Jennifer Lopez has received numerous death threats from an animal rights lunatic who has vowed "to kill her in public, just like the slaughtered animals whose fur she wears."  Lopez, of course, has publicly worn fur and used it in her clothing line, much to the horror of groups like PETA.  Lopez' husband, Latin sensation Marc Anthony, has reportedly taken the threats very seriously and acted accordingly.  The New York Daily News says:

The source says J.Lo initially dismissed the notes, which have been arriving for a month, as lunatic junk mail. But husband Marc Anthony isn't taking the matter lightly.
"He has hired two off-duty police officers, in addition to her usual security team, to watch over Lopez whenever she makes public appearances."
A rep for PETA said yesterday: "All violence is wrong. But J.Lo needs to stop the real violence she promotes and subsidizes rather than give herself extra protection she doesn't need."

Well this guy sounds tough but fair.  I'm not saying he should kill Jennifer Lopez, I just … umm … hm.  Well hold on.  Okay let me come back to this one. 

Jennifer Lopez returned to her native Bronx yesterday. From the New York Daily News:

She's just Jenny from the block - and Bronx-born Jennifer Lopez proved it to fans yesterday when she went back to the old neighborhood to sign copies of her new album…

"We have a huge star who recognizes where she came from," said 30-year-old Erika Lopez, no relation, standing in the throng waiting for J.Lo to arrive at the F.Y.E. record store on Jerome Ave. "She's letting us know that she loves us and loves her borough."… 

[Another fan] said, "It's super to see her here, to see how she remembered where she came from. It shows that people who come from the neighborhood can achieve their goals."

In fact, J. Lo loves the Bronx so much that she announced her decision to keep it real by renting a fifth-floor walk-up apartment and traveling around New York only by subway and bus.

Except replace that paragraph with "She wore expensive clothes none of her fans could possibly hope to afford and half of South Africa's diamonds. Then after she did the bare minimum required by her PR people she was quickly whisked away in a black Escalade with her wealthy skeletal vampire of a seventh husband."

I never made it all the way through seminary school — I got kicked out for provoking sinful thoughts in the nuns — but I'm pretty sure Jennifer Lopez is a saint. When I try to think of another celebrity besides J. Lo who stays so closely in tune with the common people, the first name that keeps popping up is Jesus Christ.

(The photos are from some concert held somewhere four days ago. Whatever.) -MU 

BORING UPDATE: You can see pictures of the event here. Or if there's some grass nearby, you could give it a long stare to see if it's growing. That might be more interesting.



Us Magazine says that - shockingly - even though she somehow made the very exclusive cut to attend the wedding of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, Jennifer Lopez wasn't content to let Katie have the spotlight and did everything she could to shift all the attention to her.  Us says:

But hours before Jada Pinkett Smith, Leah Remini and Cameron Crowe boarded the chartered 757 to Rome, “Jennifer Lopez sent her assistant to secure seats by laying her belongings on all the best seats!”
Lopez also flew her hairstylist, Ken Pavés, into Rome and set him up at the posh Hotel Hassler to do her hair for the big day.
(And she) made sure that all eyes were on her at a group dinner at the restaurant Nino on Thursday night. Says a source, “The November 16 welcome dinner was supposed to be casual. But J.Lo, of course, wore a gown. So much for casual.”
And the special treatment didn’t stop there. At 2:33 a.m. in the wee hours after the wedding, Lopez, 37, had a waiter sneak two doggie bags to her and husband Marc Anthony, 38, as they were on their way to the airport to return to the States.

Jennifer Lopez is the most insufferable bitch in Hollywood, and it's really not even close.  There's nothing to even say here that would make her look any worse than she does all by herself.  Anything tacked on here would just be like drawing a little frowny face on the Nazi flag.

(the whole wedding was a sham of course.  as we said friday, scientology "weddings" aren't legal, so katie and tom were actually wed last week in a civil ceremony in california)



Jennifer Lopez reportedly went into a rage and verbally attacked a flight attendant after she asked for a double espresso but was told they couldn't make her one.  On the website airlinecrew.net, the stewardess says Lopez's attacks instantly got personal.  And uninventive:

"She yelled at me because I could not make her a double espresso and then she told me my shoes looked cheap."

Celebrity Wonder also points out that Lopez has a full list of entries about her on the Bitter Waitress sites Shitty Tipper Database, which says Lopez once tipped 2 dollars on a 752 dollar check, 3 dollars on a 732 dollar check, 25 cents on a 625 dollar check and left nothing twice, on tabs of 387 and 245 dollars. So what did the waitresses do?  Well they certainly didn't poison her donuts, despite the fact that my diagram of a syringe and then a "plus" sign and then a donut and then an "equal" sign and then JLo's fat ass in an extra wide coffin with X’s for eyes couldn't have been more clear.