Steven Tyler is leaving ‘American Idol’

By brendon July 12, 2012 @ 5:08 PM

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Giving credence to the rumor that ‘American Idol’ will have three all new judges next season, Henifaa Yopez told the Today show this morning that “maybe it’s time for me to go”, and now Steven Tyler–who could have dragged this out for months to be the center of attention like some media whores–has released a statement saying it’s definitely time for him to go.

“After some long … hard … thoughts … I’ve decided it’s time for me to let go of my mistress American Idol before she boils my rabbit. I strayed from my first love, Aerosmith, and I’m back — but instead of begging on my hands and knees, I’ve got two fists in the air and I’m kicking the door open with my band.”

Meanwhile, Randy Jackson is laying low, screening phone calls from Fox, and hoping no one remembers to deactivate his key card.

Jennifer Lopez wore a bikini, buried a man alive

By brendon June 26, 2012 @ 1:04 PM

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Jennifer Lopez and her boyfriend Casper Smart helped her twins Max and Emme bury someone up to his neck on the beach in Rio yesterday. It’s as if someone told her what it would take to get me to listen to a Jennifer Lopez song and she’s practicing.

(image source = pacific coast)

Marc Anthony must really miss Jennifer Lopez

By brendon May 21, 2012 @ 2:07 PM

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There’s no cure for a broken heart, but if there was it would probably say something about banging a busty model. Like Marc Anthony is with Venezuelan model Shannon De Lima, who is 24, one month after officially filing for divorce from Jennifer Lopez, who is 42.

Of course Shannon could never replace Lopez. Not unless she gains 50 pounds, starts wearing wigs, and throws a vase at the maid.

(image source of anthony and de lima at a fundraiser in los angeles last night for cedars-sinai hospital = getty)

Henifaa Yopez is leaving ‘American Idol’

By brendon May 16, 2012 @ 5:10 PM

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As was mentioned earlier, Jennifer Lopez has gone from the verge of obscurity to number 1 on the Forbes 100 in just 2 years, and she owes it all to ‘American Idol’ for making her relevant again.

So naturally, despite the fact that the show desperately wants her back for a third season, they can go fuck themselves and she’s just gonna bail. At least according to Marc Malkin of E!:

While J.Lo has publicly said she has yet to make a decision about her future on Idol, sources exclusively tell me that she she’s planning on calling it quits.
“She’s just too busy,” one source said.
I’m told Lopez will be on the road, at the very least, through the end of the year.
The next round of Idol auditions will begin while she’s overseas.

Obviously there’s a very real chance she put this out there herself to force Fox into giving her a raise. To which I feel a very justified response would be for Fox to beat her with bars of soap in a pillowcase.

Hennifaa Yopez tops the Forbes Celebrity 100

By brendon May 16, 2012 @ 1:00 PM

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Forbes announced the 2012 Celebrity 100 today, their annual ranking of the top 100 famous people. As in actors, producers, musicians, athletes, and whatever the hell Oprah Winfrey is, in a ranking that considers not just income but also overall media visibility. Here’s the top 5 and what they made last year:

1. Jennifer Lopez – $52 million
2. Oprah Winfrey – $165 million
3. Justin Bieber – $55 million
4. Rihanna – $53 million
5. Lady Gaga – $52 million

And to think, just 2 years ago we were almost rid of Lopez, a mean selfish bitch who was right on the verge of disappearing until ‘American Idol’ saved her. For no apparent reason. Even the guy who brought velociraptors back at least had a fucking reason!

(image source = the april issue of vogue)

Jennifer Lopez’s Manager Isn’t Going to be Jennifer Lopez’s Manager Much Longer

By author March 16, 2012 @ 2:30 PM

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Benny Medina is a high powered manager of celebrity clientele with a resume boasting not only JLo, but also Diddy and Tyra Banks amongst others. His rise to power most likely came from his ability to handle the gentle egos of pop stars by tactfully responding to the press about sensitive personal issues. Here’s his response to a question about Lopez’s boyfriend who is 18 years younger than her, via New York Post:

The thing that I always sort of wished is that she would give herself time to just naturally meet someone, instead of having obsessive guys pursue her,” says Medina. “The ease with which that obsession becomes a relationship I think sometimes works against her ability to have a real meaningful relationship.

Nicely done. So, JLo likes a completely superficial facade of a relationship based solely on a young man’s desire to boast to his friends about hitting that from behind. Check out the kid gloves Medina used on his past clients:

On Diddy’s famous “White Parties”:

I’ve always wanted to plan a lavish affair without having to be subtle about how much cocaine will be around, but I’ve never had anyone willing to attach their name to it.

On singer Brandy’s transportation needs:

Never, under any circumstances, give her the keys to anything with an engine.

Did I include shots of how Marc Anthony’s penis has been passing the time since JLo starting here? Yes, yes I did.

(Image Source = Shannon De Lima’s Twitter, Splash News)