by sheer coincidence, Jennifer Aniston is getting married too

By brendon April 23, 2012 @ 1:24 PM


Because Jennifer Aniston would literally die if she had to sit back for the next few months and watch Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie plan their romantic storybook wedding, Jennifer Aniston and her boyfriend Justin Theroux are apparently getting married now too. Except even sooner, and even more romantic storybookier.

Sources connected with the Elounda Beach Hotel in Crete (where Aniston’s dad was born, located about 230 miles south of Greece) tell TMZ … Aniston was there recently, scoping the place out. Our sources say Aniston mentioned a July wedding.??

Crete sounds like a good choice because I don’t think that’s even a real fucking place and maybe her desperation isn’t as well known there as it is everywhere else. All the hours Aniston has spent daydreaming, arranging a roomful of cardboard cut-outs of famous people placed in chairs like an awards show rehearsal and then having someone say they agree to marry her, will finally pay off.

It Costs Jennifer Aniston 141K a Year to Look This Good

By author March 15, 2012 @ 2:30 PM


According to a website called Shine via New York Post, it costs a shit-ton of cash to still not compare to Angelina Jolie:

Jennifer Aniston was recently dubbed the “Hottest Woman of All Time” by Men’s Health magazine but, according to a new report, the “Wanderlust” spends $141, 037 a year maintaining her appearance.

Sure you could say the math in that article doesn’t in any way add up to $141,000, or even that I deliberately picked shots of her not looking her best. And you would be right on both accounts, but how is any of that is ever going make Brad Pitt forget that her vagina is a dusty chamber of sadness from which only Gerard Butler and he have escaped only to be driven directly to that succubus whore?

(Image Source = Getty, Pacific Coast News)

no one likes Jennifer Aniston, part 2

By brendon February 22, 2012 @ 10:27 PM


Jennifer Aniston was honored with a star on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame today, and by “honored” I mean she bought it from the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce $30,000. She still has no friends however, so it was up to Malin Akerman to give a speech for her, even though they had never met until she co-starred with her in ‘Wanderlust’. Granted Adam Sandler is in these pictures too, but I’m assuming he wasn’t when they were taken and she just paid someone to photoshop him in later.

youll never guess who Jennifer Ansiton brings up

By brendon February 08, 2012 @ 11:54 AM


Jennifer Aniston tells the March issue of InStyle that she’s tired of seeing magazines talking about her and Brad Pitt for no reason. Magazines such as the March issue of InStyle, which has an interview where Jennifer Aniston starts talking about Brad Pitt for no reason.

“There are so many [misconceptions about me],” Jen says, adding that the most annoying one is “the triangle with my ex-husband — and that there’s a feud there.”
“It’s constant,” she adds. “It’s a story headline that won’t go away, but it’s a money thing – [people make money off] a story that has nothing to do with reality.”

She then goes on to explain that Pitt has no place in her heart anymore, except for being the gold standard that all other men are measured against.

But, Jen reassures fans that she is over that drama and ready to live out the rest of her life with a good man, whom she may have found in beau Justin Theroux. 
“Having experienced everything you don’t want in a partner over time, it starts to narrow down what you actually do want,” Jen admits. “As I get older, I realize what qualities are important in love and what suits me. And what I won’t settle for.”

Wow she’s a real role model for the ladies out there. Before her current boyfriend, guys kept leaving to go bang someone better, and it was then that Jennifer started to wonder if the relationship was working. So she just let them go. Granted the guys didn’t know it because they were long gone by then, but she really put her foot down and said enough.

Jennifer Aniston got married. maybe.

By brendon October 27, 2011 @ 10:59 AM


Just yesterday Jennifer Aniston told a magazine that she was not pregnant and had no plans to get married. So does that mean she’s already married? Probably not, no, but Star is gonna tell you that anyway.

It just came out this morning so there’s no story to go along with that cover but you get the idea. She eloped, no friends, no pre-nup. And it’s that sense of desperation that makes this so plausible. Jennifer Aniston is like a rich version of those girls who become pen-pals with prisoners. She just wants anyone, literally anyone, to date her. Sorry about the planet being so small, Jen.

Jennifer Aniston wore this

By brendon October 18, 2011 @ 3:21 PM


Jennifer Aniston wore this little dress last night at ELLE magazines 18th annual Women in Hollywood tribute. Way to sex yourself up Jenn, way to stand out, good job. I bet you were a big hit in a room filled with earths cattiest bitches.

(source = getty)