“sexy” Jennifer Aniston repulses people

By brendon July 22, 2011 @ 4:09 PM

jennifer_aniston_justin_theroux

Penn Badgley probably knew that Jennifer Aniston plays a dentist who is always sexually harassing her tech in the movie ‘Horrible Bosses’, but it seems he didn’t know that he gets mentioned by name before he went to see it yesterday with his girlfriend, Zoe Kravitz.

An awkward moment happened when Jennifer Aniston quips, “Did you see ‘Gossip Girl’ last night? I fingered myself so hard to that Penn Badgley guy that I broke a nail.” Our source said, “The look on Penn’s face was priceless. They left the theater right after that.”

Wait. Your nails aren’t supposed to even hit anything. How did she break one? Was she stabbing herself in the vagina, is that what this scene is suggesting? Making Jennifer Anistons no doubt beaten and bruised vagina all scratched and bloody as well? Jesus I’m surprised more people didn’t leave, what is this, a snuff film?

(image source = inf)

no one likes Jennifer Aniston

By brendon July 08, 2011 @ 4:44 PM

1513

‘Friends’ went on the air in 1994, which means that Jennifer Aniston has been a big star for 17 years now, so it’s no surprise that a parade of Hollywood royalty packed the stage yesterday when Aniston was honored with a handprint ceremony at the famous Grauman’s Chinese Theatre in Hollywood.

From Chelsea Handler to Jason Bateman, it was a cavalcade of her friends and co-stars spanning almost two decades in show business!

(NOTE: actually it was just Chelsea Handler and Jason Bateman, who co-stars with Aniston in ‘Horrible Bosses’, which opens today. Oh and her newly shaven boyfriend Justin Theroux was there. And universally despised director Brett Ratner, who is a producer for ‘Horrible Bosses’. But no Courteney Cox or anyone from ‘Friends’, or Jim Carey or Adam Sandler or anyone like that. Maybe they didn’t go because they assumed they’d have to carry her just like they did when they worked together, and cement is really heavy.)

guess who Jennifer Aniston is talking about

By brendon July 07, 2011 @ 3:42 PM

jennifer_aniston_horrible_bosses_premiere_0

It seems like just yesterday that Brad Pitt left Jennifer Aniston, and that’s because she won’t shut the fuck up about it. In reality it was 7 years ago.

And now, celebuzz says “she recently opened up about her infamous divorce during her Inside the Actor’s Studio appearance.” Ohh, did she really? I bet they had to torture her to make her talk about that!

When asked about ‘The Break Up’, her hit 2006 romantic comedy, Jennifer admits the film helped her overcome the devastating end of her five-year marriage to Pitt.
“It was a beautiful human story about a couple breaking up…You know, I was slightly familiar on the topic and the issue. I honestly felt like, what a great way to sort of exorcise some of that.”
…she insisted her personal heartache made the role “easier” to do. “I was like, ‘Why not?’ Turn the page, let’s move on,” she recalled.

And so she did! Unfortunately, the next page also said to talk about Brad Pitt. And do interviews about Brad Pitt, and cry on movie sets about Brad Pitt, and admit you keep Brad Pitts voice on your phone. All these pages can be found in a book called, ‘Angelina Jolie Is A Whore And I Hate Her And I Want My Brad Back And I Swear Brad I’ll Do Anything I Just Want You Back Please Please Take Me Back’.

Jennifer Aniston is inappropiate

By brendon June 22, 2011 @ 2:25 PM

1751653

Jennifer Aniston walked around New York yesterday in the sheerest possible clothes, and everyone could look at her ass and nipples. Which seems a little presumptuous. If we could decide how much clothing Jennifer Aniston should be wearing at all times, I would vote for “a lot”.

(image source = inf)

Jennifer Aniston is a screen legend

By brendon June 22, 2011 @ 10:45 AM

jennifer_aniston_red_dress

If there’s one thing actors need more of, it’s special attention and people applauding them for no fucking reason, and so yesterday the 2012 recipients of a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame were announced, led by Jennifer Aniston and Jennifer Lopez (here’s the full list).

To be honored with a star, one must meet a strict criteria and pass a lengthy and demanding screening process. It’s practically like when Indiana Jones was trying to enter that room with the Holy Grail.

I’m lying of course. These are the only requirements for getting a star:

- professional achievement
- longevity of five years or more
- contributions to the community
- the guarantee that the celebrity will attend the dedication ceremony if selected.

But most importantly, you have to pay the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce $30,000. Which means that the overwhelming number of these ceremonies happen because the actor nominated themselves. That’s how starved they are for attention and acclaim and a podium so they can talk about themselves. And that’s usually when they say this will be great for the fans. Because it’s such a treat to read a name I recognize. Look…

DREW BARRYMORE

Wasn’t that a thrill? Now imagine if that were written on a sidewalk, and you read it while pick-pockets robbed you!

Jennifer Aniston is living with her new boyfriend

By brendon June 16, 2011 @ 3:26 PM

jennifer-aniston-justin-theroux-12587-1

Jennifer Aniston has a history of driving men away because she’s psychotically clingy and desperate, but that’s all gonna change now that the guy she barely knows broke up with the girl he dated for 14 years and moved in with her.

This time is gonna be different! He’s looking to settle down, Aniston is reading this perfectly!

Jennifer Aniston and new beau Justin Theroux have already taken a bold next step.
“He’s living at her place in L.A.!” an insider tells Us Weekly. “And she’s introducing him as her boyfriend.”

Gosh, I’m surprised she hasn’t already picked out thier wedding rings, ha-ha.

The couple were spotted walking in New York City yesterday wearing matching gold rings on their wedding fingers for all to see.

Hint, hint: Aniston is nuts. One night he’s gonna wake up and she won’t be in bed, and he’ll find her in a secret room; a fully furnished nursery that he never knew was there. And she’ll be in a rocking chair, holding a doll wrapped in blankets and singing lullabies to it. Jesus Christ, how many signs does this guy need.

(below is Heidi Bivens, the much better looking ex who got dumped for Aniston, along with Beardy McDouchbag, at various events)