Thursday Afternoon Headlines

By brendon January 17, 2013 @ 7:27 PM

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NICKI MINAJ – called Mariah Carey a “bitch” during last nights premiere of ‘American Idol’. And also before the premiere, after the premiere, and every other time Mariah Careys name has ever come up. (radar)

JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT – will film some nude scenes for her show ‘The Client List’ on Lifetime, but it’s pointless because they will then blur everything before the broadcast so you wont actually see her naked. I bet her boyfriend wishes he could do that. (enquirer)

SHARON OSBORNE – started a small fire in her Beverly Hills home last night after falling asleep with some candles burning. Someone should really invent a candle that has a layer of smelling salts like half way down. (tmz)

AL PACINO – will play Joe Paterno in a movie called ‘Happy Valley’ for director Brian DePalma. No word yet on who might be interested in the Jerry Sandusky role, but they should probably be arrested immediately. (huff post)

KATE UPTON – is in a white bikini in the new GQ, but there’s just the one picture, because why would anyone be interested in something like that.

Jennifer Love Hewitt is deceptive

By brendon August 06, 2012 @ 1:33 PM

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Jennifer Love Hewitt was also on twitter this weekend posting a bikini picture, and I appreciate that she only showed the parts of herself that still look good. It’s more honest than pretending all of her looks good. Her caption should be, “I still have sorta big boobs and my hair is long enough to braid. Good enough?”

Jennifer Love Hewitt had a meeting with stylists. But why?

By brendon May 30, 2012 @ 7:29 PM

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“Hey guys, it’s Jennifer, Love Hewitt, JLove, and I hope you get this message because instead of me coming all the way to the studio for that meeting with the stylists, wouldn’t it be better if they packed everything up and came to my house?”
“Well, you know, not my house, but outside my house? In the street.”
“They could set up the racks of clothes on the curb by all the dog shit.”
“Just tell them not to get bit by that raccoon who defends the garbage cans or get hit by the recycling truck because I’m super busy today. I heard about this store that sells even purpler pants than the ones I have now.”

(image source = fame/flynet)

Jennifer Love Hewitt eats at In-N-Out. Gosh. No way.

By brendon May 30, 2012 @ 1:34 PM

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The people at In-N-Out must have been pretty surprised to see Jennifer Love Hewitt pull up to the drive-thru in a Bentley convertible yesterday. Because they’re not the ones who use glazed doughnuts for buns. “We’ve been through this a hundred times, ma’am.”

(image source = fame/flynet)

Jennifer Love Hewitt uses vanilla extract as perfume. Seriously.

By brendon April 09, 2012 @ 11:05 PM

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Finally. Jennifer Love Hewitt has found a way to combine the two things she’s best at: hoarding food and scaring away men. Us weekly says:

“I carry McCormick’s Pure Vanilla [in my purse] — the baking kind — and dab it on my neck,” she tells Us Weekly. “Men are attracted to the scent! One time, I put it on and four different guys were like, ‘You smell amazing!’”

And I’m wiling to bet not one of those four followed that with, “…and we should go out some time.” Because Jennifer Love Hewitt is a lunatic. So even if some guy did associate the smell of vanilla with sexual desire, he’d be better off just staying home to fuck the ice cream.

Jennifer Love Hewitt looks sorta better. From there.

By brendon April 05, 2012 @ 8:22 PM

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Jennifer Love Hewitt was in West Hollywood last night for the premiere of her Lifetime movie ‘The Client List’, and she might have looked okay if not for the fake eyelashes that should only be worn with a Malcolm McDowell ‘Clockwork Orange’ Halloween costume. You could honestly make a better set of fake eyelashes out of wood. It’s almost like someone drew these on later to make fun of her.

(image source = getty, wenn)