By Jack December 26, 2013 @ 3:31 PM
Joan Rivers is calling out Jennifer Lawrence for saying that the old crone is a bad influenece on girls. Katniss told Barbara Walters that she thinks shows like Rivers’ Fashion Police tell the youngin’s that it’s OK to ridicule the way people look. Lawrence has told anyone who’ll listen that she hates the Hollywood culture of Photoshopping and crash dieting. Rivers isn’t buying it. she thinks that it’s all an act Lawrence is doing to look cool. She told The New York Post that,
“My New Year’s resolution is [ensuring] Jennifer Lawrence grows up and realizes how lucky she is and calms down. I love that she’s telling everyone how wrong it is to worry about retouching and body image, and meanwhile, she has been touched up more than a choir boy at the Vatican. Look at her posters. She doesn’t have a nose, she has two holes. She just has to learn, don’t talk if you’re doing it.”
She’s got a point. Priests do like little boys. Also, Lawrence’s photos get retouched all the time. There is no way to escape that shit in celebrity culture. Vanity Fair doesn’t want muffin tops on their cover. For all the innate hypocrisy, women like to see their women anorexic. If Jennifer Lawrence was really disgusted she could quit the business and write a blog calling out Hollywood that nobody will care about like others before her. Rivers may be many things: scary, mean, the Crypt Keeper physically composed entirely of dead sailors rendered flesh, but she is pretty good at calling people on their bullshit. If she was a few hundred years younger, I’d do her.
By Jack December 19, 2013 @ 1:02 PM
Jennifer Lawrence was visiting Conan O’Brien and told him if she hadn’t been an actress, she would’ve liked to be a hotel maid because she likes to clean and snoop through people’s shit. She then told the tale about how recently she was given an assortment of butt plugs “as a joke” and hid them under her hotel bed. When she returned the maid had thoughtfully arranged them in a display on her night table. Ah, the old ‘gag gift’ excuse that people have been employing since the first wife ever found Ben Wa balls in her husbands sock drawer. Mostly Jennifer’s story has me once again imagining the actual horror of being a hotel maid and the shit you must find when cleaning those rooms. Yep, most of those nasty porn clips you’re watching for free online were shot in a hotel room somewhere. That BBW MILF taking a train of college studs was probably shot at the Holiday Inn you might be staying in for Christmas. Don’t be surprised to find a pair of oversized panties stuffed behind the headboard. And that’s what people are doing when there’s a camera on them. Imagine what guests are doing in the privacy of their own travel abodes. Sure, occasionally you’ll get Oscar winning actress butt plugs. But that’s like pulling a winning Lotto ticket. The rest of the time it’s spooge stained towels by way of Joel from Akron. Somebody’s got to refold that towel and put it back in the rack for the next guy to wipe his face with.
By Lex December 18, 2013 @ 5:47 PM
There’s nothing more magical than two hot girls getting it on. Amy Adams ranted on and on about the acting moment and how powerful it was in the scene where she kisses Jennifer Lawrence in American Hustle and how it was all really heightened craft. Yeah, I suppose that means something to the lady readers. Men could care less if it’s real or fake or powerful or if you’re just thinking about how this is the young bitch who’s starting to take all your jobs and maybe you should bite her tongue off to deform her. Just get your parts on each other, start making circular motions, and moan. That’s the craft right there.
Photo Credit: American Hustle, Vanity Fair
By Lex November 19, 2013 @ 11:37 AM
Add Jennifer Lawrence to the list of good looking girls with big bazoongas that don’t want to be sex objects. Even worse than Kate Upton’s ‘stop dreaming about plugging me’ demands, Jennifer doesn’t want you aroused by any young sexy women in Hollywood:
“It is a part of the entertainment industry that sells. For some disgusting reason, young sex sells even more.”
Jennifer Lawrence was responding to a question about Miley Cyrus, but I guess was talking about all 20-year olds. Jennifer’s way too smart not to know why guys have chased after young women since time immemorial, so I’m going to surmise that Jennifer mostly felt bad for Miley being a spastic snaggle-tooth who needs to flash her vagina to get attention. Jennifer had little time to elaborate on her pronouncement before rushing off to flash her young tits to sell more Hunger Games tickets.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet, Getty, WENN
By Travis August 01, 2013 @ 11:00 AM
The new trailer for American Hustle was released yesterday, and it looks pretty good. I’d like to be a little more optimistic but I don’t have a clue what it’s about, other than a three-way competition between Christian Bale, Bradley Cooper and Jeremy Renner to look like the ugliest guys you’d spot in a New Jersey strip club.
Then again, it also has Jennifer Lawrence and Amy Adams looking like 70s porn stars, so that should count for something. In fact, if there’s an Oscar for that, I hope they both win. Then, when they accept their statues, they can try them out on each other. I know, I’m full of brilliant ideas.
By Travis May 21, 2013 @ 10:00 AM
X-Men: Days of Future Past director Bryan Singer has been teasing the film’s and comic’s fans by Tweeting photos from the set since at least April, but it didn’t matter until yesterday when he posted the first shots of Jennifer Lawrence as Mystique in her naked, blue form. Not a lot of girls could pull off the frozen Irish corpse look, but Jennifer does it pretty damn well.
Now all Bryan needs to do is bring back Rebecca Romijn and explore the very serious and timely plot of what it would look like if the two of them tried on lingerie and wrestled in baby oil. I don’t remember which X-Men issue that was, but I think it was No. 68 or 70.