Jennifer Aniston is engaged

By brendon August 13, 2012 @ 10:14 AM

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It’s been almost 9 years since Angelina Jolie replaced Nicole Kidman in ‘Mr. and Mrs. Smith’, which is where Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie met which led to him divorcing Jennifer Aniston because Angelina Jolie is better than Jennifer Aniston in every possible way. 9 years.

And yet Aniston STILL talks about Pitt ALL the time. Or moves in next door to him. Or scouts places for her wedding (even though she’s not engaged) 10 days after he proposed to Jolie. And when she finally does get engaged, which happened Friday, it’s one day before Pitt and Jolie were rumored to get married.

So is that all a coincidence or is there a pattern? I simply don’t know, I’m not the Mentalist. What I do know is that Pitt has been dating Jolie all this time, while Aniston has dated Vince Vaughn, Paul Sculfor, Josh Hopkins, Chris Gartin, Harry Morton, Jason Lewis, Kevin Connelly, John Mayer, Gerard Butler, and Justin Theroux. She’ll date literally anyone. Girls who marry inmates that they met online have more dignity.

can I get you a jacket ma’am

By brendon August 03, 2012 @ 1:17 PM

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Were they trying to make Jennifer Aniston look sexy today on the set of ‘We are the Millers’, or was I supposed to shriek and cover my eyes like a vampire that was pushed into sunlight? Because if it was that second one, mission accomplished.

(image source = inf)

Jennifer Aniston is stalking Brad and Angelina in London

By brendon May 02, 2012 @ 1:41 PM

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When Brad Pitt was filming ‘World War Z’ last summer in Richmond (a small town in southwest London; population 21,221), he and Angelina Jolie fell in love with it, and with London hosting the 2012 Summer Olympics, they decided to buy a house and stay for at least a year.

Then they decided to settle in even longer, for at least two years, because it turns out Jolie’s next three movies all film in the UK.

And now, in a completely unrelated story, Jennifer Aniston is looking to buy a house in Richmond, a small town in southwest London, population 21,221.

Jennifer Aniston is eyeing pads in the south-west London borough where ex Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie rented last year and intend to spend much of the next two years.
A source said: “She hasn’t had anything to do with Brad since their 2005 divorce. But if they are both living in the same neighborhood it could lead to awkward encounters.”

Oh no, I don’t think that would be awkward at all. His ex-wife traveled 5,500 miles and moved in next door, that kind of thing happens all the time, it’s perfectly normal. Oh but I bet they’ll make a big deal of it when they wake up one night with Aniston between them in bed and wearing her wedding dress. You can just tell they’re rude neighbors.

by sheer coincidence, Jennifer Aniston is getting married too

By brendon April 23, 2012 @ 1:24 PM

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Because Jennifer Aniston would literally die if she had to sit back for the next few months and watch Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie plan their romantic storybook wedding, Jennifer Aniston and her boyfriend Justin Theroux are apparently getting married now too. Except even sooner, and even more romantic storybookier.

Sources connected with the Elounda Beach Hotel in Crete (where Aniston’s dad was born, located about 230 miles south of Greece) tell TMZ … Aniston was there recently, scoping the place out. Our sources say Aniston mentioned a July wedding.



Crete sounds like a good choice because I don’t think that’s even a real fucking place and maybe her desperation isn’t as well known there as it is everywhere else. All the hours Aniston has spent daydreaming, arranging a roomful of cardboard cut-outs of famous people placed in chairs like an awards show rehearsal and then having someone say they agree to marry her, will finally pay off.

It Costs Jennifer Aniston 141K a Year to Look This Good

By author March 15, 2012 @ 2:30 PM

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According to a website called Shine via New York Post, it costs a shit-ton of cash to still not compare to Angelina Jolie:

Jennifer Aniston was recently dubbed the “Hottest Woman of All Time” by Men’s Health magazine but, according to a new report, the “Wanderlust” spends $141, 037 a year maintaining her appearance.

Sure you could say the math in that article doesn’t in any way add up to $141,000, or even that I deliberately picked shots of her not looking her best. And you would be right on both accounts, but how is any of that is ever going make Brad Pitt forget that her vagina is a dusty chamber of sadness from which only Gerard Butler and he have escaped only to be driven directly to that succubus whore?

(Image Source = Getty, Pacific Coast News)

no one likes Jennifer Aniston, part 2

By brendon February 22, 2012 @ 10:27 PM

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Jennifer Aniston was honored with a star on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame today, and by “honored” I mean she bought it from the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce $30,000. She still has no friends however, so it was up to Malin Akerman to give a speech for her, even though they had never met until she co-starred with her in ‘Wanderlust’. Granted Adam Sandler is in these pictures too, but I’m assuming he wasn’t when they were taken and she just paid someone to photoshop him in later.