Whitney Houston is easily replaced

By brendon February 13, 2012 @ 12:45 PM

Everyone was really sad last night at the Grammies, just one day after Whitney Houston died, because she was such a special talent and impossible to replace. So to make everyone feel better, Jennifer Hudson sang Whitney’s big hit, “I Will Always Love You”.

That of course is a song that Dolly Parton wrote in 1973, and Hudson sang it every bit as good as she did, so it turns out Whitney is not that special and can be replaced on about 24 hours notice. Whew, what a relief!

Headlines, with the benevolent Sacha Baron Cohen

By brendon June 10, 2011 @ 4:26 PM


TRACY MORGAN – has now apologized for his remarks about gay people that he made in concert on June 3rd. That he’s apologizing now, after the story broke, and not when he said this stuff 7 days ago can only mean that he really wanted to get the apology just right. (the ap)

JACK WHITE – and his wife are throwing a party to celebrate their 6th anniversary, AND to announce their divorce. It just made better financial sense to have one party for both. (people)

JENNIFER HUDSON – was also rushed to the hospital today, just like Selena Gomez, but in Hudsons case it’s for suspected food poisoning. This is why girls shouldn’t eat. (popeater)

SACHA BARON COHEN – has released the fist picture of himself in ‘The Dictator’, about a Saddamm Hussein-like character who is replaced by a body double and moves to NYC. In the book the dictator was kind and benevolent, but that’s because Hussein secretly wrote it. People figured out he was the author because the character also has a black belt and 20 inch dong. (huff post)

afternoon headlines

By brendon April 02, 2009 @ 12:52 PM

BRUNO – the red-band NSFW trailer hit today (here or the source), and it’s filled with amazing advice, including how to defend your self against a man with two dildos.  Oh of course, the backwards kick!  Next time is gonna be different.  (source = trailer park)

JENNIFER HUDSON – the Oscar winner doesn’t want people to cry for her when they think back to the tragedies in her life.  Done and done, baby. (source = star)

TAMARA MELLON – Christian Slater’s ex and the founder of Jimmy Choo is still in St. Barts, feeling her own breasts and hanging out with topless girls.  Good news for us, bad news for this poor bastard if by some miracle his wife is reading this right now.  (image source = splash)

jennifer hudson at the superbowl

By brendon February 02, 2009 @ 5:08 AM

Jennifer Hudson gave her first public performance since her mom, brother and 7-year-old nephew were murdered last October when she sang “The Star-Spangled Banner" at the Super Bowl last night. People are going all apeshit over it but I thought it was a little screechy. She looked really good though. I never really noticed but she's kind of pretty. It might be because her eyes look kind of Asian. I heart Asians.

(update – will someone please punch this queer in the mouth before he completely destroys what i helped create)


By brendon December 02, 2008 @ 5:44 AM

ITS BRIT BRITS 27TH BIRTHDAY!!! – Just three years until the prophecy can be revealed.

WILLIAM BALFOUR IS UNDER ARREST – the one and only suspect in the murder of Jennifer Hudsons mother, brother and nephew was arrested Monday.  Formal charges have not yet been brought by the Chicago prosecutor's office, but Balfour was transferred from an Illinois state prison – where he has been held on suspicion of a parole violation – back into police custody.  So it looks like someone needs to update his online dating profile. 

BRITNEY IS FASCINATING – for the fourth year in a row, Britney Spears was the most popular search term on Yahoo, the seventh time overall she has topped the list.  Rounding out the top ten were WWE, (wait what) Barack Obama, Miley Cyrus, RuneScape, Jessica Alba, Naruto, Lindsay Lohan, Angelina Jolie, and American Idol. So I'm assuming this was the "SFW" version.  Otherwise, 1-99 would be "tits teen pussy" and 100 would be the same except with "how to get" in front of it.  

– Mary-Kate Olsen is rumoured to be pregnant, "after her weight rocketed up to 120 pounds".  So in other words this sounds like bullshit, because that would mean the baby weighs more than she does.  Fat bitch.


By brendon October 31, 2008 @ 8:02 AM

William “Flex” Balfour is the only suspect in the triple murder that took the lives of Jennifer Hudson's mom, Darnell; brother, Jason and 7-year-old nephew, Julian.  Balfour, of course, is a fuckin thug.  He was arrested in 1999 for attempted murder, vehicular hijacking and possession of a stolen vehicle.  He was paroled seven years later, violated that in June for possession of crack.  Now it comes out he had been threatening Hudsosn family for quite some time, well before he eventually killed all three.  Us magazine says…

"Flex tried to start a fistfight with Jason, and James beat up Flex," the neighbor adds.
Shortly after, Flex began to threaten the family, saying "he would kill Julia and mess up everyone in the house," the source tells Us.
The supposed reason of the feud? TMZ.com reports Balfour clashed with the family after Julia claimed he sold one of their cars without permission.
"Flex was crazy, but Jason never took him seriously," the source tells Us. "Jason always thought he would be safe, that he could protect himself."

This guy is a real Negative Nancy, and I'm sorry to use such language but I'm pretty upset.  Since he killed three people I think we should find some way to kill him, then bring him back to life and kill him again and then once more.  But you don't tell him beforehand.  It's a surprise.  Like electrocute him, then let him sit for a minute, then give him the defibrillator paddles, bring him back, then say, "oh, hey dude are you ok?"  And he says, "yes, yes I am".  And you say, "oh ok good."  Zap.