JENNIFERS CRAZY STALKER SEEMS NICE

By brendon November 20, 2008 @ 10:22 AM

Jennifer Garner today received a permanent restraining order against Steven Burky, a 36-year-old man from Pennsylvania who has been following Garner obsessively since 2002.  He’s appeared on her film sets, at her home and at personal appearances, and has written her hundreds of letters and messages professing his love and warnings about her safety.   The New York Daily News says…

Burky, 36, is a born-again Christian who believes he was the victim of satanic abuse rituals as a child in Pennsylvania, according to his blog.
"Almost not a day has gone by when I have not written or talked aloud of my love for you," he wrote in one note. "But I don't know if you were ever allowed to hear it."
In a February email to a film crew member, he begged that Garner be warned about a vision.
"The vision shows that a persecution may take place in broad daylight against Jennifer Garner for her faith in Jesus Christ," it said. "The vision showed Mrs. Garner surrounded by a mob in public.
"It also involves the possible emergence of a dark secret in America. The presence of illicit witchcraft going on in this country, and illicit sacrifices."

See this paints Burky as the bad guy, but what if illicit witches are out there right now saying, "damn, this guy is on to us, and our dark sacrifices."  Then he would be the hero.  Granted, if that’s not the case, then Garner did the right thing.  Celebrities should get law enforcement involved whenever a fan starts showing up at their house and saying they love them.  Unless I’m the one doing it, in which case maybe Megan Fox just needs to stop being so stuck up.

JENNIFER GARNER IS NOT BAD

By brendon September 02, 2008 @ 3:07 PM

I can’t decide if Jennifer Garner looks good or not with no makeup on.  I’ve clicked on each of these pictures twice and I still can’t tell.  So while I’m pontificating over that, just remember, no matter how dull you think your life is, just realize it's like the car chase from Matrix compared to mine right now.

JENNIFER GARNER IS PREGNANT AGAIN

By brendon July 18, 2008 @ 5:57 AM

What's been rumored for a few weeks has now been made all but official, as sources close to the couple have confirmed that Jennifer Garner and husband Ben Affleck are expecting another baby.  Garner’s former "Alias" co-star Victor Garber told Us magazine…

"Yes, she is," Garber, who currently stars on ABC's Eli Stone, told Us when asked if recent speculation was true that the couple is expecting.
A source adds, "She is five months pregnant. They are very happy."
Garner, 36, and Affleck, 35, are parents to two-year-old daughter Violet
"Honestly, that child is so inquisitive and so full of life — it’s all Jennifer and Ben!" Garber gushed to Usmagazine.com in November 2007. "I have to say, he’s an amazing dad and together, she’s a very fortunate little girl to be in that family!"

Wow, kudos to Ben Affleck.  He’s very brave.  I'm sure she's a charming little girl but if I had given birth to that goblin I would have called it quits right there.  A thousand years ago if you gave birth to something that looked like that the church would chop your penis off and burn it.

HEADED FOR DIVORCE?

By brendon June 25, 2008 @ 7:59 AM

Ted Casablanca over on E! says today that Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck, seemingly one of the more normal Hollywood couples, may be headed for a divorce.  Ted says…

Terribly unfortunate scuttlebutt has come my way. Sources insist to me that Jennifer Garner is considering splitting up from her hubby, Ben Affleck … Could this be the reason Jen and Ben are always seen cooing over adorable daughter Violet separately, rarely as one happy family unit? Perhaps.

He’s right about them rarely being seen together.  I had to go to page 29 on Bauer Griffin on a "Jennifer Garner" search to find them within 10 feet of each other.  I would assume Affleck is the one instigating this.  He's probably losing interest.  He’s got that goblin looking kid and he probably blames her, and although she’s beautiful, Garner doesn’t look like she’d be good in bed.  She looks like she handles a penis like she thinks it has a bunch of sharp edges or something.

TOM CRUISE WANTED JENNIFER GARNER

By brendon January 15, 2008 @ 12:48 PM

A new book by biographer Andrew Morton (the same one who said Cruise is second in command in the church of scientology) says that after Tom Cruise dated Sofia Vergara and before he dated Katie Holmes, the person he really wanted to date was Jennifer Garner.  Us.com says:

Morton writes that Cruise left messages on the Alias star's voice mail in 2004 asking "if she knew what freedom was," but his advances were rebuffed.
The book also claims Holmes signed a contract to commit to Scientology and that her father brokered a high-paying pre-nup.

There's actually an old story that, before he met Katie, Tom made a list of names of girls that would be good for his career.  The list was Scarlett Johansson, Kate Bosworth and Katie Holmes.  Some say Jessica Alba was on the list as well.  Scarlett was actually cast in "Mission: Impossible III" but dropped out when it became clear Cruise was trying to convert/F her.   He even brought her to the Scientology center in Los Angeles where he spoke to her for two hours about the cult, the revealed a secret room where a table full of high ranking scientologists had been waiting to have dinner with them.  That was when Scarlett took off.  Then Tom took out a crystal ball and shouted, "After her you fools, she's getting away!"  Then he watched the chase in a big leather chair in front of a wall of monitors and tapped his fingers together.  "Oh yes", sources claim he said.  "My kitten she likes the pain."



JENNIFER GARNER IS PREGNANT. MAYBE.

By brendon July 13, 2007 @ 3:37 PM

X17 Online has more pictures today that may or may not show that Jennifer Garner is indeed pregnant for the second time with husband Ben Affleck.  Which is amazing because she’s delightful and he’s a self important jackass.  He also claims the holocaust never happened, calls Mexicans "lazy", and uses "Canadians" as code for black people so he can bad-mouth them in public.  "I'm not going to see the movie there, that's where all the Canadians go", you'll often hear him say.