Jennifer Aniston Bested by Angelina Once More

By Lex May 01, 2013 @ 12:07 PM

Jennifer Aniston In Cleavage Dress At Yoga Book Launch In Los Angeles
Jennifer Aniston has a million things she wants to tell you about how to stay good looking into your middle years. It mostly involves holistic medicines, Asian aromatherapies, and never letting that bitch cunt Angelina Jolie ruin your wedding day. Oh, only she did. It’s amazing how one crazy ass anorexic can be the bane of your existence, I mean, unless you’re married to her yourself, but Angelina continues to haunt Jen’s desperate attempts at ever being loved again. Aww.

Jennifer has put her wedding plans to that guy with the beard on complete hold now that Angelina and Brad have suddenly announced their own wedding plans after eight years and six Benetton kids. I don’t get girl feuds, but I know they exist. I know they’re ugly. And I know Angelina is still winning.

Here’s Jennifer at a book signing showing off her cleavage. Angelina quickly fired off an email to Jen asking her if she knows what Brad likes to do to her tits when he’s randy.

Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin, Getty, WENN

Fuck You, Jennifer Aniston

By Sophie April 17, 2013 @ 1:58 PM

I don’t want to write this post because Jennifer Aniston WANTS me to write this post and I detest that woman more than my period getting in the way of a solid weekend of sex. Which, yes, I am currently on, so yes, I’m feeling extra cunty. Guys, just pretend all the TV networks got together and canceled all sports programming for a week. Then you can relate.

Jennifer Aniston attended Lifetime’s (the network where untalented stars go to die) Call Me Crazy premiere in Los Angeles last night. She wore her hair up in a strapless top, revealing odd “cupping” marks, the result of a form of Chinese medicine that’s meant to stimulate circulation.

Every girl knows that you look prettier with your hair down, especially if you’re a solid 6, which Aniston is even with the $8,000 she spends monthly to try and reach for an 8. Yet Aniston wore her hair up in a stupid pony tail in a stupid strapless outfit so we’d all see the marks and think ahh she must be so zen and interesting to try Chinese medicine! If that hippie shit works then where the babies at, Jen? Shit, I’m bloated.

Last Night Was The Oscars, Here Are The Boobs That Showed Up

By Photo Boy February 25, 2013 @ 12:30 PM


Last night was The 85th Annual Academy Awards and I’m completely ashamed to say I watched the entire thing. To sum it up, Seth MacFarlane did surprisingly not shitty, Jennifer Lawrence fell down, the Best Director winner was bullshit, Ben Affleck got snubbed, then didn’t and George Clooney kept getting free scotch thrown at him for smiling every time someone joked he banged and/or will bang somebody like nine-year-old Quvenzhané Wallis (Actual Seth MacFarlane joke.) who already had to deal with Daniel Day Lewis demanding she thank him backstage. This shouldn’t fuck a kid up.

(Images of celebs who showed up to last night’s Oscars with varying degrees of cleavage or dumb-looking faces = Getty)

Jennifer Aniston wore a bikini in Mexico, cannot hide

By brendon December 27, 2012 @ 2:59 PM

jennifer_aniston_bikini_mexico_christmas_2012

Jennifer Aniston and her annoyingly ripped out boyfriend Justin Theroux spent Christmas in Mexico, and helped show the real potential for those little ar drones; pictures of celebrity box.

(image source = fame/flynet. splash)

Jennifer Aniston is just awful

By brendon September 18, 2012 @ 1:18 PM

Here’s what an awful, conceited bitch Jennifer Aniston is: she agrees to do a commercial for Smartwater that makes fun of all the rumors you hear about her, then fills the commercial with things no one has ever said about her. There’s no rumor that she wears a wig or has an alien baby that talks in bleeps and bloops, but that’s what we see her joking about.

There is a rumor that she has a doll made with Brad Pitts real hair and fingernails and a wall full of Angelina Jolie pictures with the eyes cut out. A rumor started by me, just now. A rumor that is 100 percent true. Why doesn’t the commercial show that?

Jennifer Aniston is box office gold

By brendon August 20, 2012 @ 2:56 PM

jennifer_aniston_open_shirt_bra

Wait a second Hollywood; are you telling me that if I buy a ticket to ‘We’re the Millers’, starring Jennifer Aniston, I’ll get to hear her read jokes with the robotic delivery of a GPS unit AND see the bra of an unattractive lady with B cups?

Well congratulations, you’ve done it again. Here’s my money. Is $100 enough? $200? Name your price Hollywood. Please don’t tell me I’m too late and opening weekend is already sold out.

(image source = splash, inf)