Jennifer Aniston Likes Having a Fiance

By Lex July 29, 2013 @ 1:03 PM

Jennifer Aniston Walking Into A Building In SoHo
Jennifer Aniston likes being engaged, going on for a year now with no real marriage pending.

“We just want to do it when it’s perfect, and we’re not rushed, and no one is rushing from a job or rushing to a job. And, you know, we already feel married.”

Wow, Justin Theroux. Get the fuck out. Now. Sure, you can call this liberating for the dude as he gets to plow Jennifer Aniston without having to marry her. But that’s regular guy’s logic. Jennifer Aniston is no gold digger. She’s got all the gold. She’s just keeping you wrapped up in an engagement prison of her long and complex baggage. Those berating screams assaulting your left ear when you look at another woman. Yeah, those aren’t going away, pal. Your fiancee loves being engaged like she likes holding your nuts in her designer clutch. GTFO now.

Photo Credit:, Splash

Jennifer Aniston Goes Braless On Set

By Lex July 24, 2013 @ 1:11 PM

Jennifer Aniston Goes Braless While On The Set Of Squirrels To The Nuts In New York
Jennifer Aniston is making another movie. She makes a lot of movies. I think she must be really nice or she has dirt on important people or something because she’s not particularly good or memorable in any and they don’t ever seem to make any money. Maybe the cast and crew just like staring at her nipples. I once hired a guy because he promised to bring his homemade beef jerky to work. Just writing that makes wish my own story involved a good looking woman and nipples.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet, PCN, WENN

Jennifer Aniston Goes Braless

By Lex July 17, 2013 @ 3:15 PM

Jennifer Aniston Goes Braless On The Set Of Her New Film In New York
Who can get enough of the Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux relationship chatter? Not I. Will they marry for real? Is Jennifer still haunted by Brad? Can Justin Theroux find a day job? All quite thrilling. Though I’d trade it all in a heartbeat if Jennifer would just pull back her top a bit and show us her tits.

Photo Credit: INF, Splash

Jennifer Aniston Is a Stripper in ‘We’re The Millers’ Red Band (VIDEO)

By Lex May 23, 2013 @ 12:33 PM

I’m not sure how many movies Jennifer Aniston is in where she plays a woman who almost flashes her tits. Rough guess. Every single one. She likes to tease the press by talking about how she will be topless in her next movie. And then the press talks about how brave she is. First, jumping on a grenade is brave. Flashing your tits is relatively easy. Second, Jennifer is a liar. Brad Pitt came out this week and said his marriage to Jennifer Aniston was boring. He blames himself and too much weed, but I’m guessing having a girl who makes empty sexual promises over and over again can lead to boredom. Or taking off to rail Angelina Jolie whose sexual promises were always kept.

Jennifer Aniston plays a stripper in We’re the Millers. Here’s the Red Band trailer.

Jennifer Aniston Bested by Angelina Once More

By Lex May 01, 2013 @ 12:07 PM

Jennifer Aniston In Cleavage Dress At Yoga Book Launch In Los Angeles
Jennifer Aniston has a million things she wants to tell you about how to stay good looking into your middle years. It mostly involves holistic medicines, Asian aromatherapies, and never letting that bitch cunt Angelina Jolie ruin your wedding day. Oh, only she did. It’s amazing how one crazy ass anorexic can be the bane of your existence, I mean, unless you’re married to her yourself, but Angelina continues to haunt Jen’s desperate attempts at ever being loved again. Aww.

Jennifer has put her wedding plans to that guy with the beard on complete hold now that Angelina and Brad have suddenly announced their own wedding plans after eight years and six Benetton kids. I don’t get girl feuds, but I know they exist. I know they’re ugly. And I know Angelina is still winning.

Here’s Jennifer at a book signing showing off her cleavage. Angelina quickly fired off an email to Jen asking her if she knows what Brad likes to do to her tits when he’s randy.

Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin, Getty, WENN

Fuck You, Jennifer Aniston

By Sophie April 17, 2013 @ 1:58 PM

I don’t want to write this post because Jennifer Aniston WANTS me to write this post and I detest that woman more than my period getting in the way of a solid weekend of sex. Which, yes, I am currently on, so yes, I’m feeling extra cunty. Guys, just pretend all the TV networks got together and canceled all sports programming for a week. Then you can relate.

Jennifer Aniston attended Lifetime’s (the network where untalented stars go to die) Call Me Crazy premiere in Los Angeles last night. She wore her hair up in a strapless top, revealing odd “cupping” marks, the result of a form of Chinese medicine that’s meant to stimulate circulation.

Every girl knows that you look prettier with your hair down, especially if you’re a solid 6, which Aniston is even with the $8,000 she spends monthly to try and reach for an 8. Yet Aniston wore her hair up in a stupid pony tail in a stupid strapless outfit so we’d all see the marks and think ahh she must be so zen and interesting to try Chinese medicine! If that hippie shit works then where the babies at, Jen? Shit, I’m bloated.