guess who Jennifer Aniston is talking about

By brendon July 07, 2011 @ 3:42 PM

jennifer_aniston_horrible_bosses_premiere_0

It seems like just yesterday that Brad Pitt left Jennifer Aniston, and that’s because she won’t shut the fuck up about it. In reality it was 7 years ago.

And now, celebuzz says “she recently opened up about her infamous divorce during her Inside the Actor’s Studio appearance.” Ohh, did she really? I bet they had to torture her to make her talk about that!

When asked about ‘The Break Up’, her hit 2006 romantic comedy, Jennifer admits the film helped her overcome the devastating end of her five-year marriage to Pitt.
“It was a beautiful human story about a couple breaking up…You know, I was slightly familiar on the topic and the issue. I honestly felt like, what a great way to sort of exorcise some of that.”
…she insisted her personal heartache made the role “easier” to do. “I was like, ‘Why not?’ Turn the page, let’s move on,” she recalled.

And so she did! Unfortunately, the next page also said to talk about Brad Pitt. And do interviews about Brad Pitt, and cry on movie sets about Brad Pitt, and admit you keep Brad Pitts voice on your phone. All these pages can be found in a book called, ‘Angelina Jolie Is A Whore And I Hate Her And I Want My Brad Back And I Swear Brad I’ll Do Anything I Just Want You Back Please Please Take Me Back’.

Jennifer Aniston is inappropiate

By brendon June 22, 2011 @ 2:25 PM

1751653

Jennifer Aniston walked around New York yesterday in the sheerest possible clothes, and everyone could look at her ass and nipples. Which seems a little presumptuous. If we could decide how much clothing Jennifer Aniston should be wearing at all times, I would vote for “a lot”.

(image source = inf)

Jennifer Aniston is a screen legend

By brendon June 22, 2011 @ 10:45 AM

jennifer_aniston_red_dress

If there’s one thing actors need more of, it’s special attention and people applauding them for no fucking reason, and so yesterday the 2012 recipients of a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame were announced, led by Jennifer Aniston and Jennifer Lopez (here’s the full list).

To be honored with a star, one must meet a strict criteria and pass a lengthy and demanding screening process. It’s practically like when Indiana Jones was trying to enter that room with the Holy Grail.

I’m lying of course. These are the only requirements for getting a star:

- professional achievement
- longevity of five years or more
- contributions to the community
- the guarantee that the celebrity will attend the dedication ceremony if selected.

But most importantly, you have to pay the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce $30,000. Which means that the overwhelming number of these ceremonies happen because the actor nominated themselves. That’s how starved they are for attention and acclaim and a podium so they can talk about themselves. And that’s usually when they say this will be great for the fans. Because it’s such a treat to read a name I recognize. Look…

DREW BARRYMORE

Wasn’t that a thrill? Now imagine if that were written on a sidewalk, and you read it while pick-pockets robbed you!

Jennifer Aniston is living with her new boyfriend

By brendon June 16, 2011 @ 3:26 PM

jennifer-aniston-justin-theroux-12587-1

Jennifer Aniston has a history of driving men away because she’s psychotically clingy and desperate, but that’s all gonna change now that the guy she barely knows broke up with the girl he dated for 14 years and moved in with her.

This time is gonna be different! He’s looking to settle down, Aniston is reading this perfectly!

Jennifer Aniston and new beau Justin Theroux have already taken a bold next step.
“He’s living at her place in L.A.!” an insider tells Us Weekly. “And she’s introducing him as her boyfriend.”

Gosh, I’m surprised she hasn’t already picked out thier wedding rings, ha-ha.

The couple were spotted walking in New York City yesterday wearing matching gold rings on their wedding fingers for all to see.

Hint, hint: Aniston is nuts. One night he’s gonna wake up and she won’t be in bed, and he’ll find her in a secret room; a fully furnished nursery that he never knew was there. And she’ll be in a rocking chair, holding a doll wrapped in blankets and singing lullabies to it. Jesus Christ, how many signs does this guy need.

(below is Heidi Bivens, the much better looking ex who got dumped for Aniston, along with Beardy McDouchbag, at various events)

Jennifer Aniston is a home wrecking whore

By brendon June 14, 2011 @ 12:42 PM

jennifer-aniston-justin-theroux

Jennifer Aniston has talked non stop for 6 years to make sure everyone knows how awful it was when the mean and wicked Angelina Jolie took out her claws to seduce and steal Brad Pitt. Very obviously Jennifer would never do anything like that.

Jennifer Aniston’s romance with Justin Theroux has ended his 14-year relationship with his live-in girlfriend Heidi Bivens — who moved out of their home last weekend, Page Six has learned.

Oh.

Wait, so the guy Aniston has been publicly dating since mid-May, the one she went to the MTV Movie Awards with, was living with his girlfriend the entire time? Maybe they were already broken up but she just hadn’t moved yet.

Bivens “is devastated” after Theroux abruptly ended their relationship as he got close to Aniston.
“Heidi and Justin have been together for 14 years. They met when she was 20 years old and he 24, and yes, she just moved out of their home last weekend.”

Yeah but this is different because Angelina and Brad met on the set of ‘Mr. and Mrs. Smith’.

Aniston and Theroux met on the set of “Wanderlust” last fall, but in recent weeks they have become inseparable.

No, but, wait, Jennifer told Vogue the thing that hurt was that Angelina stole Brad. She knew he wasn’t single but she flirted with him anyway. By stark contrast, look at how Aniston acted toward Theroux when they made their movie together.

…the tight twosome (have) already settled into a form of domestic bliss on set! “Jen would take care of me a little bit,” Justin said. “When I would feel low, she had all these Chinese herbal medicines she’d give me. If I caught a cold, she’d make blueberry smoothies with antioxidants. She was a fantastic blender chef.”

Oh, gosh. So I guess it turns out that Jennifer Aniston is just a cunt. Gee what a surprise.

Jennifer Aniston was the big winner

By brendon June 06, 2011 @ 3:59 PM

115248395

I’m no Jennifer Aniston fan, but I have to admit she was a worthy recipient of the Decade of Hotness Award at this weekends Spike TVs Guys Choice Awards. Although I would have quantified the trophy by adding, “From The Neck Down As Long As She Can Shut Up About Brad Pitt For 5 Fucking Seconds.”

(image source = getty)