moment she'll have to say hello to Angelina or, as she chooses to put it, "that person who ruined my life."
Making the matter more stressful for Jen, who turned 39 on Feb. 11, is that she's being constantly bombarded with images of a glowing, pregnant Angelina. “Jen is desperate for kids,” says a source. “She can feel her biological clock ticking and must be scared that she’s left it too late. She keeps saying that she wishes she had kids with Brad and that, if she had, maybe things would be different.”

Whatever.  I saw this study one time that showed it would take 14 of Jennifer Aniston's chins laid back to back to reach the moon.  14.  You might think it would be more, but I checked the numbers twice, and by golly it's 14.  I also hear her chin, because it precedes the rest of her by about a minute, waps guys in the balls during oral.  And that's why she can't keep a boyfriend.  I haven't been able to confrim this, but the pieces do all fit.