Jennifer Lopez had a little accident

By brendon October 23, 2012 @ 2:01 PM

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That headline makes it sound like she pee’d on herself, and who knows maybe she did (I do, she did), but while Jennifer Lopez was singing one of her incredible hit songs last night at the O2 in London, her dress stretched a little too far (oh I wonder why that happened) and you could see her nipple.

And it’s weird looking. I’ve seen nipples before-mostly on TV but also in person-and they don’t look like this. That looks more like ET is peering out of her dress.

(image source = pacific coast, getty)

Jennifer Lopez is bashful

By brendon September 04, 2012 @ 1:11 PM

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Jennifer Lopez definitely knew she was being photographed at her hotel room pool this weekend, but instead of holding her breath before she hit the water like some kind of escape artist again, this time she wrapped a towel around her enormous ass before getting out. I wish I was a maid at this hotel so I could steal that towel and give her scent to a wolfpack.

(image source = fame/flynet, pacific coast)

Jennifer Lopez wore a bikini

By brendon August 31, 2012 @ 4:12 PM

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Jennifer Lopez was hanging out at her hotel in Miami yesterday, then either got up to join her kids and boyfriend in the pool, or got up and fell in the pool because she blacked out after holding her breath and clinching her stomach while walking.

As always, choosing what pictures to use was an arduous process. First I went to 4 different photo agencies, then I sorted through dozens of very similar pictures to find the ones where she looked the fattest.

(image source = inf, splash, wenn, fame/flynet)

Jennifer Lopez says this never happened

By brendon August 02, 2012 @ 3:51 PM

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“Do not mess with Jenny from the Block,” E! says. “Actually go right ahead because she’s a fucking moron,” I countered.

Jennifer Lopez is fighting back at tabloid reports that her boyfriend, Casper Smart, recently visited an “exotic massage parlor” and a gay porn shop in New York City.
“These statements are false, malicious and defamatory,” the couple’s attorneys said this morning. “Ms. Lopez and Mr. Smart will pursue all remedies available to them under the law.”
(They’ve) demanded an immediate retraction or they will file suit against the mags.

Uh, it happened last week. I’m watching him do it right now. I can see him. He’s Casper the dancer, not ghost.

(image source = inf)

Jennifer Lopez’s boyfriend goes to peep shows

By brendon July 24, 2012 @ 2:21 PM

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Jennifer Lopez’s boyfriend Casper Smart went to a peep show in New York City yesterday, but I’m not gonna judge him because I would probably do the same thing if I had to date Jennifer Lopez. She’s such a cunt, the sex must be awful.

The girls at a peep show, especially during the day, are there because they’re too ugly to be strippers. You might as well try to jack off to a child birth video, only a medieval gynecologist will ever have seen a vagina that wrecked, but he’s going for it anyway because at least this girl won’t complain the entire time.

Oh and Jennifer Lopez turns 43 today. So, um, happy birthday.

(image source = inf)

Jennifer Lopez was actually “dumped” by American Idol

By brendon July 13, 2012 @ 6:12 PM

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When word first got that Jennifer Lopez was talking about leaving ‘American Idol’ two months ago, some immediately speculated that it was simply a tactic to get a raise. But then she kept talking about spending more time with her family, and how hard it was for her to leave, and today she called Ryan Seacrest and it was all so sweet and touching that I cried for like an hour.

Oh but in reality she won’t be back because she wanted a raise to $17 million a year and Fox told her no. The Wrap says:

J. Lo’s fee went from $12 million in her first season to $15 million in her second. When she asked for another $2 million, the network surprised her by not making a counteroffer.
“Idol” lost its top spot in the ratings to NBC’s “Sunday Night Football” last season after eight years of dominance. In their two seasons, Tyler and Lopez helped prop up the show. But they could not return it to its former dominance.

Oh so she just wanted more money. What a surprise. I assumed she really liked the kids on the show. I picture her taking one of them on a tandem bike ride down by a stream, and then having a picnic lunch that she prepared, because she’s such a nice person that you always hear such delightful stories about.