Jennifer Love Hewitt is in the new issue of Maxim, and there’s nothing at all suspicious about the pictures and how thin she looks, assuming that you just arrived here from 1998 and this is the first time you’ve seen Jennifer Love Hewitt since then.
Jennifer Love Hewitt had lunch at The Ivy, where there are more paparazzi than customers and staff, and she held up a glass with ‘Birthday Girl’ written on it, and waved around a ‘Happy Birthday 2 Me’ sign, but I’m not sure that’s enough. People could still miss it. She should have someone in a panda suit wrapped in Christmas lights come in and sing to her too, just to make certain everyone sees her and fuels her lust for attention.
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There are chilling reports from Hollywood today after Jennifer Love Hewitt was photographed going to lunch on Monday. Witnesses inside the restaurant say they saw her leave, but paparazzi outside say that’s impossible. They say they were there the whole time and never saw her. It’s like she just vanished into thin air, like a chubby ghost!
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Jennifer Love Hewitt was at the KIIS FM Jingle Ball in L.A. on Saturday night, and she tried to look sexy by wearing this dress that showed off her breasts. It didn’t work mind you, I’m just letting you know what the plan was.
(image source = splash, wenn, and getty)
Because homeless people only need to eat once a year (they’re powered by the sun), Kim Kardashian and Jennifer Love Hewitt went down to the Los Angeles Mission to help serve Thanksgiving meals to the needy. And by sheer coincidence, there were some paparazzi there too wouldn’t you know, blocking the food and volunteers while Kim and Jennifer modeled spoons. Those bums have had scurvy for a month, 5 more minutes isn’t gonna hurt.
Oh and if you’re wondering why Kim and Jennifer look so happy in the picture above, it’s because they just learned they make spoons that hold like 400 percent more food than normal spoons.
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As you read this keep in mind that Jennifer Love Hewitt wrote a book filled with dating advice despite the fact that she’s 32, has never been married and in fact can’t even keep a boyfriend for more than a few months.
Jennifer Love Hewitt might just be the most unlucky-in-love Hollywood starlet! Her latest boyfriend, 27-year-old actor Jarod Einsohn, has broken up with her — via text message, a source tells InTouch.
“She cannot keep a boyfriend. She is very overbearing, and if things don’t go her way, she becomes a diva and flips out.”
And so it seems this tale of romantic woe has come to it’s predictable end, all wrapped up in a neat little bow.
Jennifer Love Hewitt, dumped. Thrown away like yesterdays garbage.
Feels like I’ve heard this song before.
Maybe. I had to be certain. It wouldn’t be easy.
In this town Truth and Danger walk hand in hand but the clock was ticking so I donned a disguise and drove to Jennifer’s house.
As I stepped out of the car I straightened my red windbreaker and pulled my mesh ball cap low to cast a shadow over my fake mustache.
I knocked on the door.
A voice. Female. Tubby.
“Who is it,” Jennifer fatly asked.
“Eye-a gotta da peetza for you,” I said. “You-a order da peetza?”
The door flung open.
“Well, no,” she said, disappointed but with a glean in her eye that told me she was hatching a plan.
She bit the head off a peeps marshmallow bunny and continued.
“What kind of pizza is it?”
Time to bait the hook.
“Oh-a you-a know, juss-a da regular…”
I opened the lid, showed her the prize inside. Her face lit up like it was Christmas morning.
“Eetz-a da pepporni peetza, topped witha da fried chicken anna da hot fudge. You-a know-a what, you sucha da pretty lady, why-a you no take-a da slice…”
In a flash I pulled off my mustache.
“…Jennifer Love Hewitt!”
She knew she’d been played.
“You son of a bitch!”
Her beefy hand snapped up to slap me, I caught her wrist, stopped it just short.
“Careful now Love. Be a shame if I dropped this hot delicious pizza.”
“You wouldn’t dare,” she said, choking on her words, desperate to be right.
“Well all I need is to ask a few questions, and then after that what happens to this pizza is entirely up to you,” I replied.
So, anyway, long story short, yeah that dude dumped her in a text because she’s a pain in the ass.