“Hey guys, it’s Jennifer, Love Hewitt, JLove, and I hope you get this message because instead of me coming all the way to the studio for that meeting with the stylists, wouldn’t it be better if they packed everything up and came to my house?”
“Well, you know, not my house, but outside my house? In the street.”
“They could set up the racks of clothes on the curb by all the dog shit.”
“Just tell them not to get bit by that raccoon who defends the garbage cans or get hit by the recycling truck because I’m super busy today. I heard about this store that sells even purpler pants than the ones I have now.”

(image source = fame/flynet)

The people at In-N-Out must have been pretty surprised to see Jennifer Love Hewitt pull up to the drive-thru in a Bentley convertible yesterday. Because they’re not the ones who use glazed doughnuts for buns. “We’ve been through this a hundred times, ma’am.”

(image source = fame/flynet)

Finally. Jennifer Love Hewitt has found a way to combine the two things she’s best at: hoarding food and scaring away men. Us weekly says:

“I carry McCormick’s Pure Vanilla [in my purse] — the baking kind — and dab it on my neck,” she tells Us Weekly. “Men are attracted to the scent! One time, I put it on and four different guys were like, ‘You smell amazing!’”

And I’m wiling to bet not one of those four followed that with, “…and we should go out some time.” Because Jennifer Love Hewitt is a lunatic. So even if some guy did associate the smell of vanilla with sexual desire, he’d be better off just staying home to fuck the ice cream.

Jennifer Love Hewitt was in West Hollywood last night for the premiere of her Lifetime movie ‘The Client List’, and she might have looked okay if not for the fake eyelashes that should only be worn with a Malcolm McDowell ‘Clockwork Orange’ Halloween costume. You could honestly make a better set of fake eyelashes out of wood. It’s almost like someone drew these on later to make fun of her.

(image source = getty, wenn)

Jennifer Love Hewitt is in the new issue of Maxim, and there’s nothing at all suspicious about the pictures and how thin she looks, assuming that you just arrived here from 1998 and this is the first time you’ve seen Jennifer Love Hewitt since then.