I don’t know how or why, but I know that somehow Jennifer Lopez is lying about how many idiots bought the People magazine with her and her new fug ass kids on the cover.  Jossip says:

We’re hearing People’s J. Lo twins issue moved between two and three million copies at the newsstand, according to multiple scan data sources.  By comparison, Nicole Richie’s baby issue is said to have sold 1.8 million at the newsstand, while Christina Aguilera’s moved an estimated 1.3 million.

You can tell someone is lying, and someone is an idiot, because they give an estimate, and the second number is 50 percent higher than the first.  WTF kind of estimate is that?  JLo has to be behind this.  She's the only one dumb enough.  "JLo, how many magazines did you sell?"  "Between 2 and 3 million."  "JLo, how many arms do you have?"  "Between 2 and 3."  "JLo, how tall is your husband?"  "He's like 6 feet, maybe 9.  Wait, yeah, 9.  He's 9 feet tall."

Jennifer Lopez gave birth early this morning to twins, a boy and a girl, on Long Island.  All are said to be well and the babies are completely healthy.  People magazine says:

The girl was born at 12:12 a.m. and weighed 5 lbs. 7 oz., and the boy followed at 12:23 a.m., weighing 6 lbs.
"Jennifer and Marc are delighted, thrilled and over the moon," Lopez's manager Simon Fields (says).
They're the first children for Lopez, 38, and the fourth and fifth for Anthony, 39.

There's literally nothing on this earth that I have less interest in than Jennifer Lopez and her dumb ass kids.  Moving right along.

MSNBC says that People magazine has offered $6 million for the first pictures  of J.Lo’s twins.  And that is not slang for her breasts, but her actual twin babies, due any day now.  And if you can believe it, that is only for the right to publish the pics in the United States.  OK! magazine struck first and secured worldwide rights, but passed on the US, allowing people to secure those.  MSNBC says:

Their pics will run in OK!’s 15 international editions. “It is fantastic for those markets, and especially important with the immense strength the exclusive will bring to the new launch of OK! Spain,” said a spokesperson for the magazine. The Spain edition launches March 26.
So why pass on the rights to publish the photos here in the United States? One magazine industry insider said that frankly, Lopez’ appeal in the U.S. isn’t as broad as many people — including Lopez — would like to think.
“Look at her track record with her movies, and look at her album sales. The U.S. market hasn’t been fascinated with her in some time,” the insider explained. “It makes more sense to not spend a fortune on photos that won’t cause a noticeable increase on the newsstand. This just isn’t going to sell like Shiloh (Jolie-Pitt), and $6 million is a lot of money.”

Jolie and Pitt allegedly got 4 million (which they donated all to charity) so it begs the question, what the fuck is People thinking?  2 million more than Jolie and Pitt?  That was only like a year ago.  Jennifer Lopez isn't near the star Jolie or Pitt are and to call Marc Anthony "d-list" is an insult to letters and lists.  And let's just put our cards on the table: she's fat and he's hideous.  This issue will be less of a glamorous look at a Hollywood power couple and more of a guide to making little kids cry.



Jennifer Lopez is set to give birth to twins any day now, and last week we heard that the Long Island hospital where she’s set to deliver was running security drills to prepare for the star studded placenta on it's way.  Why?  Well because New York City hospitals have nothing better to do than cater to Jennifer Lopez.  And now, the Post follows up and says she even has a special extra fancy room waiting just for her.  Just sitting there, taking up space in the hospital, empty until JLos seed spills out.  According to Page Six…

A staffer there says a private room - furnished especially for the mom-to-be with a luscious brown leather couch - has been sitting empty for two weeks now. The room is reserved for the diva. "No one's even allowed in there until she gets here. It's just sitting there for her," said the employee.

Did they just say the couch was "luscious"?  Rawr!  What a sexy story!  Although I wouldn’t take any crap from that couch, no matter how luscious it may be.  In fact I may hump the toaster right in front of it to remind it who’s boss.

(oh, and sorry for the crappy updates today.  it was like 4 degrees in manhattan this weekend, and if i get better, i'll be upgraded to "dead") 



TMZ says that the Long Island hospital where Jennifer Lopez is planning to give birth soon has been preparing for the celebrity by practicing "pink drills", the explanation of which is not nearly as sexy as I hoped.

Sources at North Shore Medical Center tell TMZ the hospital conducted a "Code Pink" drill last Friday — "Code Pink" is code for locking down the hospital to prevent a kidnapping attempt.
A rep for North Shore confirmed that the pink drill did indeed go down, but said that the timing is just a coincidence, but that's not what our sources are saying.

Don't flatter yourself Lopez.  Nobody wants your stupid baby.  It's gonna be half you, half Marc Anthony, all ugly.  Or maybe I'm just in a bad mood because Code Pink has to do with stolen babies, and is not a military-themed lesbian porn like I imagined. Preferably one where there's a sexy Asian spy, and someone makes a joke about, "eating Chinese tonight. Heh-heh-heh."