By Lex April 26, 2013 @ 10:32 AM
It’s not fair that Khloe Kardashian got fired from her X-Factor hostess job simply because she’s an annoying talentless big-boned twat who looks like a melting wax statue on camera. Khloe really needed this gig. Without it, she’s left to prattle her greeting card level slogans on Twitter, wait for Lamar to come home and bang her with his eyes closed, and secretly meet with teams of investigators she’s hired to find her real daddy. That’s not enough for a woman as deep and rich as Khloe.
As if real life didn’t kick Khloe in her elastic waist bands hard enough, it now looks like Jennifer Love Hewitt is coming onto the show. Yeah, she’s better looking, more talented, and actually sort of knows how to sing, but can she carry a piano on her back while making sweet butt love to the first man who tells her how pretty her eyes are? Nay. Khloe got robbed.
By Bill March 19, 2013 @ 1:16 PM
My greatest dream in life, even bigger than the one where I’m giant size and I step on all the now-grown kids who used to laugh at me for being such a retarded skateboarder, bigger than that, is having Jennifer Love Hewitt jump into my arms tits first with her blue panties riding up her backside because she’s squeezing so hard. Yes, it’s a specific dream. And some other bastard got to live it on the set of The Client List. He’s her new boyfriend, and plays her husband on the show. Which is so damn cliche. Almost as cliche as my dream. Not the stomping one. The boobs in the face and blue panties one.
Photo credit: FameFlynet / WENN
By brendon February 14, 2013 @ 4:54 PM
Anxious to prove she hasn’t learned a single thing about how her palpable desperation scares away every guy she ever dates, Jennifer Love Hewitt has asked her boyfriend and “Client List” co-star, Brian Hallisay, to move in with her.
“Jennifer has totally flipped for Brian,” a longtime friend told The ENQUIRER. “She firmly believes he’s ‘the one’ and she’s determined not to let him get away.
“She said, ‘I want to wake up next to him every day! So I told him he should just move in!’”
“Jennifer has a history of falling for many of her male co-stars,” said another source. “The problem is that things usually fall apart for her just when the relationships start getting serious. But she really believes that, with Brian, things are going to be different this time around.”
In a related story, Jennifer Love Hewitt now lives in a 40-story stone column with only one window at the very top and the whole thing is surrounded by a moat filled with crocodiles.
By brendon February 12, 2013 @ 6:04 PM
Jennifer Love Hewitt was on the set of her show ‘the Client List’ this week in Sherman Oaks, looking suspiciously less firm and fit than she does on the cover of the new Shape magazine. Her secret is apparently a combination of diet, exercise, and that same computer animation used in movies where you see a dinosaur roller-skate or some shit like that.
(image source = fame/flynet)
By brendon January 17, 2013 @ 7:27 PM
NICKI MINAJ – called Mariah Carey a “bitch” during last nights premiere of ‘American Idol’. And also before the premiere, after the premiere, and every other time Mariah Careys name has ever come up. (radar)
JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT – will film some nude scenes for her show ‘The Client List’ on Lifetime, but it’s pointless because they will then blur everything before the broadcast so you wont actually see her naked. I bet her boyfriend wishes he could do that. (enquirer)
SHARON OSBORNE – started a small fire in her Beverly Hills home last night after falling asleep with some candles burning. Someone should really invent a candle that has a layer of smelling salts like half way down. (tmz)
AL PACINO – will play Joe Paterno in a movie called ‘Happy Valley’ for director Brian DePalma. No word yet on who might be interested in the Jerry Sandusky role, but they should probably be arrested immediately. (huff post)
KATE UPTON – is in a white bikini in the new GQ, but there’s just the one picture, because why would anyone be interested in something like that.
By brendon August 06, 2012 @ 1:33 PM
Jennifer Love Hewitt was also on twitter this weekend posting a bikini picture, and I appreciate that she only showed the parts of herself that still look good. It’s more honest than pretending all of her looks good. Her caption should be, “I still have sorta big boobs and my hair is long enough to braid. Good enough?”